Starting New Type Of Treatment In Therapy

[Samantha_38]

I just started with a new therapist (psychologist really), and he wants to start a new kind of treatment plan. I've never really done any treatment plan. Mostly they just ask questions and I talk, some, usually not a lot. I'm not really overflowing with things I feel like talking about. This being a new T, I'm even less full of things I feel comfortable talking about.

I think he called it "Cognitive Processing" but it could be something else, my memory has been rough and he talked a lot today. Basically I'd have to write about the trauma, then read it out loud in therapy, and then I'm guessing we'd discuss it. He didn't talk a whole lot about what happens after I read it. Either that or I stopped comprehending after I heard, "read it out loud" and about choked on my own oxygen.

What has everyone's experience been with this sort of treatment? I have written a lot of my trauma's already. Should I just use something I've already written. There's probably some extra info in there that isn't really relevant, should I take that out? How the heck do I decide where to start?

That's not even getting into reading it out loud. I mean, I think my legs will be jello and my heart rate will be 200 just walking in the door knowing that's coming. How do I say the intimate things out loud, to someone I hardly even know, and what words should I even use? For some reason I think I freak out just as much when I use scientific anatomical terms, or more than I do, if I just use common terms. The stuff I have written is more common terms I guess.

I'm probably over thinking this, I always do. I'm really freaked out however. Any experience anyone has, or advice on how and where I'm supposed to start this would be good.

I think I'm also a little freaked out because of what occurred the last time I shared any of what I have written. Which unfortunately occurred on this site. I'm over it, and blame no one. Well if anyone me a little bit for being dumb. Basically I shared something that I had previously posted on a different site, someone searched it and thought I had copied it which resulted in a temporary banning until I proved I hadn't copied. Anyways its over with. But if I write things in a way that makes people react strongly like that...I don't really think I'm ready for strong reactions again. Hopefully sharing that story is against rules. Its really just something else I'm hung up on and could use some advice on.

I'm really struggling with this one.

 

[Samantha_38]

Comment Deleted due to irrelevance now

 

[sun seeker]

I think the reading it out loud part would be the most important part of this process, though I hear that it sounds like a lot to handle. My guess is the healing your therapist is hoping for has to do with breaking down the barriers of secrecy and shame most of us build around our traumas, especially if they have to do with early abuse (sorry, if you've shared this before I can't remember). Reading your own words out loud will help you integrate the trauma, I'm guessing.

The closest I've come to this exercise was reading out loud something I'd written in a support group. I cried all the way through it, but it was a relief.

It's important to discriminate about whom you share with, and how, though. If you are a little nervous, go for it. If it makes you feel like you are going to have a heart attack though, maybe he is asking too much too soon. Could you go into this more gradually? For one thing, you could write something and give it to him to read instead of reading it out loud just at first, and then discuss it. I've done this in therapy sessions. And for sure, start small. Don't go for the worst trauma or the most detailed account right off the bat. Work up to it as you feel able. Sharing in the right environment can be healing, but in the wrong environment it can be retraumatizing, and you have a right to decide what feels right for you.

 

[Dee Morris]

I found this. I'd never heard of it before but I can see how it can be helpful. http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/therapy-med/cognitive_processing_therapy.asp

 

[Samantha_38]

Thank you @sun seeker , I may decide to talk to him a little more about it next week.

I'm really torn about about what I actually want. I want the PTSD symptoms to go away, which I know isn't going to happen by just talking to someone. Like I actually have to do some type of PTSD treatment. Or at least, treatments not aimed directly at PTSD have not done anything for my actual PTSD problems. Nightmares, flashbacks, dissociation, etc. I also am not sure I'm ready though. And I'm not sure if maybe I'm just thinking I might not be ready because I'm nervous about, so maybe I'm over-reacting to nerves.

Thanks for the info. @Dee Morris , at least it gives me a better idea of what and why I will (or may be) doing this.