Starting Again...

[Chin Strapped]

Hello everyone,

Been on this site for just over a week and a great site it is too, both the creator and the regular posters have opened my eyes, with the information that you have all shared. I came here almost frantically looking for answers as to why I'm not getting any better, so I apologise for the endless dribble that has come from my thoughts and onto the forums.

I have learnt that I have been ignorant regarding my own battle with combat ptsd; not really attempted to learn more about it, coasted through therapy sessions and not really been committed to find coping mechanisms. This is the reason I am still raw. If I'm honest I still have substance issues and absolutely hate relying on pot to calm me down on a bad day. I have allot of bad days :sick:

So I would like to say thank you to all who have helped open my eyes; today is the day I go see my psychologist, and for once be truly honest. I am beginning to destroy once again, marriage number 2 and myself.

I don't completely blame myself, I was involved in some crap, like you all, that changed my life. 3 years ago around about now, I came back from tour alive, just very numb and that feeling will not leave. Now thanks to you all, I realise this is not right and I need to do something, before I seriously shorten my life expectancy and leave behind a young family.

I will keep this updated with my progress, no doubt many of you would have done everything I'm about to do; so advice along the way would be much appreciated.

Really does feel like I'm starting again.

DM

 

[Ned]

You've got past the hardest bit. Good one, DM.

 

[Chin Strapped]

Just came clean to my psychologist, about how I've actually been 'self medicating' and not really paying any attention to anything that could have helped me! She obviously understood and was cool about it, don't know why that even made me nervous?

Starting in small doses: got to work on 'grounding' when I'm in my university lectures (crowds), to try and differentiate between past and present, also to remind me where I am and remind me that I can relax, nothing is going to happen!

Also, When I get nightmares, I should try getting up and carry out 'block jobs' (clean) etc... boring low level menial tasks, that will not wake me up any more than the original nightmare. I used to watch TV or flick the computer on.

Finally, If I find not smoking pot until I sleep difficult to maintain, then I can have duel diagnosis treatment, which will not hinder my ptsd therapy.

Happy days....maybe

It's a start

DM

 

[reddevil1111]

It is a start. I for one am proud of you for coming clean,... they are there to help you out not run you into the local jail. I know how hard it can be. I have quit on therapy 4 times. I think you will see some serious improvement soon. Grounding either works or it doesn't and I pray it works for you DM

 

[Chin Strapped]

Thank you to you both.

Feels good to be clean. My head was beginning to hurt.

 

[Wagon]

No worries man. I think your entry was pretty smooth. Should have seen me when I first got on. I was picking fights with Jimmy right and left. A wonder he did not see me to the door.

But then Jimmy came around to see my point of view entirely and after that Alan joined the site which really saved us all. :whistle:

 

[Barberian]

When you drop your defensive or "coping" mechanisms (denial and self medication, not grounding etc.) and let people see the "real" you, you at first feel naked and vulnerable. These feeling go away after a while. It also helps you to get to the real problems that are holding you back.

It takes a lot of courage, good job.

 

[Chin Strapped]

Cheers guys

I've got to do some soul searching! Denial is exactly what I have done and what did Alan do?

 

[Wagon]

Bearded Cheerleaders and accordion music. We're all different.

 

[reddevil1111]

Alam has a whole squadron of bearded cheerleaders that dance on his whims. Furry with big tits even.

 

[Sarg]

The tongue is what finally did it for me.

Sarg

 

[Chin Strapped]

Almost forgot what a sh*t sleeper I am. Night two without being in a pot enduced coma and I've had 10 hours of broken sleep over two nights. Thinking about seeing a hypnotherapist to have a personalised relaxation recording made, stick it on over night.

What you reckon?

DM