Cocsa perpetrator & CSA survivor - Should I seek therapy?

[Ocean1918]

Does anyone have any advice on to what I can do from feeling guilt as a victim and perpetrator of cocsa should I seek therapy I have also suffered sexual abuse from my sisters boyfriend but I have been to court and got therapy on that but never my cocsa abuser and talking about being a perpetrator, does anyone have some advice if the person I hurt confronts me? I always thought explaining to them what I've been through would explain why I did that to them as a kid but that seems selfish. I think am falling into depression again.

 

[Mach123]

My advice is to try and find a trauma therapist who has experience with CSA. This is what happens. It’s awful and I sat with her for at least two years having her basically say to me over and over it wasn’t my fault. I don’t expect to be able to explain this to anyone else but I had to accept it for myself . I have to a greater or lesser degree . I don’t think by myself I ever could have . This behavior is documented in the literature and you could try Judith Herman’s book trauma and recovery. It didn’t start with me. Someone showed me. You don’t know when you’re a child . I know how hard it is . You spoke up. Even online it’s a major achievement. It’s hard even to respond to these and it took me many years. I don’t know how many therapists I went through before I was able to get all of it out . This is how it is though . I’m old now . It was all a very long time ago. I understand though this is what happens when little kids get exposed to sex and why they need to be sheltered from it till they are hopefully mature enough emotionally. There are lots of posts here about it . You aren’t alone.