Therapy Tomorrow :/

[sarahts]

So i have been seing my therapist for 8 weeks now and have 1 hourly sessions each week. She commented on how ''calm'' i am talking about my rape experiance , (inside im a screaming wreck) , Were trying to get in touch with my emotions again. I havent cried about what happend to me since the court case , i dont know why , i just cant seem to , When i am in therapy i can feel myself on the edge of tears but something in me pulls me back and stoppes them. I am really embarrasd to cry in front of her , i dont know why , i worry ill just be sat there in aquard silence while she stares at me or something :/ , part of me wants so badly to let these emotions out but for some reasons when it comes to it in therapy i feel like an idiot! , anyone had this before ? ? ? ? , Sarah

 

[anthony]

Took me a while to open up in therapy... its really about you just have to really put your trust in the process and let go of control. That's what it is... we are constantly trying to control ourselves, but in therapy, its the one place we can just let it out and be completely open and honest, as it all stops their.

 

[sarahts]

Thank you :) , i shall try to let go tomorrow , sarah

 

[anthony]

That's all you can do Sarah... do your best to just let go... it is against nearly everything our brain tells us to be, which is vulnerable. But vulnerable is ok with say, your family, partner, therapist, etc... there are times when we can be vulnerable providing we trust the person to that level in order to not exploit our vulnerability.

 

[Nyx]

On the other side, if you don't let her see everyting, she can't help you.
I tried that with my T, but she just stopped the BS and told me that I'm wasting my time if I think I can go in and act like nothing's going on on the inside. I know it's difficult to let go and accept the fact that you can't control everything, but the fact is you can't. And what better testimony is there than the fact that we got to this point? Keeping emotions inside does not make us powerful, it only takes us to the point where we stop talking to ourselves and stop understanding ourselves. On the other hand, reaching out and asking for help does not make us weak. It's just a matter of seeing things from another perspective. A perspective we don't have orselves because we're in our heads.
Hope this makes sense.

Hope you get through therapy okay tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

 

[Lucycat]

I remember one of my early therapy sessions was I was feeling reasonably OK. I said to my T.' I'm fine now, I'm over it' meaning, I suppose 'I don't think I need you now, I am wasting your time'. He just accepted it then said, OK tell me about the abuse and I just cracked, burst into tears. ' See, you are NOT OK' he said, and I later realised that he wasn't being mean or nasty but was making me get in touch with the emotions I was trying to deny. Yes I felt rotten and embarrased with the rest of the session with tears pouring down my face, but he was absolutely right to do it. I didn't actually tell him any details of the abuse, but we dealt instead with learning to 'feel' what was going on inside my head.

On the other hand when he tried to make me express anger... well that's another story, and it is still locked inside. I am not ready to let that out yet :mad:

 

[Nyx]

Going a little off topic here just to say... Brucielucy, take good care of you when that moment comes. Anger is a very powerful force and is really dangerous when we direct it at ourselves. I wish you best of luck with learning to feel you feelings, as I do to you, sarah.