The Notes I'll Never Send

[oneandonlyMOM]

I wrote a letter to my abuser. It's not in the mail or anything-never will be. It took alot of strength and energy to stand up for myself. I was glad to finally put thoughts to paper. Hopefully, I will want to share the notes here in the future.

 

[Kaii]

I've done that before too. Usually my therapists gets me to read them to her so that I feel validated in some sense. I find it has been beneficial. Sometimes I rip them up and throw them out but most of the time I save them. I've written them to the bastard that murdered Sarah, the guy who attacked me when I was 18 and my mother.
I hope you find it therapeutic.

 

[NIKI]

Ya, I wrote a letter to my father some years back. Listing a lot of the things my parents did to me as a child (just incase he was to drunk to remember what he did). I sent it. I never hear a word about the letter although I know he did receive it and read it. (brother told me he did) No validation there which is probably what I was looking for. So, if I write another letter I'll just do it for myself. Read it and then watch it burn.

OneandonlyMOM, I'm glad writing it out made you feel better.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I wrote a letter to my abusive narcissistic sister about a decade ago. Not to send it, just to vent.

My hubby, sick of watching me get mistreated over and over again, put it in an envelope and sent it!I was mad, but it was speaking honestly about my feelings about our relationship and her behaviors which were hurtful. I didn't hear from her for a long, long time...and I was glad. It gave us both time to get help.

We're not close, but we see each other once or twice a year. She's never mentioned the letter and I feel no obligation to express any remorse. She has stopped doing several of the things she used to do, but she's also done others which were far worse.
It was worth it.

 

[oneandonlyMOM]

I think I am venting too. Sometimes it scares me to say how much I hate my abuser. Or how sick my rapist was. These two are both monsters in different ways, but even in therapy I allow myself to feel guilty in part. Whyy???? So when I write it down, it is pure emotion, and no self doubt. That is much better for me! And I often wonder what would happen if I did just send it off... it's only the truth, right!?!?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I did learn that none of us kids were traumatized in exactly the same way in each trauma. Since we each only have bits of accessible memories for each situation, and our 'bits' aren't usually the same 'bits'...truth is relative. So I have stopped trying to steal their 'truth' because it is true for them. Even when it isn't true for me.

But I'm entitled to my experience of things and that is as valid to me as my truth, and nobody deserves to stomp on my traumatic experiences and tell me different. Even if not accurate, I still need healing for what I experienced as I experienced it.