Poll Do You Believe That Ptsd Effects The Way You Operate In Society?

[jeapea]

yep. nothing can ever be the same as it was that day when I laid on my blanket in the sunshine while my grandma hung the clothes up to dry... I wasn't yet a year old.
funny... I remember things before I could walk or talk........ like they were yesterday.
But other things... are such a mess.
My mom told me (when I was 15) that I had 3 visible emotions. Love, hate and indifference. I've never, not once in my lifetime, believed there was a 'gray area'. Hence, no tolerance for it. I think she was right.
When did this start for me? Or has it always been this way? Or was it the result of the 3rd degree burns I received at age 5 months? That I became 'awake' and 'aware' of life... and other things.... and I've always known that so few others 'got it'.
I don't see life as others do. And I never have... so I can't operate like they do.
Makes it impossible to find a place to fit in.....

 

[midi]

I do not deal with being around people for long periods of time. I want to get away. In stores, I want to just get in and get out and if I can't, I get extremely angry quite fast--the same for lineups and shopping malls. I can't control this frustrated anger.

 

[wattle]

What social life?
I used to be able to block out crowds as long as they didn't get too close I couldn't see them, just the mass moving around me. When I had my first panic attack that stopped though, now I see the crowds.
If I do go out, I have to sit either in a corner so nobody can get behind me or near the door for a quick exit.
Put one angry man in the picture and thats it for me, got to go now, no hesitation just leave.

 

[TLight]

Oh yes;

1. Afraid of people in general. I can pull it off and act as if I'm normal.......but, inside, I generally find people very dangerous. I'm always hypervilgilant and prefer to be left alone.

2. Feel an intense emotion (hatred) towards men. Not fair, I know, but it's there.

3. Due to much trauma, harassment and abuse in the workplace, just getting up and getting ready for work throws me into intense anxiety. I wish this wasn't so.

4. Don't trust anyone or any institution........almost on the verge of paranoia sometimes.

5. Being around any family throws me into a complete tailspin I'm so triggered. Very very hard. Again, the solution is stay alone.

6. Extreme reactions to annoyances. It builds up over time when I don't put my foot down immediately, like a coworker bothering me and wasting my time, or a customer being rude..........I'm in instant overwhelming anger.

7. Extreme reactions to any perceived injustice.

8. I think practically every male on the planet is a pervert of some sort. Pretty hard to convince me otherwise.

9. Can't seem to function well in any atmosphere where I have people waiting for me, like being in customer service and there is people in line. I pick up on their mounting agitation and I go into extreme panic. Never knew what this was.......I just thought everyone lived like this.

10. If someone, anyone is in my house, space........I'm constantly asking them if everything is OK...trying to make sure their emotions are in check........I'm terrified of humans basically.

11. Drive with a knife in the car. Only way I will enter a crowded situation is with a knife in my sock.

12. Can't even watch some tv and movies because the gratituous sex sends me into crying fits.
etc. etc.

 

[TLight]

Any bully behavior, raised voices, intimidating men.........I'm off to the moon.

 

[kimba]

Hypervigilince keeps me tense no matter where I go especially if I am alone (most of time)or it is night. I get angry if someone "sneaks up" on me because I feel threatened. Anyone approaching gets a look in the eyes to tell them they have been seen so don't mess with me. Sometimes what I see looking back scares the crap out of me! I move fast but with purpose at all times.People think I will run them down and usually move.

Crowds keep me away except for a rare extra-special event such as a "Farewell" concert. I will do shows and things on vacations as once a year things but do not enjoy the people contact. I appreciate organization at these events and not chaos. Will feel nauseous and exhausted for a couple of days afterwards.

Not a touchy-feely person and resent being forced to do so. Private person, don't share much unless I want to.

 

[Anna]

I do not trust anyone anymore at all. I am very careful who I speak to and do not open up to people. I can function normally but trust is a very big issue. I am also hypervigilant and appear nervous to people. I am able to keep it under control most of the time, but I tend to appear very quiet and nervous. Most people just believe I am shy though which is good.

