Undiagnosed The Guilt Is Consuming Me

[hodge]

I hope you resume individual therapy after your group is over and be honest in therapy. You really need to confront and deal with these issues, especially the animal abuse and the desire to keep bullying, for your own sake and for others'.

 

[onetwothreex]

I hope you resume individual therapy after your group is over and be honest in therapy. You really need to...

I know i still will need therapy.

BTW there is no more desire to bully. i am fully conscious of my actions now.

The desire to bully or anything like that disappeared almost 2 years ago. the moment i finally realised i had been doing things wrong for quite a while.

 

[onetwothreex]

Do you guys think i need to turn myself in?

Even tough it was years ago. and the dog died (naturally) more then a year ago.

This is considered animal abuse right?


Its just that, the consequences will be huge. first of all i would have to tell my wife about all this, i know for a fact she will divorce me if i told her about this. her whole family would be told i am a bad person.
I would lose my job i think (because if work for the gouvernement) as in i am in the military. no criminals are allowed there so...

Going to jail, or having too pay a fine would be less of a concern to me. atleast somehow i would have payed my debt then.


how do you guys feel about this?

Confess and tell my wife, and turn myself in?

Or keep this a secret for the rest in my life.


Or am i being over dramatic right now?

 

[joeylittle]

Or am i being over dramatic right now?

Get into individual counseling. Talk about these issues. You are only seeing the extreme options, and that is really common for people with many different mental health situations. I don't think you are helping yourself by sitting and stewing over this. If you truly want help, go and get it. That is the strongest piece of advice I (myself) can give you. I do wish you the best of luck.

 

[onetwothreex]

This morning i felt bad again. woke up with awfull flashbacks of what i did etc.

I went to lay on bed for a moment because i did not wanted my wife to see my pain.

Suddenly she entered the room while i was crying my eyes out. she asked me what was wrong, and i just could not keep it from her anymore.

I told her i felt extremely guilty and regretfull for having bullied our dog into extreme's sometime. I did not go into more details, just that i bullied into extreme's sometimes.


She told me that she knew i am a changed person right now, and she knows i would never do such things again. she felt and could see my pain. I cried like a little kid. i litterly broke down.

i also told her i almost hung myself yesterday.


Right now i do have to say that i feel a bit relieved. my wife not leaving me, she did not even Judge me for this.


I am not feeling good yet, but i guess i made some steps here right?

 

[selfcompassion]

Wow, are you in a pit of pain right now. Forgive yourself, give yourself the compassion you don't even feel you deserve..do it anyways. My abusive ex would take a closed fist to our dog and kick her. He killed six Ferrell kittens stating it was too many, when the predators in the area would kept their numbers down naturally. You have gone through some changes. You don't present like my ex on the animal issue. That being said, shame is a very powerful emotion, as you and your suicide attempt are very aware. You have to address this in therapy. I've done group and therapy at the same time, they actually can insane each other. Plus you would be doing your wife a huge favor. You have been through so much, come so far, you can do this too. Sooo, crop now I just realized I have to take my own advice as well. Thanks buddy, I just had a pivotal moment, and now I'm crying like a baby. Self compassion ..try it