They Think I Have Complex Ptsd...sounds Bad

[Muruluisku]

I did it, I went to to see the therapist and let her assess if I could have therapy to work out all the problems and effects that all the baddies had on me. My friend came along and sat outside waiting for me and we went for a walk in the park after (one rare day that it hasn't rained and the sun is out!)

I struggled with my words, but I had written down the main bits like you guys suggesteded. She was happy to just read it when I lost my words.

She said she thought I might have "Complex PTSD". I've heard of PTSD but not about the complex part... It sounds bad... Like it will be really hard and complex to get better from it?! She didn't really explain what it meant, and I was too overwhelmed with having to be there shut in the room with her that I didn't ask.

She said she might be able to see me herself... That would be good so I didn't need to start from scratch with a new person. She said the waiting list was likely to be 6-12 weeks.

I don't mind waiting, and I said to her Im not sure if I want to start therapy even... she said I don't need to decide now, only when I'm offered a time slot for therapy.

I'd like you guys to help me remember the baddies will not come to hurt me at night now that I've told some more, so that I could have some hope to get to sleep tonight, please?! *crying,scared*

<3: Muru

 

[digger]

Look at it logically if you can. There is no way of them knowing that you have told anyone is there? No one's going to come hurt you.

Well done for going for your assessment. Proud of you. Take some time now to be proud of yourself :)

 

[Lucycat]

Hey @Muruluisku welcome to my world! I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD about 4 years ago. Yes it is scary when you first hear the news, but for me it explains so much of who I am, how I am and Why I am. It is more difficult to recover, but it does mean that they tailor the therapy to fit the difficulties. Better starting out on the right foot at the beginning of therapy.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/posttraumaticstressdisorder.aspx
Complex PTSD is described at the end of this leaflet - you might find that helpful.

If you are doing further research you will find that CPTSD is a controversial diagnosis. The term is little used in the US and Australia, but more widely used in the UK. That is because the UK does not have to follow strict guidelines of diagnostic labels in order to access medical aid through insurance ( I believe). However interestingly it was in the US that the term CPTSD was first used by Judith Herman.

Anyway, well done for getting through the assessment. Sounds like the therapy is not too long away - I would recommend you take it as soon as it is offered!

 

[Muruluisku]

Thank you Splinter *hug* and Lucy for helping me understand what it is.

I feel better now that I know the "complex" part doesn't mean that I'm a hopeless case, and that these things can be worked at... If I'm strong and brave enough... I guess while I'm waiting I can try to find my courage to say yes to therapy when a slot is offered to me.

I know you guys think that I should go , and I guess it would seem sensible to go... But I have managed okay for so long, I just need to be able to sleep and not go into vicious cycle of nightmares and flashbacks like I sometimes do...and stop doing the unhealthy things.... It's hard to imagine my life any better than it is, cause its mostly good in the day time, and Im so grateful for it. I don't want to risk it by being consumed by the bad things ALL the time if I let myself think or feel them in therapy. What if I go crazy and loose all the good in my life if I start therapy?

<3: Muru

 

[digger]

I know you guys think that I should go , and I guess it would seem sensible to go... But I have managed okay for so long, I just need to be able to sleep and not go into vicious cycle of nightmares and flashbacks like I sometimes do...and stop doing the unhealthy things.... It's hard to imagine my life any better than it is, cause its mostly good in the day time, and Im so grateful for it. I don't want to risk it by being consumed by the bad things ALL the time if I let myself think or feel them in therapy. What if I go crazy and loose all the good in my life if I start therapy?

I think it would be unrealistic to think that it's not going to feel worse for a while when you go into therapy. But I also think it would be unrealistic to think that it's not going to come and bite you at some point big time if you don't deal with it. I'm not sure how old you are, but I get the impression from your posts that you are still quite young? I 'managed okay' for years (on and off), muddled through....then the straw that broke things came along and BANG! I genuinely think if I'd got help earlier on in my life I wouldn't be nearly as much of a mess as I am now. So yes, if you've got the opportunity to try then I would advise taking it, but at the same time, that is with the benefit of hindsight and I do understand where you're coming from. I don't know if I would necessarily have listened to me now, ten, twenty, years ago!

 

[moving forward]

No point doubling up on what splinter said above but i agree times 10. I didn't even know I needed help 20 years ago and I glad I finally did it but unfortunately I waited until I just couldn't go on anymore, and my trauma effected my life negatively in so many ways. Muruluisku you are one step ahead of me already as you have already thought about therapy. I hadn't even thought about it early on,at least not seriously. All I know is that therapy has been hard at times, but not getting help was much much harder. But it's ultimately up to you...

 

[Inwardly_Broken]

Muruluisku, I completely understand where you are coming from. I went my whole life thinking that I was fine. I functioned enough during the day, meaning that I can go to class and pass them along with working my jobs. I refused to go to therapy for years. Finally, I gave in and decided to take a chance. I was diagnosed with PTSD (not sure about the Complex part or not) just five months ago and started therapy right after. Then about a month ago I decided to go on meds.

Being diagnosed helped me to understand why I am the way that I am. The meds are helping me stay more alert and a little more relaxed during the day. Also, I have been able to sleep longer (up to a full 8 hours instead of my usual 2 hours), steadier, and nightmare free with one of my meds (it's amazing!!)

Therapy is a terrifying concept. It isn't easy but it is certainly worth it. I will admit and say that since starting therapy I find that I am having more rough days but I know that it will get better. Therapy is a long process that cannot be rushed. I am just at the start of this journey as well.

My two cents... I understand why you're hesitant but you made the first step and got a diagnosis! So, what's the harm in taking the next step? It can't make things worse and you certainly are not alone in all of this. :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

Being diagnosed helped me to understand why I am the way that I am.

That is exactly how I feel. It explains so much about me that did not make sense before.

 

[Muruluisku]

Thank you guys for sharing your experiences and understanding where I'm coming from with the wondering about whether to start therapy or not... I don't think I would decide properly until therapy slot comes available...at the moment I just try to ignore the whole idea to avoid more anxiety / nightmares.

<3: Muru