Therapist Ditched Me.

[DharmaGirl]

I have been with my therapist for over two years. I have attachment issues as well as PTSD from complex trauma. I get very upset when I miss a session. If he's sick and the secretary calls to let me know, I don't care so much but when traffic is so bad I can't get there or they don't put my appointments in the computer, I feel bereft and abandoned.

I have been feeling pretty ambivalent about him. I have come a long way from the person I used to be but I still react to stressors and if they are coming one on top of the other I usually freak. He has told me that I might want to start coming in once a week. I am very upset about this. I can be so calm in the therapy room but not in real life. I did tell him I wanted to skip my Christmas Eve appointment since it would probably take me 2-3 hours to get home. He said he didn't think that was wise, and we could have a phone session.

So Christmas Eve morning I'm wrapping presents, baking, and doing last minute things and my scheduled time comes and no phone call. I wait a half hour and send him an email...no response. I wait another half hour and email him that I must have misunderstood.

2 1/2 hours later he calls and I don't get to the phone on time. He leaves a message about it being his bad, he had an emergency come in, and he couldn't get to the phone to call me like he wanted to. I'm kind of stunned. Like he wanted to? We had a f*cking appointment. Then he sends me an email saying the same thing. He works in a pain group so there are about 6 people up front doing secretary things, 4 physical therapists, 2 occupational therapists, 2 doctors, a nurse, all working on the first floor. He couldn't get ahold of one of these people and ask them to call me?

I know I over-react a lot but he sounds like he's lying on the phone with a lot of Ums and Ahhs. He called again while I was in the jacuzzi so I missed it, I just don't think he had a client emergency. It sounded too - he, he, you caught me. Christmas is a huge trigger for many of us, and then to no show on my appointment just destroyed me. I know he called 2 1/2 hours later but I don't believe his excuse. I really think he forgot. I'm really just venting here. I'm upset and I don't want to hear from my family and friends how I'm overreacting. You guys can say it because you really know.

 

[Leah123]

You are not overreacting. I am so sorry he blew it. If you think he sounds nervous/dishonest, well, I think you have every right to tell him so. I'd trust your intuition. It certainly is "his bad" but him saying so is an unprofessional way of explaining what sounds like an unprofessional lapse. There is room for therapists to blow it and then make it right, though, so... I will hope that this rupture will heal and you'll get what you need to feel better. Sorry. :( Will send a hug if you want one- that type of thing, if it happened to me, I'd be so hurt and upset too.

 

[franciemarnie]

If he had been consistently dependable before this and this was the first time he messed up and you'd made great progress with him, Id give him another chance maybe but in the end, I too trust your gut instinct.

But I gotta say - of all the times to eff up - Christmas?? That's bad. No matter the emergency, I'd find a way to let you know not to wait.

I am sorry this happened.

 

[Abstract]

Really sorry this happened. :( Leah said it very well.

What I would probably do is wait until I felt calmer and then see if I still felt that he was evading next time I spoke to him. I do think you can trust your instincts if you give yourself a little time to process this.

What you do about it is another thing entirely. As fransiemarnie and Leah said it is possible for them to mess up badly and still mend the rupture. For now you can just vent!

I will add that it is possible that he was unable to get to phone to contact anyone. Including his staff. Or a family member may have died and he just forgot. Christmas puts enormous strain on everyone and he may just have messed up without good reason but feel it would be worse for you to know that.

It's important to keep reminding yourself that this is unlikely to have anything to do with how he feels about you though. Thats when it gets unhelpful. He was the one pushing for the appointment when you didn't want it. If he didn't care he wouldn't have done that. Under the hurt and frustration you know that he does care.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Hey Monstery.

I must admit, my therapist and I play phone tag a lot. Sometimes she doesn't get back to me until the next day after I text or call her. I just look at this way, our therapists, in a way, are a bit like us.

They have their own shit going on like we do, that no one else may know about....so if they say they'll call or text, and don't, I'm not disappointed because I'm expecting that something will come up. When she DOES call, it's a pleasant surprise, because I knew she eventually would, but just didn't know when.

It does suck when you feel as though they are rigidly reliable, and then let you down in a very stressful time of the year. If you feel as though you picked up something off him, it might be because he knows that his failure to get in touch as promised would have this effect on you, and he feels bad.

No self respecting therapist likes it when their actions cause a undesired and negative response in their patient. After all, it's their job to fix that, not create it. I hope you feel a little better after talking with us and getting this off your chest.

xo

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What if it was a bad emergency? Maybe your therapist was so wrapped up with helping another client that he completely forgot to call you. He feels bad because he told you that he would call and he didn't, not because he is lying or anything dishonest.

At the end of the day, therapists aren't perfect. They are human, too.

 

[Dee Morris]

I wouldn't dismiss that hey may have REALLY had an emergency. Usually my instincts are right on but I do tend to make mistakes in my perception of others honesty. I'll give you an example.

A couple of months ago I got to my monthly psychiatrist appointment and instead of seeing my Dr, I saw his NP. She could tell that I was confused and explained that they had tried to notify me about the fill in to give me the option of rescheduling. I was already upset at seeing her instead of him. Not because there is anything wrong with her, it's just that I had never met her therefore didn't trust her.

I had been struggling and really needed relief. Then the more I thought about it I just got pissed because I felt like she had lied to me about trying to contact me. This is a fairly new Dr and had only been seeing him a few months. So I "knew" my phone number was correct.

My next appointment my Dr apologized and double checked the phone number with me. Turns out, I had written down the wrong prefix. Not exactly the same circumstance but my point is that I knew in my gut that she had lied to me when really it was just an error in my judgement.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yep, you all are right, it probably was an emergency and I know he has my best interests at heart. My inner 4 year old just reacts. I knew I would get good insight into it by posting here, thank you to all who posted. I have been through several rough times with my therapist, this is just one more. The fact that he left 2 voicemails and an email shows he cares. Thanks everyone, I feel much better and I think I have a better perspective now.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Hugs Monstery. You'll be ok, we're all allowed to have tanty's every now and then!

 

[Abstract]

My inner 4 year old

Hugs to your inner four year old if she wants one.

Agree with the others that in the moment my intuition can be messed up by fears etc. Agree to it could easily have been a real emergency and the nervous tone of his voice could be guilt for making you upset and fear of your reaction! :)

2 voicemails and an email shows he cares

There we go. And it would be very unlikely to have had anything to do with him not caring anyway.

Good thing for you as you are very grown up and self aware with the way you deal with the ruptures these days. :tup: