Thanks For The Good Energy! I'm Back From The Hospital.

[Whirlwind]

I figured, "Well, I'm in the looney bin, so I might as well let it all hang out." I discovered some parts of myself that had been buried deep inside me, and I engaged with them.

And my heart broke open. And suddenly, the addict who had terrified me the night before became just a sweet person in deep physical and psychological pain. And all the other people who had been upsetting me became just people, like me, who were trying their best to live their lives.

Your story mesmerized me, you write wonderfully just fyi....thank you for sharing. I "get" some of what you shared on a visceral level. Your experience was unbelievably intense and what you share here is oddly optimistic. I love that, again a big thanks for sharing.

Thank you, Whirlwind

 

[SabrinaB]

Hospital stories are triggering for me because the bureaucratic dysfunction and broken souls running them caused my PTSD. I dedicated my life to improving care from the inside and typically get fired up hearing tales like yours, but oddly that didn't happen this time.

It's a learned skill to see the full perspective of situations, especially when outrageous atrocities command our attention. That you have done this, and also have managed to find ways you can improve the situation have made an impression upon me. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Friday]

I went to rehab many years ago (it seemed the thing to do at the time)... Which was where I came up with my personal rule of thumb: the services offered have to be better than the results gotten from staying at a luxury hotel in the tropics (or wherever) being waited on hand & foot & blissed out on massage, good food, clean air, exercise, etc.

11 days in a decent rehab (60 day program, I got kicked out, told to seek PTSD treatment ;) go figure) cost me $7k.

For 7k I could have spent a couple weeks at the Hilton.

Lessons learned. Not always the ones intended.

 

[Lucycat]

Mostly because is doesn't have to be this way.

This is what upsets me. I hate bad experiences that should not have happened. I hate the idea of such heavy handed 'protection' which could be replaced with empathetic talk, listening and offerings of kindness. I hate the 'one rule fits all' mentality, whereby addicts are treated in the same facility/room as those suffering from psychological distress. There is the potential for a huge amount of progress in mental health services, if anybody cares enough to make it happen.

 

[Eleanor]

In an ironic turn... perhaps it is time to actually PUT the lunatics in charge of the asylum. ;) Seriously.

I wonder if any U. psych people are reading and could get funding to do a pilot program... or perhaps it has been done.

There are certainly times and places for medication and therapeutic interventions, but I am with @FridayJones, there is an awful lot to be said for just plain taking care of people and letting them be in safe and pleasant surroundings for an extended period of time.

 

[Hope4Now]

Lessons learned. Not always the ones intended.

and...
perhaps it is time to actually PUT the lunatics in charge of the asylum.

Yes. I realized pretty quickly that instead of going to the ER, I should have packed the car with camping gear, driven east to my favorite place on the water, and rented a campsite for a week of rest in the quiet of nature. I didn't because I felt like I needed some people to take care of me as I am so very, very tired of all this fighting. But nobody really took care of me anyway, at least in the ways I really needed. So, next time, it's camping. Or, if I win the lottery I never play, a spa somewhere beautiful.

 

[Hope4Now]

there is an awful lot to be said for just plain taking care of people and letting them be in safe and pleasant surroundings for an extended period of time.

We posted simultaneously. Yes. Probably have to be selective though about which lunatics...some of the people I was with would make decisions for what works for themselves only. There are a lot of people in this world who are so wounded that they cannot see beyond their own pain and needs.

A key word here is "safe." In the world of medical psychiatry, "safe" seems to mean hired guards, chainlink covering any open spaces, no sharps, no strings, and lots of prn calming medication. Sigh. I would have done better on a child unit, I suspect, as that is the part that really needed the help.

 

[Recovery4Me]

In hind site, many of my Family of Origin's wealthier friends took 'extended vacations'. The mothers were what we called back then rather frazzled or the gentlemen were referred to as having a mid-life crisis. However, I really do believe the need set was the same...to get away and allow some hope, fun and actual family interaction. I think the art of family time with gentle support, fun and one on one has been slowly squashed through economics as well as some technology habits...but then I grew up playing board games. :clown:

As gender roles are changing, it is harder to take me-time or initiate self care. That really is core to feeling secure at times. (((hugs))) I hope you spend more time on you @Hope4Now in a kind way that allows healing. Trusting yourself to know when you need your time can be key. xx No false shame...be proud of you...I am.

 

[sun seeker]

Welcome back Hope! I missed you!

 

[Eleanor]

In the world of medical psychiatry, "safe" seems to mean hired guards, chainlink covering any open spaces, no sharps, no strings, and lots of prn calming medication.

"Safe" for who? Obviously the primary purpose of such places is to keep everyone else safe from the people in them. :(:cry: The focus is most obviously not on making it safe for the patients, except if it impacts the safety of the people running the show.

And perhaps those most damaged need to be the most in charge of what goes on for themselves, although clearly not others.

You know.... (geek alert...) in the 18th and 19th centuries people would go for "rest cures" - that often lasted for months. Among those whom I can name off the top of my head: William James, George Washington, Franklin Roosevelt... Those are just the ones I know....

 

[WildMermaid]

@Hope4Now it is so good to have you back! :hug: You were missed muchly much! Your experience sounds like an eerie cross between 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest', a little 'Girl Interrupted', and 'Orange is the New Black' as you mentioned :wideeyed:. Yours is an absolutely astounding story, and if you ever decide to go further with it could possibly help others know they are not alone, and also about the LACK of care you received as an inpatient. I agree with the others the vividness and visceral quality of your writing was enthralling. That you're using this situation to help others speaks of what a kind heart you have! <3 Nature always brings me back into my self as well. Maybe having a small bag, an empty cooler, a solar cell charger, bedding, and a pup tent in the back of your car would ease your mind? Thinking of you Hope and wishing you peace, glad you're home. :hug:

 

[Hope4Now]

Maybe having a small bag, an empty cooler, a solar cell charger, bedding, and a pup tent in the back of your car would ease your mind?

I LOVE this idea! Perhaps as I wait for admission to what will hopefully be a more helpful program for me, I will put together this kit in reality rather than just contemplating it. I actually made a list of what I would need a few years back.

I agree with the others the vividness and visceral quality of your writing was enthralling.

Really? I was just brain dumping. I'm rather stunned that people commented on the interest level. I have toyed with the idea of seeking a publisher for my journals. I know I cannot publish what I write here, but much of what I write here starts in my journals anyway.

You've given me a bit to focus on. Thank you.