Therapist controlling sessions?

[featherless.wings]

I'm pretty new to this, and was wondering how much the T is supposed to control the sessions? She doesn't seem to let me decide what's important or what to focus on. Is this normal? She brought something up, I said it wasn't important and not to bother, she insisted on talking about it anyway. Should I roll with it or protest? From past experience, I get terribly anxious when people try to control me, and I feel like she's just doing more of the same. I'm not sure what to do.

She also insists on talking about my childhood (granted it wasn't normal) instead of the other trauma. Says she thinks most of my problem stems from childhood and therefore wants to focus on that. Can she possibly tell after only a few sessions? And if so, do I talk about what she thinks I should talk about?

 

[Crow]

I think different approaches call for different levels of guidance. My T lets me determine where we go. Every now and then she'll say specifically we need to work on something or she'll challenge me when I try to change topics. And it took about 8 years to start talking about childhood trauma and then another several to talk in details.

Is this therapist trauma trained? I'd suggest you looking for someone who does Somatic Experiencing therapy. Sounds like you'd probably fit really well with that modality.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @featherless.wings... I think it's a bit of give and take with a therapist. Your bearing your most vulnerable self.... So it's hard to expose that. I've always found that if I'm not happy with something I will mention it to my therapist, if you don't feel confident doing that I've written it down before and gave her the letter. Therapy is difficult, it brings up loads of stuff.. And it can be extremely difficult and exhausting but it's worth it... You should be really proud of yourself... You're trying to process what happened. I'm sorry it's never easy.. Take care

 

[Eliza]

Hi,

I had the exact same trouble with a counsellor. He was so focused on talking about my childhood and trying to blame my mother for my anxiety (my mother has been nothing but supportive), that in 12 sessions we never actually dealt with the trauma. I used to leave every session feeling furious. I am now in CBT with a great therapist who allows me to talk about what it is that's actually bothering me and we are finally dealing with the trauma.

If you're not happy with your therapist, you could speak to her and say there are other things you would like to focus on, or ask to change to a different therapist - you are well within your rights to do either.

 

[EveHarrington]

A therapist should never force you to talk about something-----well, for the most part, anyway.

I think you should guide the sessions. A therapist should also be able to voice her concerns about potential problem areas, but also be willing to let it go if the client isn't ready to talk about it.

 

[Sandstone]

I'm quite envious of you. It sounds as if your T has a grasp of what is important and is focussing on it. I'd welcome that from mine. It might be that she thinks you aren't yet ready to work on the other trauma in your life. So long as you have explained at least in outline what that trauma consists of, I'd try trusting her priorities for a while and see where it takes you.

You can maintain control while doing that, by explaining to her that this is what you are choosing to do.

 

[bento]

I'd follow your intuition. Therapists are like any other service provider, there are good
ones and bad ones. There is also the other issue with "fit", meaning how the therapist's
style meshes with yours.

That said a lot of therapists like to dig around in people's childhoods because a lot of
trauma originates there . But then again not everything does, and it can end up being a kind
of cookie cutter approach to always search for something traumatic in childhood.

I've experience what some might consider very traumatic events, that didn't feel traumatic
to me. Overwhelming maybe, but not something I felt I needed to address. My therapist
(the one I've stuck with) trusted my lead on that, and I really appreciate that she did that.
After I worked with her for awhile I built up enough trust with her insight and intuition that
she would sometimes take the lead and steer things. And that worked too. But only
after I had gotten to know her well enough and vice versa.