 

[reddevil1111]

I found a job where I can work from home. I dont go out except to therapy and doctor apointments. I can socialize and seem normal but it makes my skin crawl to be in a social setting. I cant stand being in a large gathering. A crowd is out of the question. I enjoy going on my back porch at night and looking at the stars. Going to eat out or shopping, even going to my office for meetings are all things I try to avoid.
Thank God my wife likes to do the shopping and stuff. I even managed to shop for Christmas last year all online. This is not something like a fear to go outside the home, its just that I dont like social interaction at all.

 

[Addy]

I voted yes... I had to quit a job because. of my symptoms. I am petrified of public bathrooms if they have stalls, as I was raped as a child in a public bathroom. I avoid them totally, which has gotten me into trouble a few times. It has also effected my desire to socialize. Oten I feel that I'm not fun to be around anymore, that I'm too depressed that no one in their right mind would want to hang out with me. Lastly, it has certainly effected my ability to be emotionally connected with others, or intimate with any man I meet. I hate what PTSD has done to my life!

 

[Reign]

There isn't a moment in any day that I am not affected by my past. I have an extremely hard time trusting anyone and should I ever slip and open up ever so slightly to someone I soon find myself running from them for fear they will use this knowledge to further hurt me. It doesn't seem to matter how long I have known them either. I have been unable to have a close bond within a relationship due to this, I simply can't imagine trusting someone with my triggers. People who claim to love you can cause the greatest harm and will hold that gun to your temple, finger firmly on the trigger waiting to watch you dance. Oh hell no!

 

[missd84]

I can think of so many ways PTSD has affected my life and how I operate in society.

1. I have a huge lack of trust in anyone, but especially men. I always think they have an alterior motive and when approached, I will simply ignore them and if that doesn't work, I walk away. In general though, I just avoided places where I feel men would likely approach me.

2. I only trust myself but even there, I don't fully because I question every thing I do.

3. I do not like crowds or crowded stores. I've had panic attacks just from shopping because people are behind me or I can't see around a corner.

4. Minor things set me off even worse than before.

5. Noises in the night.

6. I can't sleep anymore so I sleep a lot during the day.

7. My motivation is very low. I avoid anything that will cause me even the slightest increase in anxiety. This makes holding a job very difficult for me.

8. I people-watch to avoid having conversations. For example, on the rare occassions that I go out with my friends, I barely talk to them because I'm scoping out potential dangers.

9. I cry a lot more often and it used to be very difficult for me to cry.

10. I rarely feel happy. I just kinda feel like I'm here.

This list could go on and on....

 

[TLight]

I could ditto all the above.

Most of all it affects me like I live in an impenetrable cubicle, separated from all others, even my husband. I live in a world where I trust not just people, but I don't trust life.

They say hope is a mainstay. I was even watching a PBS film about dying people, who were still filled with hope for the future and for that day. I must say, that sense of hope has never existed for me. It is like a foreign language that I'll never understand. Like all I understand is waking up in extreme pain and having regretted waking up at all.

I look back at my life. I'm 46 now, have had complex PTSD, dissociative disorder most of my years. I have this vision of me being really old, dying on my death bed, and looking back...At what? I ask. Kids, good times, relationships...;well, PTSD destroys them all. Memories are all about losses. It seems everything is a loss.

Hope left me a long time ago. I'm just existed because I'm too afraid to kill myself. Although if they send me back to work and it all gets really unbearable again, I'm looking at that as a definate option.

I wish I had hope. I just can't even grasp the concept anymore.

I'm existing, not living really.

But I do have a horse now and I love riding, cantering around doing dressage. I think sometimes to myself if I have to get rid of Riley, I'd definately have nothing to live for, not even my husband. I feel so horrible saying that, but there's this 'disconnect' I have with humans. I'm dissociated around them all the time. I'm in a bubble I can't get out of. Oh yes, I go through the 'loving' motions, mostly so I won't be alone, but being alone is what I am anyway, so it wouldn't make that much difference.

Hope, hope and the ability to really feel love towards a human. They are gone. I feel tears and compassion for others suffering, yes, incredably. But I don't really feel love. I'm walled off somehow and I can't seem to peak through.