Suicidal Mates, Any Thoughts?

[NicG]

For something close to 8 years I've somehow been the person that attracts all the "troubled souls". I remember when I was 16, juggling three different conversations with suicidal friends at once at midnight on a school night. My parents would yell at me for staying up late and I'd cry because I didn't want to leave my friends, I was scared they'd end their lives if I left and wasn't trying to stop them. I'm now 21 and I have much better boundaries but I somehow still end up surrounded by suicidal people.

My close friends tell me it's because I'm able to act compassionately towards them and validate their feelings, since I know all about what it's like to be depressed. But I've just found out yet another mate is thinking about killing himself and I'm not overly sure how to handle it. I trust the guy, but since my abuse was from men with self-esteem issues, I'm hesitant to get too close. I also don't want to make my own PTSD worse by getting involved in other peoples issues. But then I don't want to ignore him, since he IS my friend and he's crying out for help, and I don't want him to feel like his issues are invalid. How do I walk the line between not caring enough, or being too involved? I can manage this balance with women relatively well but it's a lot harder with men.

 

[GWhizz]

Gently very cautiously tell him how much you care for him and need him to be strong for himself and for you. But be honest. Tell him you are here for him in whatever way you can be.

But that is not as a lifesaver or therapist (I wouldn't verbalize this line, I'm just saying it to you).

Tell him that you are battling your own struggles right now but that you know from experience that therapy/professional support is the way to go.

You are not an emergency department or a psych team. Trust me, as a nurse and as someone close to those who have been suicidal and some who have succeeded also, no one person can save another nor should you feel responsible for that heavy heavy weight. They need to want to save themselves and know that that means getting as much support and coping resources as are avail.

I do not know that men are really that different, I think moreso every individual is completely different.

You sound like a very good friend but well balanced in that you know your own needs come 1st right now. You can only be the helper so much though - I used to be the constant 'fixer' but it takes it's toll. Remember that you cannot help anyone else fully if you aren't 1st doing everything to help yourself.

 

[Lucycat]

You can't do this by yourself. You are not a crisis centre. My suggestion would be to share the burden. Tell other people about your friend so there can be a team approach. If this is not feasible then engage the support of a group like the Samaritans ( UK suicide prevention charity) - like giving your friend the contact details and encourage him to call.

Do not take on this responsibility. It is not yours, and although you want to help it is not healthy for you. Let him know you care, but leave it at that.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I've been dealing with something similar. I worry all the time that I will let my friend down. What everyone says above makes sense.

 

[bluecupcake]

I have a similar situation some nights , if I can't cope with it I link them to websites where they can talk to people about it or call another friend to step in. I always suggest seeing a doctor or gp , one of my friends always refused to but it turns out he did go , he is now getting help so it's a relief. I have found since I was diagnosed with ptsd my friends open up to me less because they don't want me to have to deal with anymore than I need to which is nice of them I suppose but then I worry about them and start imagining the worst case scenarios.