The Past And Its Place

[dutchiedelta]

My son has two half-brothers from his dad's side.
He re-married after we broke up.
The eldest of that marriage and I usually got along good whenever I was in the country.
The boy and me stayed in contact where the contact between ex and my son was never good.

That boy is a young man now and he's in the army.
We whatsapp eachother a bit more now the war has re-kindled there.

Yesterday he asked for the home phonenr again.
To ask afterwards if it was okay if his dad called?
Erm... not sure about that but I didn't want to put that young man in the middle of our past.

Ex's timing is lousy to say the least.
We met while I was in the army there. When war broke out he was called in as reservist while I had signed up for another two years and was in the middle of things. He was in for three months and tanned himself on the beach while I was in combat area.
With the war as active as it is now I'm flooded with memories.
He represents the time there. A bit unfair perhaps cos I've always stayed in contact with my ex MIL and other relatives of his.
They don't trigger me so bad but he does.

His mother is not well but he is not in contact with any of his family.
I call them nearly every friday when the family gathers.
He's not there and hasn't been for years.

Not sure what he wants but he'll call somewhere this week.
Some things of the past ought to stay there.
This is one of them.

 

[Raven]

He may just want to talk about your son, or something innocent like that. If he starts talking about the war, then you have every right to change the subject, and ask him not to broach that.

 

[dutchiedelta]

It'd be a pleasant surprise if he did ask after his son Raven.
He is not a bad bloke. Just a lousy father. Not a bad person.
I have in the back of my head he might try to come here if the current war goes on.
That is not going to happen.

 

[Friday]

Yeah. The world is a huge place. Too close hurts. Go stake your crazy elsewhere, this where is mine. I'm a wee bit territorial though, especially for someone as nomadic as I am. Basically, if I have to think about you, you're in my space. Some people I can sit next to and be fine, others and the whole damn continent isn't big enough for the both of us to be sharing air.

 

[dutchiedelta]

You can knock me over with a feather. The ***** is in Amsterdam with their youngest.
On a little holiday before the youngest joins the army.
Asking when he can see his son and me.

Newsflash sir. Your eldest has had enough hardship from you and does not want to see you.
He is in fact away for a couple of days until sunday late evening.

Now what makes my blood boil is that against my son's wishes I rang his father when son started uni.
His dad never contributed in any way. No alimony, no contact and I never asked for it cos it'd be a long drawn out battle.
The ex replied he couldn't contribute to anything towards the uni for his eldest. Cos he had a hard time and would fly to Paris for the Bar Mitswa of the nice kid I always stayed in contact with.
I went cold as ice there. It's a few years back but I remember asking him how he could afford to take the whole family to Paris for that and had never spent a penny on his eldest.
That was the last time we spoke up until now.

Hey you know what, you POS. My son is a fantastic human being. He grew up with all the favors against him and came out on top.
Fought like a tiger to make something of his life.
He is loved by many cos of his wonderful personality and looks like a million bucks with his big brown gentle eyes.
So f*ck you and your trips to Paris and Amsterdam and all over, without a thought to someone you deserted.

This was the last I expected. "I'm in Amsterdam with the youngest and would like to see my son".
Sure, where have you been the last 25 years then?

If my son would want to see him I'd drive him over here and now. He wrote his dad off as a lost cause ages ago while I was still trying for them to be in contact.

 

[Raven]

Better late than never, I guess? You should let your son know that his father was trying to touch base with him. He can do with that information whatever he pleases. It's not too late for a relationship to be kindled, if both parties want it.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Of course I'll let him now his father is here and wants to see him. He might be back late this evening and will drive off tomorrow for three days.
So no clue when any meet would have to be.
We're at an age where you begin to wonder if everything you did was the right thing to do.
He might have regrets but knowing him I'm not holding my breath.

He had the cheek to ask if we were coming over tonight to Amsterdam. Mate, it's getting late already so no.
If he had taken a train and offered to come overhere it'd have been a step in the right direction.
I'm bricking it cos son made it clear he might shoot him as the spot if he ever sees him again.
Still, I have to tell him this.

And my son will be angry with me, from bringing this up right before a weekend he and his friends have been looking towards for, for over a year.
Oh well, suck it up as usual. There are worst things.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Some people never change. It's okay, we manage.
Strange to think that maybe people will do the right thing for a chance.

I asked the ex to stick around till monday so son would (a bit reluctantly) go to meet him in Amsterdam.
The answer goes down in history as a classic: No, by then we've seen enough of the country and we'll be going back to Paris.
Can't you wait another day? Nah, we're doing sightseeing and a few days is enough.

Stupid me. He never asked to see his son cos he wanted to. It was just cos he was in the country and thought I might hear about it from others.
His loss, son is a fantastic guy anyone would be proud of to be his dad.
I finally accept what mutual friends and family have been saying for years. Ex never grew up and it's not my PTSD that drove him away.
In truth, I feel sorry for him. There is no more room for hate or spite.