The Loss Of Memory Almost Brought Me Back Rather Than Forward

[risingsun]

I just drove to a therapy apt. today hoping that "this was the one," the one that could help me. As I drove in front of the office, I realized that the place was familiar. I called my insurance company and asked the rep to go into my history some years back to see if I saw this provider.

It turns out I had seen her for over half a year. I have no memory of the name (first nor last) nor do I remember her pic on the internet. I remember that this provider had no understanding of trauma though.

Is this a bad sign, that I was "going back" rather than going forward? I don't know. Maybe its meant for me to walk this alone. It bothers me so much that I have no memory of this person. It was about year after the trauma. I do have missing and fragmented pieces of the last 11 years of my life. At least I didn't go in nor give her my full name. Memory. A funny thing.

There seems to be no one close to where I live that can help me. My deepest prayer is that I can get through this time on my own, knowing that a higher power will be guiding me anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please don't take this as a "sign" that you're meant to heal on your own. I think you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice.

 

[scout86]

My deepest prayer is that I can get through this time on my own, knowing that a higher power will be guiding me anyway.

I once told a good friend of mine that if God had intended that, he wouldn't have invented therapists.

What prompted you to contact this person now? Because maybe you have good reasons to be optimistic. (Maybe not too.) If you were in such a state that your memory of that time is fragmented, and you really don't remember this person, maybe your ability to benefit from her at the time was compromised and things would be different now. Maybe not, too.

The reason I suggest that maybe things would be different now is that there are a lot of things that my T has mentioned that went right past me the first time he mentioned them. He'll often bring the conversation back around and the second time, (or the 3rd, or the 4th...) I get it. It's not him, it's me.

I have to agree with @Solara . This is something that's nearly impossible to deal with on your own. The condition itself messes with your ability to be objective, for one thing. There must be some kind of option out there.