Sufferer Straight Inc...35 Years After The Fact

[JayL]

Well, I'm looking for some kind of direction on how to reconcile.

I'll be honest - I've never heard of someone doing it without a lot of self deception. Most stories sound like yours. I've gotten a lot of empathy from the "survivor community" on this point. My mother has apologized - but not in a real way. She would tell you that no matter how many times she apologizes it will never be good enough for me. The problem is that her apology is along the lines of "I'm sorry about what happened to you there" and "I'm sorry I made such a big mistake" and not something more like "I'm sorry that I hurt you". The decision to send a kid away is a selfish one. I could destroy her if I cross examined her in court.

"What problem was it, exactly, that I had?"

"Who diagnosed me with this problem? Did other people in my life see it the way you did?"

"How did you think the program would solve this problem, and what evidence did you have to support this view?"

"Who encouraged you, or agreed with your decision to put me in the program and had also spent at least 5 minutes in the same room as me in the previous 2 years?"

Now that I'm back with her I'm faced with the constant memory of this experience and the typical (now resurgent) symptoms of PTSD - which make any kind of relationship difficult, coupled with the fact that she both refuses to acknowledge that I was traumatized by the experience (diagnosed), or that she had any real responsibility for it.

As she told me (over the phone, in the same house) tonight, I'm "mentally ill", was "always this way".

 

[InsideAWord]

I actually watched the deposition tapes of Newton and his wife. Last night, I actually kept watching recordings about KIDS and Straight, Inc. because I couldn't get over how twisted the entire phenomena was.

Taking children out of school, sitting on individuals to restrain them? That one really got me. I work with students who are ACTUALLY violent, they have behavioral and emotional disorders. We are licensed to correctly restrain students and we are only to use it as a last resort after all other strategies have been employed. And, you would never ever place an adolescent in a "9 hour restraint." That's absurd.

"Motivating" -- those arm-waving gestures were so off the wall and strange and some people actually did look like they were doing it like their lives depended on it. When Mrs. Newton was asked to demonstrate to the state attorney how to motivate, she wouldn't do it.

The saddest case I came across was Lulu Corter who had no diagnosed problems and spent 13 years inside KIDS and five of those years were spent in Phase I. She now has mental illnesses as a result of her trauma and couldn't return to complete her schooling.

 

[Woof]

InsideAWord

I can't thank you enough for your interest in the plight of the Triubled Teen Industry! Rarely does a person delve into "our" history as you have.

Institutionalized Child Abuse such as Straight Inc, KIDS and WWASP has a long and sordid history which precedes my introduction to the system and continues up to this very moment! Most that I know including myself are not foolish enough to entertain the notion that children are not often in need of some sort of counsel. That notion is ludicrous!

These facilities represent less than 1% of the treatment facilities available. Yet the damages created by these less than reputable organizations are astronomical! They are the true underbelly of the industry.

The amount of corruption supporting Straight Inc is truly flabbergasting! You no doubt saw the Princess Di and Nancy Regan visits to Straightt Inc. President Bushs endorsements etc. Mel Sembler who along with his wife Betty Sembler started Straight Inc after The Seed (Straight Inc's predessesor) was shut down via the federal government. Received three ambassadorships for his efforts in the failed Drug War, that is Straight Inc.

The history I think exceeds my purpose here however. While I think it important to discuss the origin of my PTSD...it also can quickly spiral me into a very angry place. It is not only the atrocities that took place that trigger and haunt me...the history infuriates me. Before I know it I am in a complete tailspin with no graceful way out.

Again I appreciate your investigation! I wish you...

Much Peace
Woof

 

[InsideAWord]

The history I think exceeds my purpose here however. While I think it important to discuss the origin of my PTSD...it also can quickly spiral me into a very angry place. It is not only the atrocities that took place that trigger and haunt me...the history infuriates me. Before I know it I am in a complete tailspin with no graceful way out.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you but I am investigating these organizations because I'm so appalled by these institutions. I work at an institution for violent and at-risk adolescents, but we have licensed psychiatrists who are compassionate and everyone on the staff is told to treat each student with the utmost respect as if you were dealing with a family member or a friend's child.

Sorry, I will stop, but after investigating the history of Straight, Inc. and KIDS, I can better understand or at least imagine what kind of trauma has ingrained the linings of your life and I am so so sorry that these monsters concocted an entity that is so disgustingly subtle and deprecating.

I am here to listen and to support your healing.

