'Spiritual Bypass' - a question for discussion

[Applecore]

All makes sense and there's a lot to think about here.

Right off the bat, and if it's any help, I have written a reply to a letter in the past that wasn't responded to. I followed up almost a year later with Christmas wishes and a question about why the silence, and the person replied they were so stunned that they had been lost for words. So I think a two month wait might be understandable.

The pain of feeling "shunned" may be what you are going through. This is expectable because it is natural evolution at work: our ancestors, the earliest humans, when left outside their tribe faced certain death in the wilderness. To relieve the pain, you might benefit from finding another tribe while waiting for your sister to get back to you, which may take several months more.

Finding a new tribe can take very many forms, from reaching out to old friends and family, to the micro-friendships we have with clerks and mailpeople etc, to clubs of fellow enthusiasts, etc, etc. I would recommend parking your current family issues to one side while you bond with these new tribes, even temporarily.

Suicidal ideation can be related to cognitive distortion - for example, the idea that we have no hope, that we are unlovable, that we are inherently bad or stupid. None of this is entirely true for anyone, yet it feels very true when we have suicidal ideation. So we need an external reference point, such as people on this forum or kind strangers met on a train or a long-lost friend or a therapist to point this out.

Now this may seem strange to some people but I actually got a lot out of suicidal ideation; it was a fantasy of death rather than a plan for death, a kind of entering into oblivion like the escapism of getting drunk or high, and I was fully in control. You might recognize something in that. From my point of view, what keeps us alive is the knowledge that our death will hurt others, and that we actually have a lot to give others, and it would be damned ungrateful to throw that away.

I'm going to share a video of a guy who my best friend and I refer to as "Uncle Japko" - he's a psychologist, but comes across more like a wise and warm uncle with perfect advice:

 

[Applecore]

I hear you. There are still times where I need to experiment with things that weren’t permitted when I was a child. What happens if I break that rule? Or this rule? What does it feel like? Do I like it? What are the benefits I was missing?

Things we should have been learning as a child. But didn’t, because they weren’t allowed. If you have the freedom to make those choices for yourself now? Go hard and do what you need to:)

Thank you for this. The letter I mentioned above is something we spoke about two years ago Achieving 'Closure' - any tips?

You and others helped me find the right time and the right words and to make the right decision. I don't know what his reaction will be but it feels like the right thing to have done. I feel an energy and a release of a burden, able to get on with other things with renewed energy. Maybe that is adrenaline from stress, I had a relapse of lower back pain after sending it. Or maybe that is adrenaline from a kind of achievement. We'll see.

 

[Applecore]

@Movingforward10

I must apologize if I came across as overbearing or patronizing in my last post to you: I was aiming to help from the bottom of my heart, and sometimes I can inadvertently come across that way sometimes, for reasons I could speculate about.

I wanted to thank you for a comment two years ago: Achieving 'Closure' - any tips?

Yours was one of the messages that helped me get to here. As you have shown, asking questions can be a great way of helping people to think about their situation rather than tell them what to do. I am going to try it more often!

 

[Applecore]

I certainly don't want to speak for @Applecore , and I would not try to speak to someone who I know would invalidate or further abuse, as whatever I might expect or hope for I can't imagine happening (if they wanted to take responsibilty they would approach me). But, that being aside, this:


and what Applecare said in other posts may be more of the key, becoming assertive, having a voice, speaking feelings. Not for a purpose of response as much as defying now walking on eggshells. It would be standing up to an abuser versus running or being terrified or silenced. The day the elephant realizes the ball attached to his leg was nothing, and is nothing, and acts accordingly. JMHThoughts though, I could be wrong.

@Tinyflame

Yes. Thank you so much. Feels great to have danced on the eggshells. Without malice, with a constructive attitude.

I wanted to thank you for this post two years ago too Achieving 'Closure' - any tips?

It was one of those that helped me get to here.

 

[Movingforward10]

@Movingforward10

I must apologize if I came across as overbearing or patronizing in my last post to you: I was aiming to help from the bottom of my heart, and sometimes I can inadvertently come across that way sometimes, for reasons I could speculate about.

I wanted to thank you for a comment two years ago: Achieving 'Closure' - any tips?

Yours was one of the messages that helped me get to here. As you have shown, asking questions can be a great way of helping people to think about their situation rather than tell them what to do. I am going to try it more often!

Oh you haven't at all come across anything negative in the slightest and no need to apologise.
I'm just in my own little hole of hell at the moment. With various life events and not able to communicate the way I would wish to.

 

[Applecore]

Oh you haven't at all come across anything negative in the slightest and no need to apologise.
I'm just in my own little hole of hell at the moment. With various life events and not able to communicate the way I would wish to.

Okay well stay strong - something about the way you write makes me at least think you have a rock somewhere inside you that you can hold tight of.