Therapy Was A Bust

[EveHarrington]

So……

I was apparently placed with a trauma therapist and not an OCD therapist as I had requested. I called the main office number to express my concern as the therapist did nothing but try to dig into my trauma for 3 sessions and gave me no real skills to help me cope with my obsessions. The woman who answered the phone was concerned and put me into the directors voicemail as it appeared that they messed up in my transfer from one therapist to another. I was told that usually only one transfer was allowed, but since it was their error that an exception could possibly be made. Unfortunately the woman I spoke to couldn’t access my file to see if there was a note about wanting to be transferred to an OCD therapist. I told her that was my entire reasoning in wanting to switch as the woman I was seeing before was just giving me bad advice.

I waited TWO MONTHS between making the appointment and finally seeing the new therapist. Almost every day I had to tell myself that I could just hold on a little bit longer as I’d soon be seeing a therapist who would give me skills to help me cope. But no…..all she did was tell me to face my thoughts at the beginning of the day, and then in session 3 I was told that I needed to get involved in activities to help me cope. OH, PLEASE. This is the same shit the last therapist told me and it DOES NOT WORK.

And yes, I was VERY CLEAR about telling this new therapist about how I needed to learn skills to help me cope with my obsessive thoughts. I’m hella pissed that I was doing everything right in seeking help and it ended up like this.

Oh and she keeps steering me towards learning about Pete Walker and CPTSD. I’ve already read much of his stuff. I mentioned Judith Herman……you know, the woman who actually coined the term CPTSD…..and I told her I’d read the book and I knew all about her 3 part treatment model……cue her blank stare and my internal laughter. Please don’t tell me you know shit about CPTSD if you aren’t familiar with Judith or her work. I seriously was thinking “are you for real?!” But seriously, it’s just another great woman’s work ignored and shoved to the side. Sigh.

My mom is like “get out. NOW.” She’s reading up on OCD and she has read how talk therapy is actually bad for people with OCD. Yeah, well, it serves to reinforce negative neural pathways in the brain, the EXACT thing that is bad for people like me.

I don’t have another appointment for another month. I’m back to thinking “ah shit, hospitalization is on the horizon” which is a step back from “just hold on, you are getting help.”

Maybe I need to find an OCD forum. Idk. I am on the Reddit OCD sub but it’s 99% useless as there are SO MANY posts that many never get a reply, including all of mine. It sucks how Reddit killed many other sites (RIP psych central, it’s so dead now.)

I’m going to try and buy self help books off Amazon because it’s the only thing I’ve got right now. I’ll try looking for sites and YouTube videos. I’ve heard that nocd is a good resource.

So, yeah, FML.

 

[FemaleSurvivor]

One of the most infuriating things about the psychotherapeutic profession is the assumption that patients are ignorant about the tools of the trade and the culture surrounding them. I don’t know anything about OCD, so I have no advice there, but it does sound like you’re better off with the self-help books. Nothing worse than a therapist messing you up more and assuming you don’t have the brains and the knowledge to make intelligent decisions about your treatment.

 

[Justmehere]

I’ve struggled to get therapy that isn’t always looking at everything through trauma lenses. It can be super invalidating to be ignored as a WHOLE person that might have other thjngs happening. Just because a therapist had a hammer not everything is a mail.

Kudos to you for knowing what you need and going after it. Self help workbooks have been really helpful for me when I’ve been in tough spaces in finding humans who can competently help.

 

[Weemie]

It took me sixteen years to find my current therapist! I went through clinician after clinician trying to explain my needs, having them swear up and down they got it and could handle it, then as soon as I'd go into things they'd lose their shit on me.

It has resulted in me being very careful and developing a vetting process that lets me know pretty quickly whether I am wasting my time. And in my experience unfortunately credentials and specialty do seem to matter. Both therapists I had with doctorates were infinitely more capable than the social workers I'd been saddled with in community services.

The last therapist before K, verbatim asked me "so what would you diagnose yourself with?" after I told her how inappropriate it was to attempt to diagnose borderline after less than 20 minutes of meeting me simply because I am AFAB and expressed concerns about her level of emotional composure and training (as me even bringing it up resulted in her trying to argue with me which indicates... a lack of composure!)

Same lady who asked me why, if I were really suicidal, I didn't succeed at killing myself...

I ended up learning about the different modalities that are effective for people like me and undergoing them on my own. Obsessions are a part of my issues as well and I've found Exposure Response Prevention and thought replacement from CBT helpful, as well as learning to understand how OCD ties into morality and confession and all that stuff.

The cool thing? I knew exactly what I needed when I did finally meet the therapist capable of working with me! And we have been doing FORNET ever since, with me providing the materials and us kind of cobbling together treatment based on my knowledge of the modality and her forensic background.

Any therapist who isn't able to admit they aren't capable and to refer you to someone who is capable, is doing their client a disservice. And unfortunately admitting they can't do something isn't common in the profession, and even less is admitting they can't do something because they lack the ability rather than because of some issue with the patient.

 

[Ecdysis]

How's this going @EveHarrington ? Any progress?