 

[Woof]

Mea Culpa. Your investigation is greatly appreciated. It is my own study of it that gets me. I don't mind education. It's my investigations that seem like I have chased the rabbit into a deep deep hole. Any questions you have that iay be able to answer, I will be happy to. Apologies for not being clear.

 

[InsideAWord]

It's alright, I just want to make sure that you're okay.

 

[DMerish]

Woof,

In a very small way can I fanthom what you went through; I say only in a small way because I was part of a cult for nineteen years many of my early adult life. Elements of the cult formed the foundation for events that happened to cause my PTSD. I had learned of hideous things that went on, and were being approved of. When I left, I spoke up. Twenty-seven other individuals left within months after me. They had learned of sexual molestation of some of the adult member's children, which I foresaw early and got myself and my kids outta there. Others left after the media got wind of the abuse.

I have not associated with a single person of the former community. I have yet to talk about my experience in the cult even in this forum, which I know as a safe place of refuge. I just can't do it, yet. to reflect on what happened in the cult, enrages me. And I don't see myself as every being with a partner again. I feel a very deep part of me was broken and can't be fixed.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm glad to that someone found you to be loveable ;)

You are very courageous, and I admire and respect you. Welcome to the forum.

Peace and serenity,
~ Drew

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Crmlgrl]

At 14, I was placed in Straight Inc. January 21st 1978.
I had smoked Pot. I had drank Alcohol. (Less than...

Hello, I read your story and had to reply. First, im so sorry for your suffering. Three years is unimaginable to me. I was in straight St Pete 1977/78 (copped out 5th phase). It was such a nightmare for us all. Now, at 52, three careers, never married, panic attacks, I'm still coming to terms with some things about Straight...was in denial for many years about its impact:). You are very brave to share so openly...THANKYOU.

 

[GiGirules]

JayL...you're not alone in this because I was kidnapped, put on an airplane to St Petersburg FL and forced into Straight by my mother, we've been estranged off and on for 32 years. I was 15 when put in Straight and am now 47. I have suffered severe PTSD from my time in Straight, even after so many many years :(, and also have a permanent and incurable illness of the urinary tract system from being forced to hold my urine for hours on end in the program. I recently went on disability, am having to sell my home, put my things in storage and move in with....gasp! My mother, who lives in a totally different state. Even being around my mother sets off PTSD in me. But I cannot float a mortgage and bills on reduced disability pay.

I never had kids and have always had a hard time trusting ANYONE in relationships. I've been in therapy off and on (mostly on) for the past 30 years. I've suffered severe clinical depression and Major Depressive Episodes. It ain't been pretty, I can assure you. :((

Here's the thing...I have no choice but to live with my mom because her house is renovated and paid off, and she wants me to be able to live in it after she passes away. Even Section 8 housing in my state has a 3 year waitlist! I would be homeless if not for her letting me come live there.

I've had to recently do some VERY hard work recently in trying to reconcile the past between her and I. I had to listen intently to HER side of the reasons she thought Straight was such a great idea, because really all I've known is my side of the horror. I also forced myself to delve into and listen to the abuses SHE suffered as child. It's helping me to understand why she thought it was ok to leave her own child in the hands of others to deal with that allowed zero communication in the program....instead of being a better mother and trying to make it work on our own. Or putting me somewhere where I could at least call her. This is hard to convey in a typed message...but you get where I'm going with this. It's tough stuff for all of us, SO complicated and messy.

It is going to be VERY difficult at times to live with my mother because I do still blame her alot for the permanent psychological and physical damage I was subject to in Straight. But, I'm very slowly starting to gain a shred of empathy for her AND my peers who abused me in Straight.

It is such a long road. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. And, I hope living with your parent isn't as devastating and I'm afraid it's going to be for me. We are soldiers and we are survivors. You're very brave and anyone who survived Straight is in my book a Hero.

 

[Gigirules]

This thread is a bit old but I signed up today in effort to work on healing my PTSD. I do see therapist once a week, but nobody really "gets it' except other Straight survivors. :( My story AND my cop-out story (yaaaay!!!!) is on the Straight survivor's website. I have to take long breaks from the topic sometimes months, because I have many triggers and when the PTSD hits hardest, I literally blank out and lose time.

Anyway, Woof ---- I wanted to thank you for sharing your brave story. I know how hard it is to discuss the trauma, and I hate that you had to endure it. But, just know your message is very soothing for alot of us. :)

Sending love and light,
Gigi