The difference between being stuck in feelings and feeling feelings to let them pass?

[Movingforward10]

I get very confused about the two. How do you know which one you are doing?

 

[Sideways]

Time, with routine journaling. If the emotion is changing over time, it’s usually okay for me. It’s when I’m describing the exact same thing, every day, then days turn into weeks, that….

I found gratitude journalling can be helpful for me with emotions that are festering. Not because gratitude itself is particularly therapeutic (maybe it is - I’m dubious about that!) for me, but because it’s basically deliberately feeling something else. It’s a way of practicing mindfulness (awareness of the present) of my emotional state, but setting myself up to feel a particular emotion while I’m paying attention to it. That can be helpful creating a mindfulness about other emotions more generally, which tends to be helpful to me.

Even though it’s usually just a few brief moments, noticing when I’m having a moment where I’m feeling something else, other than that stuck emotion, can very often help get things moving emotionally for me. Not overnight, but definitely over the course of weeks.

 

[arfie]

the alanon study through which i approached this subject was, "how to look back without staring." yes, we need to remember the past, the good, the bad and the ugly, but am i glancing or am i staring?

 

[Freida]

I have the same questions....

the alanon study through which i approached this subject was, "how to look back without staring." yes, we need to remember the past, the good, the bad and the ugly, but am i glancing or am i staring?

I'm loving this!!!

 

[Movingforward10]

Time, with routine journaling. If the emotion is changing over time, it’s usually okay for me. It’s when I’m describing the exact same thing, every day, then days turn into weeks, that….

basically deliberately feeling something else. It’s a way of practicing mindfulness (awareness of the present) of my emotional state,

Even though it’s usually just a few brief moments, noticing when I’m having a moment where I’m feeling something else, other than that stuck emotion, can very often help get things moving emotionally for me. Not overnight, but definitely over the course of weeks.

Thanks @Sideways . These are helpful. I think I am doing these things. I suppose I need to build my patience....

but am i glancing or am i staring?

This is a really interesting concept.
Thanks @arfie

 

[Adobe]

I wish I could feel more. waiting for my feeling wheel to arrive then I am going to immerse myself in water coloring and printing my own. No,I am funny, and appear a normal person but do not feel and no one that knows me knows that. I am not a robot! My schnauzer knows I feel and he feels back.

 

[Adobe]

I have been thinking. Your feelings can be linked to your thoughts. If I work on my erroneous thinking, putting my thoughts by way of reason and understanding as pre eminent,wont’t my feelings gradually be given a subordinate place in my healing process. It is like this type of change can take time as I put things in context.. I am not talking mind over matter but can we change our thinking and change our feelings. My feelings are legitimate but maybe we give more power tofeelings than they deserve. Change your perceptions and criteria and your feelings will follow. I am not talking about legitimate grief or situations where it is an appropriate response. Your response to a divorce or any loss garners and warrants feelings. But a long the journey of those types of grief our minds do need to eventually show up by way of understanding. Grief does not necessarily go away…it becomes different for the sake of survival. This brings in the act of letting these feelings from traumatic events go. Now I understand trauma affects the neural pathways in our brain. But am I my feelings or are they the result of how we think about our trauma and ourselves. So much of my being down is due to letting my feelings lead my thinking and then I am stuck in a vortex. I catch myself all the time saying I feel we should do such and such. It would be better to say I think we should do such and so. This is where I make a Benjamin Franklin T. Then having looked at pros and cons make my decision. Just a question.

 

[Movingforward10]

I wish I could feel more. waiting for my feeling wheel to arrive then I am going to immerse myself in water coloring and printing my own. No,I am funny, and appear a normal person but do not feel and no one that knows me knows that. I am not a robot! My schnauzer knows I feel and he feels back.

I also was numb for a long long time. Which is what causes me confusion now as I haven't learnt how to process emotions. And not having them for so long, I think I need to feel them as I never did. But then that seems to result in being stuck in them. Or fighting them. Or who knows what. Like what do 'normal' people do who learnt all this in childhood? Idk.

Your feelings can be linked to your thoughts

Yeah, my T says that too.
Sometimes it's hard to know that though when the feelings pop up and there is seemingly no thought attached.

 

[whiteraven]

For me, being stuck in my feelings might last days or longer. But feeling them to let go of them, well...that happens pretty fast (well, you know...relatively speaking).

Doesn't mean they won't be back, but you start to see that they really are temporary, like everything else. This is what mindfulness taught me.

Change your perceptions and criteria and your feelings will follow.

Yeah, how and what we think really does have a direct effect on how we feel. I think part of the trick is learning the connection AND identifying the thoughts to begin with.

So much of my being down is due to letting my feelings lead my thinking and then I am stuck in a vortex.

Yep.

 

[Movingforward10]

Doesn't mean they won't be back, but you start to see that they really are temporary, like everything else. This is what mindfulness taught me.

Thanks @whiteraven . I need to learn this more.

Yeah, how and what we think really does have a direct effect on how we feel. I think part of the trick is learning the connection AND identifying the thoughts to begin with.

And I so so so struggle with this. It all gets overwhelming for me quickly and then I am lost in feelings and can't figure out the thoughts and who the hell knows. I got to work on this more.

 

[Adobe]

I think context and learning about our disorders help. Say I am lost in my past identity assuming feeling guilt and shame. I am not sure how it works for anyone else but me. It is not instantly but to use someone else’s word I reframe it. All the guilt and shame has to do with what I did yesterday. I cannot undo the hurt I did to myself or others. I am in a hole here. I have today. I am a WIP ,not where I want to be. What can I do right now that keeps me present in this day. I have got to get beyond going back all of the time. Then make yourself go for a walk, find a positive friend in your life. Watch an old funny sitcom, pet you friend animal. But the main thing is tell yourself the absolute truth. Not what your feelings are dictating. There is a time and place for shame and guilt. But once there the truth becomes the next step. Then make amends if you can. If you can’t then write a letter anyway and keep it for awhile till you are over the feelings and toss it. Mark the day on your calendar and revisit it when you are ruminating in the future There is an article on reframing on forum. This is a fictitious example but I am finding it helpful when lost in dysfunction.

 

[Freddyt]

I think a lot of getting "stuck in your feelings" is rumination. When that cycle starts you get stuck.

Letting them pass is feeling them and possibly questioning why you feel that way, and moving on.