I have done this my whole life from when I was a child being abused by my father right up until now - over thirty years later it still happens.
Every time I orgasm when I am with a woman, I find myself apologizing for it, sometimes repeatedly. I feel stupid and worthless in doing this, and it feels unnatural to me, but I have always done it.
My father used to make me apologize for 'making' him orgasm, so I think it possibly stems from that, his placing the blame on me for the abuse etc.
This, however, does not go down to well with most people - they simply don't understand or 'get' it, and it feels uncomfortable for both parties.
With my ex girlfriend it was quite good, she knew about my abuse (I do tell most partners, because I am afraid that when they find out they'll leave me), she used to console me and tell me that there is nothing wrong with accepting the pleasure with her, and that it's a good thing etc.
I have actually been dumped/left for doing this, and I'd like to not do it. I often do not orgasm because of it, and this causes massive frustration (not to mention huge physical pain also on my part).
Which does indeed bring me to my next problem...
I cannot/will not masturbate. I never have done it since I was about 12. I was taught that masturbation was for my Father only, and that if I ever did it to myself then I would be punished severely, possibly killed. He owns/owned the right to that service alone.
This does prove to be a problem when I am not in a relationship, as the physical strain and pain can be quite excruciating indeed, sometimes to the point of not being able to pee or even walk properly. I've gone months, even years sometimes without release, and I have my dreaded Father to thank for it.
I have no idea how to deal with either problem, I feel completely f*cking abnormal, and dirty because of both things, but I don't know how to handle them, I don't know how to cope.
X
Every time I orgasm when I am with a woman, I find myself apologizing for it, sometimes repeatedly. I feel stupid and worthless in doing this, and it feels unnatural to me, but I have always done it.
My father used to make me apologize for 'making' him orgasm, so I think it possibly stems from that, his placing the blame on me for the abuse etc.
This, however, does not go down to well with most people - they simply don't understand or 'get' it, and it feels uncomfortable for both parties.
With my ex girlfriend it was quite good, she knew about my abuse (I do tell most partners, because I am afraid that when they find out they'll leave me), she used to console me and tell me that there is nothing wrong with accepting the pleasure with her, and that it's a good thing etc.
I have actually been dumped/left for doing this, and I'd like to not do it. I often do not orgasm because of it, and this causes massive frustration (not to mention huge physical pain also on my part).
Which does indeed bring me to my next problem...
I cannot/will not masturbate. I never have done it since I was about 12. I was taught that masturbation was for my Father only, and that if I ever did it to myself then I would be punished severely, possibly killed. He owns/owned the right to that service alone.
This does prove to be a problem when I am not in a relationship, as the physical strain and pain can be quite excruciating indeed, sometimes to the point of not being able to pee or even walk properly. I've gone months, even years sometimes without release, and I have my dreaded Father to thank for it.
I have no idea how to deal with either problem, I feel completely f*cking abnormal, and dirty because of both things, but I don't know how to handle them, I don't know how to cope.
X
