The End Of My Career

[hodge]

I am not looking forward to therapy tomorrow. We're going to finish my treatment plan (paperwork for the clinic), then get to work on my work. I never dealt with it. It was not a PTSD-worthy trauma, but it does affect me badly. My last six months at my job before I was laid off, along with most other employees, I was being pushed to produce more and more and it was horrible. What made it even more horrible was that one of my best friends was dying of cancer at the time. One way I got through it was to drink every night, which was not good. My friend died about two weeks before my last day. She worked with us also, and everyone at the office knew we were close. The fact that no one offered to let me take a few days to go visit her still hurts. I didn't dare to ask, but they should have offered to let me go there. This career was my life and I was at the same company practically all my life, and so was she. When I started having PTSD symptoms in 2002, I didn't know what hit me. It took me four years to seek therapy to figure out what was wrong. I started using up all my vacation time and sick time to cover for the times I couldn't work. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't work full weeks, and it was really embarressing when the bookkeeper, bless her heart, would call to check on my hours. I did everything I was supposed to, but just couldn't work enough to get in my full hours.

Anyway, I am dreading this appointment. I dread talking about what I was going through, but I know I have to do it, and I will. I have a lot of nightmares about that part of my life, so I know it's sticking in my craw. Still, it's not going to be fun.

 

[SabrinaB]

Work-related stress has a huge impact upon our health, yet this topic receives little attention in the trauma literature. In my opinion the dynamics at play in the work setting can create complex PTSD symptoms in a manner similar to domestic abuse. A large chunk of our life is spent at work and the power differential creates great potential for harm.

This is a topic close to my heart and one I too am struggling to confront. Just writing this stirs up symptoms. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[hodge]

Thank you, SabrinaB. What you theorize makes sense to me. Our workplace was like a family. It was also a family business and most people stayed there for years and years, because the founder treated us well for many, many years. But a new owner came in, I got a new supervisor, times got tough for the company, and I guess I wasn't tough enough to stay beyond when I had to in order to get my severance even though they wanted to keep me on a freelance basis. I simply couldn't do it anymore. Still can't believe I have to say that, but it's true. I've worked so hard ever since I was 15.

I'm just recovering from therapy Wed. I only did half an hour but it was brutal and left me feeling incredibly sad but also numb and lost. I am so sorry you are going through something similar. My thoughts and prayers are with you also.