Peace all,
The title says it all. She's a good kid. She's a normal kid. She gets morose and simmers in anger and rejection. Compared to every other teen I know, she is pretty much half an angel.
She goes back and forth between her mom's and our house. The parents are loving and kind (with their own problems, sure, but really okay for the most part). All three of us get along and act together in trying to ease her heart.
She has some anger left over from their divorce 6 years ago but cannot decide who she is angry with most. Typically she directs it toward her dad because (I believe) she knows he can handle it, whereas her mom is more emotionally delicate and she does not want to hurt her (she is protective of her mom). All to say, when she is angry, she is typically angry at our house.
She does not blow up very much at all (when she does it [rarely], it is very low key teen "I hate you! *door slam*). Her anger just simmers, and simmers, and simmers. I end up walking on eggshells like I did with my ex-husband. I never knew when he was going to get angry either. Granted this is very low key. I'm not worried about her being violent with me or herself. But she can feel my fear of her and experiences it as rejection and hatred.
I do the positive stuff and approach her with an open mind and a positive tone, knowing this is teen emotion that must be processed. But I cannot seem to get around the fear.
When she is here, I start to get depressed. I cannot put on make-up, my body slumps, etc., everything looks negative. When she is not around, things perk up. (I'll be getting my meds boosted soon, btw).
My PTSD is not working for the both of us.
So practical question: How do I manage or get around the triggered fear I have of her?
Peace,
Melange
The title says it all. She's a good kid. She's a normal kid. She gets morose and simmers in anger and rejection. Compared to every other teen I know, she is pretty much half an angel.
She goes back and forth between her mom's and our house. The parents are loving and kind (with their own problems, sure, but really okay for the most part). All three of us get along and act together in trying to ease her heart.
She has some anger left over from their divorce 6 years ago but cannot decide who she is angry with most. Typically she directs it toward her dad because (I believe) she knows he can handle it, whereas her mom is more emotionally delicate and she does not want to hurt her (she is protective of her mom). All to say, when she is angry, she is typically angry at our house.
She does not blow up very much at all (when she does it [rarely], it is very low key teen "I hate you! *door slam*). Her anger just simmers, and simmers, and simmers. I end up walking on eggshells like I did with my ex-husband. I never knew when he was going to get angry either. Granted this is very low key. I'm not worried about her being violent with me or herself. But she can feel my fear of her and experiences it as rejection and hatred.
I do the positive stuff and approach her with an open mind and a positive tone, knowing this is teen emotion that must be processed. But I cannot seem to get around the fear.
When she is here, I start to get depressed. I cannot put on make-up, my body slumps, etc., everything looks negative. When she is not around, things perk up. (I'll be getting my meds boosted soon, btw).
My PTSD is not working for the both of us.
So practical question: How do I manage or get around the triggered fear I have of her?
Peace,
Melange
