Sufferer Still Learning How To Open Up

[lalazagna]

Hi all
Surprisingly difficult to start an introduction thread. Never been easy to talk about myself, was "raised" by a full blown narcissist, so always viewed talking about oneself in a negative way, and it's hard to shake that instinct.
Am 31, with cPtsd and frequent dissociation. Background story, that's where I block, always telling myself it wasn't bad enough, or because it was mostly emotional and mental, it's not as bad as what others went through. Then because on top of that, was raised in a destructive religious cult (left ten years ago), am reluctant to bring it up, because it's virtually impossible to explain the effect that can have.
Anyway, very few people know about this, so support network is very limited, but do see a trauma therapist weekly.
Have managed to keep it all well hidden, boxed up, it's not good long term, but that's how I learned to survive.
Am here in an attempt to open up, to learn how to be less vague, talk about what's going on inside.. Have no idea how you do it, usually my mouth opens and no words come out..

 

[Nevermore]

Hello!
I can totally relate to the difficulty you feel in telling the story. I have still not properly introduced myself here - and I feel bad about it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I haven't experienced being in a religious cult but have seen the effects on others I've known - can only imagine how awful that would be as a child!!
I'm glad you're here. (-:

 

[Rumors]

Hang in there... Glad you are here. There are a lot of people here who share your cult background. Hopefully you can connect and get some support.

 

[kona355]

@Link Removed - Glad you found this forum. It has a lot of really supportive people. I too don't write much, but just try to encourage here and there on occasion, and be encouraged by reading threads.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi and welcome X I'm a sufferer of Cptsd And dissociate on a really high level which leaves me traumatised X I totally understand where you coming from X my nieces were in a cult and thanx be to God and the support from there parents they are now trying to rebuild their life outside the cult X although I find it difficult to comprehend I know they suffered to a very high degree as did my brother and wife X they suffer on a daily basis, it's messed up there education and any thought of
Marriage , unfortunately for them there cousin from there mothers side was not so fortunate to get out and ended up marrying the leader ! My nieces punish themselves on a daily basis as they feel guilty that they could not save her and it's a very long and hard journey for us to persuade them otherwise X b strong, have faith and take any support you can X my prayers are with you X

 

[intothelight]

@katphish Welcome! :)

Take your time and post as you are comfortable. It takes a while to open up after being quiet for a long time, just be patient with yourself.

 

[lalazagna]

Thankyou to all of you for the kind welcome. And will hang in there. Not sure how to reply/quote to individual posts yet, but my thoughts are with everyone else who has been through this, or have family who are.
To namenotdiagnosed and your nieces, what you say is all too familiar. Am so glad they are out, but to have their cousin still inside and married to the leader sounds indescribably difficult. Most high control groups use many forms of mind control to trap their followers, a lot based on fear and guilt. It's a vicious circle, which doesn't end just because one leaves. My thoughts are with them.
K

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum