Strange Feelings

[Footie freak]

Hi.
I have been in therapy for a while now, and one of the biggest mountains I have been trying to climb with my therapist is allowing my emotions to come through. This is not easy for me, as I have spent my life hiding my feelings, as my parents were not interested in me, only my little brother. Since my trauma I have managed to build a massive wall around myself to help me cope, deal with things and NOT allow anyone to see me emotionally. This has been evident in my therapy sessions.

So, when I went to therapy the other day, my therapist asked me to bring my trauma to mind and talk about it...... Reluctantly I started to detail what had happened, but the therapist kept stopping me and trying to "process" various parts using emdr. I am not against this at all, but I felt strange as I was starting to feel my eyes welling up, and the odd tear escaping- but every time she stopped me the feelings went away.

How am I supposed to allow the emotions to come out, if she keeps doing this to me??
Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[WillyKat]

I think you should ask her that question. It's frustrating to you...that much is clear. It's easy to forget that she works for you and that you need to know the game plan.

She may have something in mind, a plan of sorts, but you have a right to know what it is it seems to me.

I too spent years hiding, burying, denying my feelings. It was only this past year that they've started to come out, like with my meltdown this morning with my wife. If your experience is like mine, we hide them from ourselves as much as others, and we are very, very good at hiding.

Another thought just occurred to me. There's been a couple of times when I let my emotions come out, they are quite overwhelming and I start to feel that I'm falling apart, that therapy failed, that all this is for nothing. Intellectually, rationally, I understand that crying for example is actually a sign of health, but it's uncharted territory and frightening. Maybe she only wants a little to come out at once? I don't know.

 

[Jane.l]

I am just discovering emotions and really not enjoying it ! Don't know what the hell it is I feel most of the time and it makes me feel really low .

But maybe your T doesn't realise what you are feeling - I always expect people to read my mind ! Talk to her like willykat says- maybe you are covering it better than you think and she doesn't realise the full impact it has on you .