ED Spiraling, don't know what to do

[Leisel]

Relapsed with eating disorder stuff without even realizing. Then it got pretty intense and someone pointed it out. Since then I've been really trying to stay healthy, but my thoughts are worse than ever. I feel like I'm spiraling and if I keep on this path, I'll be in a really, really bad place. I've even seriously considered quitting school and volunteering, just so I can "focus on" my ED. I obviously don't want to be in this place. It's really hard. But everything seems so overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Any ideas?

 

[Muted]

Good question, for me when it the shift is triggered it's triggered. The more time following that, the more control it gains. Depending on the trigger its gradual or rapid.

Are you in therapy?

 

[Joan]

No magic answer....just know that you are not alone. I recently started dipping into the whole "shame" aspect in therapy and has definitely activated some old ED behaviors and thoughts. It is hard....Do you have a therapist you are comfortable sharing with?

 

[Leisel]

Part of my problem is that I'm in between therapists. I need to find one but I'm so hesitant to trust any therapist and so afraid, I don't even want to give anyone a chance. And the idea of finding a therapist feels so overwhelming.
I'm mostly afraid they'll be transphobic. Idk. I'm supposed to find a new therapist and dietician, and combined with everything else I have in my life, idk, it's just overwhelming and I don't know how to motivate myself to do it

 

[Muted]

That can be challenging to find someone you can trust especially when you feel vulnerable and overwhelmed. Seems like few are qualified to treat eating disorders anyway.

 

[Ronin]

What's the smallest parts that are healthy eating and you can address on your own?
What sort of help do you need, in regards to food?

& Any trans folk in the area that would have recommendations of how to get around the systemic nonsense to someone decent? Eventually, is there any amount of that type of abuse that you can take without breaking further enough you'd get basic care & take it from there after?
(I am able to get past a certain level of transphobia provided the people are working with me on other issues & aren't generic dipshits about *everything else*... and then there are health professionals I absolutely can't stand any amount of it at and I'm like 'I'd rather be in pain & triggered to my worse traumas and actively suicidal than deal with that.')