Stop Being A Marine

[track108]

My therapist said i need to "stop being a marine". Im not in the marines anymore but she told me to "let go of the marine corps". I kind of understand what she is saying, she said this when we were talking about how i verbally abused the women in my last few relationships and my rage issues. I need to let go and become charlie not lance corporal but how do i do that. Keep the honor, courage and commitment, the discipline and integrity, she said but i need to realise that civilians havent had this drilled into them like me, I said yeah i dont know and started talking about iraq.
I have great discipline and drive at work and my bosses and management always love me and i become a go to guy. Then after working at a place for a couple months my coworkers start to piss me off with their laziness and dicking around with stuff that has no need to be, or my managment for their lack of managment skills, like stopping my peers from dicking off.
I understand that civilians are not as diciplined as military folk but come on. I kind of lost where i was going with this but how am i supposed to drop the thing that has made me who i am today.
We have a saying in the marines. ONCE A MARINE ALWAYS A MARINE.
I dont know just kinda confused about being a civilian. Ive started a landscapping business and hired my brother and a couple of his national guard buddies so i dont have to deal with the civillian mindset at work but this is just side stepping a problem i have intergrating into society.
sorry about rambling this just bothers me.

P.S. I feel like my T doesnt try to have any control over the conversation like this situation. I didnt want to talk about not being a marine so i changed the subject, is she supposed to force the subject or is she supposed to let me just babble on about whatever i want.

 

[Jan-pattern]

Hi track108,

I think it depends on the type of therapy. For quite a few sorts, my understanding is that they let you take the discussion where you want to, and in fact what you don't talk about can give them a lot of useful ideas about what's deeper down to be explored at a later stage. Hope that makes sense.
Like - she raised "stop being a marine", and will have noted that in early March 2011 you were clearly uncomfortable and changed topic asap; maybe in a week, three months, a year, however long, she'll raise it again, or perhaps she'll keep an eye on how your respond to ideas that could be viewed as related to "stop being a marine" like maybe, oh id don't know, maybe whether people lost respect for your dad when he retired, or whatever, see if she can link that up or not... people are incredibly complex, and a qualified therapist is usually seeing FAR more than what is said out loud!

Jan

 

[wife of]

I think she might of put that quite badley,its more a case of remembering that you are a trained marine and everyone else is not,similar to the way an adult will temper thier language and behaviour whilst talking to a child or someone who is differently abled! Its more about learning to be flexible in your approach with others and trying to see things from the others point of view etc.Being a trained marine will give you many fine qualities that will do you well in any given work or civvy situation and you should be proud of that,you just need to temper that with some of the behaviours that were drilled out of you like compassion and empathy etc,these are not just emotions but can become ingrained by habitual use.I was always a classic say it as you see it person til a few years ago and the tool that has really benifited me is to purely take a few seconds to breath before answering someone and making sure that I'm responding on thier level with stuff,for me its a part mom thing and part ptsd wife thing,but hey you might find it helpful.

 

[MurphyJB]

Hey now! Not all civilians are lazy with no work ethic. :p But yea, a great many if them are.

IMHO there is a time and a place to "be" a Marine, and then sometimes you have to "shut off" certain parts of it. I don't know if that will really make sense to anyone but me...

 

[willis williams]

You will always be a Marine just like I will always be a soldier. The learned things that are negative from the service can be changed with time. Therapists usually just let you talk because hearing it out loud in a safe secure invironment you will generally rationalize it out yourself. Don't stop being a Marine just focus on the honor and dignity of it. Verbally abusing someone isn't very honorable. The PTSD makes it to were we can't always control it but that is not the Marine talking it is the PTSD. I know this because I have a lot of friends that were career Marines scout snipers, infantry, force recon, and tankers that are combat vets and when they want to be they can be quite the gentlemen. I had a real problem with the verbal artilery in my first marriage and it took a lot of work to slow it down and will still resort to it if not aloud to walk away. I always say its enough and if it is kept going then it lets loose. I am lucky that Seren knows to wate till the next day to bring it up again because I usually am reacting to a perceived threat that is really just her getting on to me for a good reason. I got her to realize to let it go early on in our relationship because I would just leave and come back later because after all the fighting in my marriage I couldn't take anymore I was to the point of physicle violance and I didn't want that. I don't feel that way now but the almost 2 yr. divorce and the PTSD I was at my limit of what I was willing to take from someone I cared about I just knew that I was at my snapping point. It worked out because I have never hurt her and we are really in love with each other and she can put up with me that a plus. TEX

 

[Mockingbird13]

Hi T,
I underdstand your frustration - its a different world after the Marine Corps - the adjustment to civilian life is not easy. I remember getting frustrated that things just didnt seem right, I missed the attention to detail and the biggee for me was the Leadership by example. But if you remember In the Corps as well as Civi life you have your Good responsible take on any challenge Marine, and Im sure you encountered your share of lazy Marines that did not do their share and would make you wonder how the hell they made it through bootcamp. - It's all over !!!

I truly hated when people would tell me to stop acting like a Marine - I sometimes felt they were jealous to be me.

Look at the civilian world as just another challenge given to you. Yes, seeing how un-sat things are will frsutrate you, but it will get easier as time goes by. You by all means do not need to lower your personal standards, but always keep in the back of your mind - your fellow co-workers did not go though bootcamp - they did not have the training of disipline that you had, but that they are able to contribute in different ways.

Also, remember when you were in the Corp - how we used to dog out other branches of service (sorry to all others) but Marines know they are the best. But now in the civilian world when you work with other civilians and find out that maybe one of them serverd in another branch, a sort of commradere comes out, a common bond. Well that same spirit should come out as fellow employees (prior service or not) . You are working the same job together - a small but still a common bond.

Like I said - it will get easier as time goes on. You cant ever stop being a Marine , but you can control how the Marine inside of you deals with others.

Hang in there...and Semper Fi !