Still In Denial

[Clydiechick]

I have just started reading this section of the forum, coincidently as I have been feeling pretty low about my marriage, or lack of.

My husband cheated on me, I feel very ashamed. So cheated. I am in denial about it, not that it actually happened, but how he could do it.:rofl:

I feel like a complete idiot.:stupid:

I know everyone has heard this before, but it's like a disease, you never think it will happen to you.

We have been through so much from on both sides and then this? I know I sound stupid, but how could he do this to me? I have done lots of things, am pretty hard to live with at times, but wow, I don't deserve this.

Where is the accountability? To me, our children, our life, everything. How do you step over that line?

I let him back in the family home. Not for me, but for the kids. I feel like I am living a lie. I just don't know if I can get the love back. I feel like it's another nightmare, but this time I just can't wake up.

As if I didn't feel alone before this, I feel so isolated and 'stuck' now. I talk anymore, I just grunt.:doh:

Clydie

 

[tryintobreathe]

Clydie,

Yes, you are right..you did not deserve this! I was married for almost 20 years and I caught my husband cheating on me. Have you thought about going to marriage counseling? I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I first found out. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

{{{hugs}}}}

Jen

 

[CCurry]

Hi Clydie,

Yes, I agree with you, nobody deserves that! Just like TTB said, if you are both willing to go to marriage counselling to see whether those ties can be repaired would probably be a good idea.

Take care.

 

[ISupportHer]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. There is no excuse for bad behavior, hurtful behavior, on either side of the PTSD relationship. Not for anyone and certainly not for him.

I will acknowledge all of the feelings you describe as valid. The betrayal, etc. I hear that you say you feel like an idiot but you are not.

This is about him and whatever drove the decision on his part. It is not your fault. Maybe my opinion but PTSD can influence so much. I do not know your situation and that statement is not an excuse by any means. What I mean is that you cannot "own" what he did or take blame therefore. Things may be tough in any relationship, especially one with PTSD. This is going to be a tough thing for you, obviously.

I will ask first. You OK for a hug?
If so: :Hug_emoticon:


ISH

 

[Grainne]

Oh gosh...I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to have to live with. I'm going to second (third, really) the counciling suggestion. Might be the best way for you both to move through this hard time, provided you are both willing of course.

I completely understand why you let him back into the home for your kids, but don't make yourself unhappy doing it. Things can be worked out whether he sleeps in your bed or otherwise.

Take care of You,
Grainne

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

Thanks everyone. The funny thing is we tried marriage counceling when things weren't going great, little did I know he was cheating on me at the time! He just plain straight lied to the councellor and me during the sessions, saying that he wasn't happy, and wasn't prepared to stay in a relationship because life is too short! He said it wasn't "because the grass was greener on the other side of the fence." What a load of BS! It was so green. I now feel so stupid that I sat there asking him what he wanted from me in front of the councellor and just getting this stupid look back. He really betrayed me and my counsellor.

My counsellor refuses to treat him now because of his actions and blatant hurt towards me, especially with all the other stuff I am going through. She suggested him finding another counsellor, he hasn't. I am now of the belief that he has to sort himself out and find out why he did what he did, before there can ever be an 'us' again. Otherwise I cannot be certain that he won't do it again, and I can't afford to go through all of this again.