 

[Applecore]

Just stumbled across your message. As far as I recall we've met on this forum before somewhere, I think I recall your username.

I've been where you are now. Back when I was told by a psychologist that I probably have PTSD, I used to have obsessive thoughts to the point that it felt like in the old fashioned, politically incorrect sense I was "going mad" - as if my brain was dominated by the same involuntary thought, repeating itself constantly, like a kind of torture.

If you are there now, I must reassure you that you can get out.

One thing I will say is, I do believe in therapy but it isn't the only way forward. It didn't work much for me.

I agree with others who say keep reading the self-help.

I'd add, get out into nature much more and enjoy the summer while it lasts. Long walks and bike rides. If you drink, cut it by half. Same with sugar. Same with social media or quit it for a while. Double exercise. All of this gives us helpful chemicals.

Cut down on any disturbing relationships with family and friends. Grey rock or no contact if necessary. Then find people to be good to, even if it's making them smile in the grocery store. Find new friends. That gives us helpful chemicals too.

What brings you sustainable joy? Do more of that.

All of this is just immediate relief that I know worked for me, so I hope it might work for you. It's just a start. But starts are great.

 

[EveHarrington]

Just stumbled across your message. As far as I recall we've met on this forum before somewhere, I think I recall your username.

I've been where you are now. Back when I was told by a psychologist that I probably have PTSD, I used to have obsessive thoughts to the point that it felt like in the old fashioned, politically incorrect sense I was "going mad" - as if my brain was dominated by the same involuntary thought, repeating itself constantly, like a kind of torture.

If you are there now, I must reassure you that you can get out.

One thing I will say is, I do believe in therapy but it isn't the only way forward. It didn't work much for me.

I agree with others who say keep reading the self-help.

I'd add, get out into nature much more and enjoy the summer while it lasts. Long walks and bike rides. If you drink, cut it by half. Same with sugar. Same with social media or quit it for a while. Double exercise. All of this gives us helpful chemicals.

Cut down on any disturbing relationships with family and friends. Grey rock or no contact if necessary. Then find people to be good to, even if it's making them smile in the grocery store. Find new friends. That gives us helpful chemicals too.

What brings you sustainable joy? Do more of that.

All of this is just immediate relief that I know worked for me, so I hope it might work for you. It's just a start. But starts are great.

Thank you for your reply.

I stuck with it until yesterday when she decided that therapy should terminate when I said I did not want to do DBT for various reasons, mainly that I know these skills and they don’t help me with obsessions/compulsions. She disclosed that her specialty was DBT, and I was puzzled as I specifically asked for someone who treated OCD, and DBT is not really what helps OCD. I was very frustrated and called another therapist. I was able to get an appointment for next week, thank goodness. She was pushing mindfulness on me and yes, it’s good to be aware of what’s going on, but at the same time, mindfulness isn’t a fix. (And I actually think it’s cruel to push mindfulness on someone who already has sensory issues as it just makes things worse in terms of being told to do things related to feeling more with your physical senses.)

I’m kind of mad that I wasted so much time. I am not going back to that organization again for outpatient therapy. I am frustrated with therapy in general but I really need help so I’m willing to give it another try. I am going to look more into self help as well.

 

[Applecore]

Thank you for your reply.

I stuck with it until yesterday when she decided that therapy should terminate when I said I did not want to do DBT for various reasons, mainly that I know these skills and they don’t help me with obsessions/compulsions. She disclosed that her specialty was DBT, and I was puzzled as I specifically asked for someone who treated OCD, and DBT is not really what helps OCD. I was very frustrated and called another therapist. I was able to get an appointment for next week, thank goodness. She was pushing mindfulness on me and yes, it’s good to be aware of what’s going on, but at the same time, mindfulness isn’t a fix. (And I actually think it’s cruel to push mindfulness on someone who already has sensory issues as it just makes things worse in terms of being told to do things related to feeling more with your physical senses.)

I’m kind of mad that I wasted so much time. I am not going back to that organization again for outpatient therapy. I am frustrated with therapy in general but I really need help so I’m willing to give it another try. I am going to look more into self help as well.

I hear you, I fully sympathize and you are fully within your rights.

In my experience, so-called professionals often want to try out their training on their clients, more than they want to give us what we specifically need or ask for.

We need to be careful of these people, especially when we need urgent help.

Tell me, what are the first few things that spontaneously spring to mind when I ask you:

What brings you joy?

 

[EveHarrington]

I hear you, I fully sympathize and you are fully within your rights.

In my experience, so-called professionals often want to try out their training on their clients, more than they want to give us what we specifically need or ask for.

We need to be careful of these people, especially when we need urgent help.

Tell me, what are the first few things that spontaneously spring to mind when I ask you:

What brings you joy?

I don’t know if things bring me joy, or just contentment. I am filling my days with my work and that gives me a sense of accomplishment. People tend to stress me, so much of the time I am alone, even though I do long for a sense of belonging. I miss my cat, but cannot afford another one right now. I think of getting another one, but don’t want a kitten, more like a lazy adult cat.