HomelessJoe
Bronze Member
Surviving the shadows isn't fun anyone. I'm a fixer who can't be fixed. I work full time but can't afford to live in doors. I help others with what they consider to be problems. I've built so.many homes and repaired even more. While living next to a dumpster. My coworkers see the irony of being the one to help other with their homes while sleeping outside. Others just see a homeless guy taking up space behind a building. They harass me every night. Complaining about me constantly being here.
It is extremely annoying for people to say how my life offends them. Believe me it offends me far more. I'm not breaking the law, I'm not trespassing and I'm not begging for handouts. I'm the manager of this property and people still complain that in here. I fix there shower while having gone years without one myself. I fix there toilets while im shitting in a bag next to my bed. I repair their windows while not being allowed to be seen through them.
Everynight I'm woken by people walking past who just have to complain that there is homeless guy over there. I hear , eew, gross and what a waste all the time when Im off work. Then the same people asking for my help during the day.. They typically avoid me and try and ask my coworkers for help. Who in turn send them to me. Because I know more about building and maintaining a home. Which has become a foreign word to myself.
The media never talks to the homeless folks like me they report on the drug addicts and thief's. I've never gotten food stamps or welfare. I work to survive and believe if I can make my own than it's wrong to ask for help. But I'm always looked at as a burden on the community. Some know me and are respectful. Most don't try to see a person. I'm homeless first and a person second. The high ground can feel very low sometimes. The lives they live should make them grateful but somehow it makes them resentful to the ones without what they have.
I've helped the local fire department so many times that they have my back when it comes to my removal. Everyone else just complains that I'm allowed to live this way. Like I have alternatives. Every night between nightmares of being tortured I'm awoken by privileged people complaining about my existence. It's a reminder that the nightmare is just a dream and it reality that's the threat.
I've been trying to fix my life for years. I don't think people understand that once your homeless there is extra steps to everything...we are expected to see the invisible lines that nobody has to know about. We don't just file the same paperwork and get the same results. First that paperwork has to verified which comes with a extra fee and extra waiting period. The price for the housed is a few hundred for the homeless few thousand. The wait for the housed is days or even hours. For the homeless it's weeks and even months.
I'm just tired of being so alone in so many ways. Everyone I've known with my type of PTSD is dead. They either didn't survive it or couldn't live with it. Everyone I've known who is homeless has been removed or arrested. I'm still here because I'm not illegally camping. I'm not on someone's property without their permission. The owner of this property relies on me because most people around here don't know how to work or have limits on what work they'll do.
I'm just tired of being alone in this journey to nowhere. I've gave up on finding help years ago. I was in therapy until my therapist retired and no other therapists in this area will take someone without an address. Hell my bank keeps trying to close my account because the address I have on file is old and I don't have a residential address to give them. My money is even worth less in this greedy world.
People always judging me without knowing me. Sometimes I want to scream my story in there face. But I try and keep the high ground. When people know my story. Then they look at me with disgust and horror.. I've been asked "why aren't you Dexter" too many times. Like I'm supposed to let being tortured control who I am as a person. I don't want to hurt people. I help people and try and make their lives better
I'm at a loss of what to look forward to in this life. It's always just more disappointment. I'm currently a thousand dallors invested into.paperwork that cost the average person two hundred dallors. What takes most a few hours it has so far taken me four months. I'm afraid my paperwork will be declined again and I'll be forced to stay homeless. I've found so many paths outward and never been allowed to walk them. I'm beginning to mirror peoples reactions. When they look at me with disgust. I also look at them with disgust.
It is extremely annoying for people to say how my life offends them. Believe me it offends me far more. I'm not breaking the law, I'm not trespassing and I'm not begging for handouts. I'm the manager of this property and people still complain that in here. I fix there shower while having gone years without one myself. I fix there toilets while im shitting in a bag next to my bed. I repair their windows while not being allowed to be seen through them.
Everynight I'm woken by people walking past who just have to complain that there is homeless guy over there. I hear , eew, gross and what a waste all the time when Im off work. Then the same people asking for my help during the day.. They typically avoid me and try and ask my coworkers for help. Who in turn send them to me. Because I know more about building and maintaining a home. Which has become a foreign word to myself.
The media never talks to the homeless folks like me they report on the drug addicts and thief's. I've never gotten food stamps or welfare. I work to survive and believe if I can make my own than it's wrong to ask for help. But I'm always looked at as a burden on the community. Some know me and are respectful. Most don't try to see a person. I'm homeless first and a person second. The high ground can feel very low sometimes. The lives they live should make them grateful but somehow it makes them resentful to the ones without what they have.
I've helped the local fire department so many times that they have my back when it comes to my removal. Everyone else just complains that I'm allowed to live this way. Like I have alternatives. Every night between nightmares of being tortured I'm awoken by privileged people complaining about my existence. It's a reminder that the nightmare is just a dream and it reality that's the threat.
I've been trying to fix my life for years. I don't think people understand that once your homeless there is extra steps to everything...we are expected to see the invisible lines that nobody has to know about. We don't just file the same paperwork and get the same results. First that paperwork has to verified which comes with a extra fee and extra waiting period. The price for the housed is a few hundred for the homeless few thousand. The wait for the housed is days or even hours. For the homeless it's weeks and even months.
I'm just tired of being so alone in so many ways. Everyone I've known with my type of PTSD is dead. They either didn't survive it or couldn't live with it. Everyone I've known who is homeless has been removed or arrested. I'm still here because I'm not illegally camping. I'm not on someone's property without their permission. The owner of this property relies on me because most people around here don't know how to work or have limits on what work they'll do.
I'm just tired of being alone in this journey to nowhere. I've gave up on finding help years ago. I was in therapy until my therapist retired and no other therapists in this area will take someone without an address. Hell my bank keeps trying to close my account because the address I have on file is old and I don't have a residential address to give them. My money is even worth less in this greedy world.
People always judging me without knowing me. Sometimes I want to scream my story in there face. But I try and keep the high ground. When people know my story. Then they look at me with disgust and horror.. I've been asked "why aren't you Dexter" too many times. Like I'm supposed to let being tortured control who I am as a person. I don't want to hurt people. I help people and try and make their lives better
I'm at a loss of what to look forward to in this life. It's always just more disappointment. I'm currently a thousand dallors invested into.paperwork that cost the average person two hundred dallors. What takes most a few hours it has so far taken me four months. I'm afraid my paperwork will be declined again and I'll be forced to stay homeless. I've found so many paths outward and never been allowed to walk them. I'm beginning to mirror peoples reactions. When they look at me with disgust. I also look at them with disgust.
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