Relationship The Hardest Thing I Have Had To Do

[JohnnyM53]

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you Frankie to hang in, be patient, hope that he will come around, and be the man you knew before the incident at your place with your ex.

You have obviously done all you can and showed him love, consideration and compassion and given him much space.

You've decided to do a very difficult thing - to let go of him and of the hope that he will return as the man you once knew. You've decided it is time to move on with your life. I'm sure it wasn't an easy choice to make, but it was, as you say, the healthy one.

He now needs to decide what he will do with his life.

Time will tell where your decision will lead.

But you did what you felt you had to do, in your own time.

You've shown what a beautiful, loving and caring lady you are, and those of us who chat with you know that you are like this. You did all you could, and I applaud you for your perseverance.

Thanks for sharing this thread. It must have been difficult to press the "Post" button when all was finally written.

"Let go of love. If it returns, it was always yours. If it doesn't, it never was.", source unknown.

Your friend,

Johnny

 

[amethist]

Hi Frankie

Thank you for sharing this with us all here.

This really is one of those times when you have to do what is best for you.

I hope others who are in a similar situation will read this and have the strength and confidence to do the same as you, if that is what they have to do.

The saying "I love you which is why I am letting you go " comes to mind.

Good luck in all you do from now on, walk into the future with the knowledge that you did all you did for all the right reasons.

Amethist

 

[cynelena]

Your thread title said it all. What you did was something both brave and admirable. It took real courage to share your story with all of us and even more strength to break the cycle. It is never easy to walk away from a loved one regardless of the reasons.

There are days to come that will still be hard to cope with and that you will certainly second guess your decision, but ultimately you have to remind yourself that what you did was for you and YOU matter.

I am proud of you Frankie. Keep your head up and be sure to reach out to your friends...new ones included:Hug_emoticon:. We are here for you!

Cynthia

 

[Learning123]

A relationship is a give and take...a commitment on both parts. A want to be the "best you can be" for the other.

Love is never enough...it takes much more then that....and as a close friend here has told me "he might love you..but he has to back it". It is not enough to say "I love you".Frankie

Thank you for those words Frankie, until recently I didn't really look at it like that, but it's so spot on. I think what you did was really brave and like you said, you had to do it for you and I applaud that, it's inspiring, thank you.

 

[Frankie]

I find myself still coming here, from time to time....there is still a need in me to read what I wrote, it gives me strength and, if at the beginning I kept on thinking I made a mistake...I now know I did the right thing, for me.

Did I forget him ? No, I didn't, I still think of him and wish that things had a different outcome. ..Is losing him becoming easier to deal with ? Yes, time does heal all wounds. Do I still love him ? Yes, but mostly I love what we had and what we could have had.

Even though I had told him not to contact me anymore...he still continued to do so and I now realize that the only times he does contact me is when he feels down, is lonely, or when things are not going good for him, that is not what I want from him. ...Yes, he still says he loves me and misses me but that is not enough. To be truthful, he is with someone else, has been for the past year...and still, he contacts me. That is not what I want in my man. I will not be his "once in a while" woman. I won't, I deserve much more !!

My update ? Thanks for the support of some very dear friends...and with the passing of time...I am doing much better, It was hard, so very hard...but I am moving on. I couldn't always wait for him to come around every few months and then leave. Enough was enough for me.

The advice I will give any other carers going through a similar situation as I have.....if after trying so hard to make things work....if you have given it your all, and it still doesn't work....don't feel guilty for wanting to move on...don't feel guilty for wanting more, for wanting what you deserve to have..a partner that loves you and is committed to make the relationship work as much as you do. You don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship....love should not hurt.

Reading all the feedback I have received on this thread, helped me immensely and still does, thank-you !

 

[ISupportHer]

Look who posted!

Nice to see you around Frankie!

((((HUGS))))

 

[Nicolette]

Great that you dropped in Frankie - nice to hear from you.

 

[amethist]

Great to here from you again Frankie.

This thread does help some make decisions they have been struggling with. Reading how you came to your own decision and why, along with your all your up dates.

((((((HUGS)))))))

Amethist

 

[May1321]

Frankie... brought here by another post. I just want to say Thank You. I've been very angry and hurt and it may have been just the beginning to an end when I met my sufferer most recently came into my life. My heart is also full of forgiveness. I want to believe that he truly is sick but agreed that it has to be up to him. We all have to take responsibility for who we are and want to be, and that's where the support comes in. It's hard to support someone who in turn treats you like your invisible except for when they need something from you. So thank you. I will keep your story close to heart as I too move on...

Love is never enough...it takes much more then that....and as a close friend here has told me "he might love you..but he has to back it". It is not enough to say "I love you".

 

[Frankie]

Thank-you to all that have commented, and I am glad that my words can be helpful to others going through a similar situation with their loved one :)

 

[Frankie]

My last updated was in January, I have been reading other threads here about them (PTSD sufferers) saying they would come back, they need time and space, they still think uf us...etc...and it is really and truly a PTSD trait, the confusion in their minds, the loving us and hating us, the trying something else...trying to find themselves...etc...

I thought the last I would ever hear from him was last February....yes he contacted me again...and at this point we just talked and he still wanted to see me again...I stalled and we talked about everything else but that....this went on for about 2 weeks, on and off.... i asked if he was still with his girfriend and yes, he was....so I asked him "Why do you want to see me ???" he only replied "I have to, I need to". I didn't see him.

Of course my aggravation towards this was "why did I go along with the contact?" I was mad at ME !!! I just when I was getting better again....just when I was moving on once more, he makes himself heard again.....and then silence again for 7 monhts and this time I thought and believed he wouldn't contact me anymore !! I was wrong, last month he contacted me through Facebook wanting to see me. I again asked him "Are you with your girlfriend?" his reply was "yes" ....I went down again, all emotions, feelings and pain came back in full force !! Did I want to see him ? Of course I did.....Did I see him ? NO, I just replied to him that seeing him wouldn't do us any good...he is with someone else and I wouldn't become "the other woman". His reply to this was "I am sorry, I won't bother you anymore" .

Was it hard to let go ? Of course it was, deep down I still have feelings for this man...but I have feelings for myself too...I knew that seeing him would only hurt me more, and I didn't want to go that road again. I am sure he was shocked to hear I didn't want to see him anymore...I think he truly believes that I would be there for him, whenever he chose to contact me. But the game is over...I won't play anymore.

I truly hope this is the end of my journey with this man, a man I have loved more then anything and anyone, but also a man that I can't be happy with anymore and couldn't trust anymore. I know I would get hurt over and over again. I truly did give it my all and he knows it. But I am giving my all to ME now....and to whoever new will come my way :)

What I have always said and will always say it "I don't regret anything" What we had was special...but no longer is...I am stronger and more compassionate because of having known him. And I am ok again :)

 

[maddog]

Frankie, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I stumbled on this thread quite by chance this morning, having only been around on the forum for a month or so and so never having known you or your story. I have no words really, you found them all yourself and painted the truest and most humbling picture of the highs, the lows, the sacrifices and the meaning of all that you went through. I am a sufferer, and I have no partner and may never have one, but I will long remember your experience. Thank you... this made me cry.

Maddog