Struggling to Balance College and a Psychotic(?) Mother From Afar

[tofubreadcoriander]

I'm struggling. Trying to go through college while homeless having been diagnosed with a mental breakdown, C-PTSD, extreme anxiety and dissociation (plus on a mood stabilizer and an anti psychotic myself).

My mother just phoned me to tell me she is listened by microphones in the television and that hackers stole data from her phone (my brother bought her an old phone with keypad and took away her smartphone). I'm in another country and can't be there to make sure she's taking her meds. I'm suspecting she hasn't been taking her meds and has had a psychotic breakdown (doctor said she has panic attacks; she will visit a new doctor with my brother tomorrow). My relationship with my brother is strained (he attempted to scam me and my mother during my father's succession).

Anyways, my mother somehow either lost, gave away, destroyed or misplaced the succession papers (she assured me nobody knew where she was keeping them, not even my brother). I have sent a message to the notary office to hopefully find out soon what can be done in this situation with the papers declared lost.

It's really affecting me to stay afloat to focus on college (which is next to impossible already). What would you advice me to do?

 

[littleoc]

I would advise you to take a mini vacation where you don't have to worry about this. Despite your worry for your mom, there's nothing you can do right now. It sounds like she'll be seeing another doctor soon, and if that's true that doctor may he able to help.

Theoretically you might be able to call EMS in her area to go check on her and see if she needs more intimidate help.

But if it were me, I'd be going to the park or to the pet store or what have you to take a mental break where I'm allowed to not worry about it.

I might also warn professors that I'm having troubles with an ill mother at home so they're aware that you are under unusual stress.

If you're already starting a process for the succession papers, it's likely you're already doing everything you can in that regard (if not maybe someone here will know), so I would try to trust yourself for now and just worry about next steps.

Take care of yourself. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

 

[arfie]

may i ask what "succession papers" are? i googled it, but the results were too diverse for clear context.

gentle empathy on the hardship of getting through college with the "support" of mentally ill family members. in addition to two mentally ill parents, i had 10 siblings who had grown up to be their equals. quite a few of them figured that if i could afford college tuition, i could afford to pay their rent and/or support their addictions. i remain ashamed to admit that i was not able to jump that hurdle, but i still believe it is eminently possible.

my first semester in college was a total disaster. after one of the counselors caught me bouncing off walls, she pulled me into her office and helped me to finish the semester. those student services offices were helpful in both of the colleges i attended. toward the end of that first semester, the counselor started suggesting a relocation might be in order. she was didn't believe it was possible to finish college with that much chaos to distract me. i moved to another college 1800 miles from that chaos, then had to reside in the new state for a year to avoid the outrageous out-of-state tuition. i did far better at the new college, but my own mental illness kept getting in the way. the counseling i received through student services helped tremendously, but child prostitution is a toughie to recover from.

i hope i'm not co-opting your thread. i mostly wanted to let you know you are not alone
steadying support while you find your way through.
easy does it.

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

may i ask what "succession papers" are? i googled it, but the results were too diverse for clear context.

Sure. When one family member dies and you sort the inheritance. In our case it ended up equal because of my intervention. My brother tried to scam me and my mother. In the end he gave in and signed the papers so that the distribution is that my mother now has the majority of ownership of the apartment, while me and my brother got 1/4 (IIRC) each.

gentle empathy on the hardship of getting through college with the "support" of mentally ill family members. in addition to two mentally ill parents, i had 10 siblings who had grown up to be their equals. quite a few of them figured that if i could afford college tuition, i could afford to pay their rent and/or support their addictions. i remain ashamed to admit that i was not able to jump that hurdle, but i still believe it is eminently possible.

my first semester in college was a total disaster. after one of the counselors caught me bouncing off walls, she pulled me into her office and helped me to finish the semester. those student services offices were helpful in both of the colleges i attended. toward the end of that first semester, the counselor started suggesting a relocation might be in order. she was didn't believe it was possible to finish college with that much chaos to distract me. i moved to another college 1800 miles from that chaos, then had to reside in the new state for a year to avoid the outrageous out-of-state tuition. i did far better at the new college, but my own mental illness kept getting in the way. the counseling i received through student services helped tremendously, but child prostitution is a toughie to recover from.

i hope i'm not co-opting your thread. i mostly wanted to let you know you are not alone
steadying support while you find your way through.
easy does it.

I think there's a lot of resilience in your story. You're not co-opting my thread at all. Trauma bonds are difficult to break. I should go no contact (tried it once, they declared me disappeared and had to go to the police station to reassure them I just went no contact) though one part of me still cares for my mentally ill mother.

The worst is that I get triggered when she gets triggered and so that's not fun. Alas, I managed to calm down last night and got some sleep. Will call her today after classes to learn how the visit to the doctor went (if my brother really took her there) and whether my brother tried to scam her in any way.

One thing I'm clinging to for sure, which is that I have to take care of myself first in order to provide care to others.

P.S. my brother didn't even bother to reply to my message this year wishing him happy birthday and just plainly told my mother that she sees things because "she's having problems in her head" - I would tell him not to speak to her like that but I fear he would withdraw support and so she wouldn't see a doctor

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

So, I talked with my mother. She is put on new meds. (only one of the previous medication will be retained). And I sorted out the succession papers issue (notary can release a legalized copy to my mother).

All in all, it's a rollercoaster and she keeps telling me stories of her seeing things on the TV of people looking for me.

Anyways, she's clearly delusional. I can only hope the new meds will help.

 

[littleoc]

I hope so too

 

[abovedown]

So, I talked with my mother. She is put on new meds. (only one of the previous medication will be retained). And I sorted out the succession papers issue (notary can release a legalized copy to my mother).

All in all, it's a rollercoaster and she keeps telling me stories of her seeing things on the TV of people looking for me.

Anyways, she's clearly delusional. I can only hope the new meds will help.

Remember to take care of yourself too! It's good your mom gets the new medicine and hopefully they are a good fit for her .

If you are able
a) Remember regular sleep times
b) a daily walk outside helps at least me to stay more positive and focused
c) regular eating times
d) when the walls feels like closing in talk to a friend/family friend or write here

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Remember to take care of yourself too! It's good your mom gets the new medicine and hopefully they are a good fit for her .

If you are able
a) Remember regular sleep times
b) a daily walk outside helps at least me to stay more positive and focused
c) regular eating times
d) when the walls feels like closing in talk to a friend/family friend or write here

Thank you! I must admit, keeping these in check can be a challenge. I haven't had much compassion growing up so it's tough to articulate that to myself (e.g. "of course you're struggling, you've enough on your plate and now with your mom having another meltdown it makes it all the more challenging. let's take a few deep breaths, rest and see how she's doing tomorrow").

Last night in particular I felt the acute anxiety and took me 1 and a ½ hours more to fall asleep. Thankfully, I have a steady appetite, though I definitely find it challenging when multiple stressors come in (I kind of want to give up).

I found writing here and getting support to be of tremendous help so thanks all for that.

 

[abovedown]

College itself can be tough enough and now as you practically act as a caretaker for your mom is even harder. I think you have done well balancing two tough things in your life!