...is not a train! Trust me!
Growing up my life was chaos with one traumatic experience after another. I didn’t have any guidance and no one to turn to. I hoped it would get better as soon as I could move out and start my own life. It didn’t. It got even worse because PTSD and depression were the reason I failed everything I tried. All I wanted to do was to off myself and I knew the world would be better off without me because I felt worthless, ugly, dumb and was ashamed to be alive… The only reason I didn’t do it was my dog.
Over the past 10 years I worked so hard to turn my life around and give it one last shot. And I started to feel a little better. Still, I wasn’t living a life I would wish anyone but at least I didn’t think about how to kill myself every single day.
I started to fight for what I wanted even though I still knew I didn’t deserve any of it… I was able go back to school at 27. I got my university entrance qualification and my studies is something I would love to do for the rest of my life. For me it’s only one of so many things that is worth living for. For the first time in my life I feel like I belong and there is something I want and can do with my life and I’m getting really good at it too and also feel like I deserve it. Except for my dog I never felt this passionate about something before.
Some days are still tough and getting out of bed and sitting on my couch staring at the wall all day is all I’m able to do but there is hope. It is possible to get better, to feel better, to have a life and being able to enjoy it. So please fight for what you want and need and never give up! You are worth it and you are needed! Every single one of you guys!
It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many times you already failed or where you come from. Get up and make a run at it and it will get better! You will maybe stumble like I did and it’s still f*cking hard but I am so glad I’m still alive because life is so amazing and there are so many things that are worth living for.
Take good care of yourself, be nice to yourself, treat yourself like you would treat your best friends and loved ones because you deserve it!
:hug:
Growing up my life was chaos with one traumatic experience after another. I didn’t have any guidance and no one to turn to. I hoped it would get better as soon as I could move out and start my own life. It didn’t. It got even worse because PTSD and depression were the reason I failed everything I tried. All I wanted to do was to off myself and I knew the world would be better off without me because I felt worthless, ugly, dumb and was ashamed to be alive… The only reason I didn’t do it was my dog.
Over the past 10 years I worked so hard to turn my life around and give it one last shot. And I started to feel a little better. Still, I wasn’t living a life I would wish anyone but at least I didn’t think about how to kill myself every single day.
I started to fight for what I wanted even though I still knew I didn’t deserve any of it… I was able go back to school at 27. I got my university entrance qualification and my studies is something I would love to do for the rest of my life. For me it’s only one of so many things that is worth living for. For the first time in my life I feel like I belong and there is something I want and can do with my life and I’m getting really good at it too and also feel like I deserve it. Except for my dog I never felt this passionate about something before.
Some days are still tough and getting out of bed and sitting on my couch staring at the wall all day is all I’m able to do but there is hope. It is possible to get better, to feel better, to have a life and being able to enjoy it. So please fight for what you want and need and never give up! You are worth it and you are needed! Every single one of you guys!
It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many times you already failed or where you come from. Get up and make a run at it and it will get better! You will maybe stumble like I did and it’s still f*cking hard but I am so glad I’m still alive because life is so amazing and there are so many things that are worth living for.
Take good care of yourself, be nice to yourself, treat yourself like you would treat your best friends and loved ones because you deserve it!
:hug:
