Poll Do You Believe That Ptsd Effects The Way You Operate In Society?

[Deleted member 12723]

Yes I am impaired. I am very cautious with people. I am able to ask for people to meet my needs. But I also see that some people are not safe. I get triggered by someone elses out of control anger. I manage to disengage and walk away and keep on walking. I know I deserve to be treated with respect no matter the difference of opinion. I am shy in groups and I have a hard time talking in groups. I have managed to isolate myself pretty good. I have a hard time with taking things personally. I want to get to the place where I can learn to laugh things off. I hope I will get more comfortable with people as I continue to learn and grow. But for now I have a very hard time with people.

 

[Abstract]

Only recently started to realise how much it affects me.

All people seem dangerous even though my logic tells me that isn't true; viscerally it is very true for me. I function professionally thanks to dissociation (for example can only make eye contact if I "pop inside myself" and view it from a distance) but I cannot concentrate and if I did not work for myself I would be fired.

I am unable to answer texts, phone calls or open the door to visitors and yet can deal with non personal relationships easily. Seeing friends results in me sometimes needing weeks to recover. Any contact with family even longer. Conflict (even not my own) can bring on symptoms for days after too.

I can't sit in the middle of restaurants and try to always have a wall behind me wherever I go. I can rarely sleep in a bed and my husband has to warn me when he moves around the flat. Almost all aspects of being in marriage are impossible for me. Seeing a dr is something that I need to work up courage to do.

So how I operate in society in a nutshell is to isolate myself from living or from human beings. In many situations it does not appear that I am doing that but internally no one gets anywhere near me and I am going through the motions rather than engaging with the world. It feels like I am trying to keep very very still and stop breathing to try not to break anything.

Without this I think I would have been extremely social and free, adventurous and loving. I care deeply about people and in theory like spontaneity. I think I am working at about 5 % of my potential both personally and professionally if not less. When I have rare better moments I glimpse the person I really am.

 

[Froggie]

I used to have problems saying "No" to people, now I have problems to say "Yes";

I used to have an open house with people coming and going all the time, telephone ringing all the time, coffee time with friends ... now it's like all that belongs to a past life and that I'm reincarnated in an isolation where I have to make efforts to have a social life.

I have far less tolerance towards certain persons.

 

[Shellbell]

PTSD has significantly impacted and impaired my social life and ability to interact in any social situation, with most activities avoided completely.

I can't do any of the things I used to enjoy. I can barely function in my relationships as a mother and wife, let alone socialize.

 

[Legend]

I have to sit in a certain place in resturants, I have to be able to see everything around me. In church it's the same, I know how many steps to the door, how many seconds it takes etc. I drive the same way, I am aware of every car around me and I watch the occupants and driver very closely. My wife always has to walk on the inside of me and the street so I am between her and potential danger. I am in a constant state of hyper awareness all the time, I dont know anything else. My home is at the end of my street and I know every sound, and every movement within 75 yards of my home. I have learned to read the shadows inside my house, and also how to use the reflections from the pictures with glass in the frames to detect movement outside.

It is sad to say but it's true, my sences are very acute and being in crowds is horriable for me. The feeling of it is something like standing in the middle of a football stadium with every seat filled, and everyone screaming at me at the same time. I can handle going out to malls, shopping for food etc. for the most part, however at times I will become overwhelmed for no good reason. At that moment my emotions go wild with anger being the first responce, it takes me getting out of the place to calm down.

One of the strangest things happened not long ago which really was a suprise to me. My wife and I had eaten out and had gotten back to our car, gotten in and was starting to leave. As we begen to exit our space a small black car came across the parking lot at a high rate of speed. The driver was a young man around 21 or 22 years old, he almost hit us. My wife blew the horn and with that he turned around and called her a bitc*, as one would guess I was not going to let that pass.I got out of our car and confronted the fellow and his passengers, asked him what he said and to please join me outside his car for further discussion about his attitude.

He just sat there really not knowing what to do, he reached under the seat and pulled out a very large knife. I at that moment was no longer angry, I became something else, no emotion, no fear, only the desire to hurt him as bad as I could. I asked him what he thought he was going to do with that, he just sat there. I told him get out and bring it with him, again he just sat there. It dawned on me that he was scared of me, even with a weapon he was afraid. That brings me to my point, he had the weapon but I had no fear, nothing, I then realized that I wanted him to get out of the car so I could hurt or even kill him.

I was shocked at my feelings and just let him leave, I have been trained to defend against such things and in turn inflict as much damage as possiable very quickly. I havent felt that in a very long time and hope to never feel it again. He was just a stupid kid and dident know any better, I later felt that it was even my fault because I never should have gotten out of the car. I was snapped into a PTSD episode which could have ended up ugly for the young man as well as myself. I was kidnapped years ago and stabbed 13 times in the back and tied with barbwire and then thrown off a bridge into a river. I Lived!

 

[who am i kim]

I do not like dealing with people as I never know if I am going to get into trouble and that can includes my husband and my therapist. It is like I never know what is waiting for me around the corner. I also cannot go into car parks as road rage gets to me if something triggers me etc. I have to feel safe in my environment to be able to function I am not much good with socialization as I have the added problem of a severe hearing loss

I sit near the door so that i can escape in a situation if needed

 

[Changing4Best]

Seeing as I am terrified of being in tall grasses or out in the woods due to having been bitten by ticks which caused Lyme Disease (a bacterial thing which went into my heart and nearly killed me) I tend to stay on the sidewalks or the road as much as possible, since ticks cannot go there for long if at all. Also, I cannot drive, since I am disabled from the Lyme which has over 200 symptoms.

So I cannot visit folks at their homes unless they pick me up and bring me home again later. (Buses only opperate on weekdays, from 9AM-2PM). This makes holidays very lonely times for me. Here we are nearing Easter, and I have yet to receive an invitation. This last Christmas, I actually asked my minister if he knew of anyone who might be willing to have an extra guest for dinner. He invited me, but I have a feeling he's expected elsewhere for Easter, so here I sit wondering if I should invite myself to someone's home which is rude, of course, but I have done it before. Sometimes folks take pity on me (a poor widow who lives alone) and sometimes they can't or don't.

Celebrating holidays with others is a thing that one does in society, but for me, holidays can be a lonely agony, since I was never able to have children and my hubby and parents have died. Friends tend to spend holidays with their families, so where do I fit in? NOPLACE. And that makes me want to cry.

 

[safenow]

Because of my early years, I start off at a disadvantage. Then, we put PTSD on top of that, and I am off the charts in social settings.

Way back, when I was first recovering, I could get violent at the drop of a hat. Anyone bump into me, I'd knock them out of the way and grab something to protect myself with. For a young, 4 ft 11 inch female, that is not a good way to behave. If I heard a box drop, I'd be behind the shelves in grocery stores, or outside running back and forth between cars. If anyone grabbed me, I'd try to break their nose (did a number of times). I finally had some classes in anger management, which helped.

I can't do crowds even now, and it's been 45 years. sigh. When I feel I'm out numbered, I panic. Feel as though I must escape. I can't handle it when I hear loud, angry voices. Or worse yet, soft, angry voices. When I see a man get "that look" I back up. When I'm triggered, I never know what I"m going to do. If a little one comes out, then I freeze and become totally submissive. If a teen comes out, I run (even though I'm in a wheelchair, I'll get away as fast as I can). If a younger woman comes out, I try to hurt them before they can hurt me. I'm a flipping mess when things are not going well.

The good thing is, it is a lot better now than it used to be. For the most part, I can function in society just fine. But I need more help than I get once I've felt my life or someone else' life is in danger again. I tend to act first, and pay for it later. Aren't you glad I don't live in your neighborhood?

 

[Orglethorp]

PTSD absolutely affect the way I operate in society.

- I take leadership roles, but only if no one else will.

- I hate being seen/heard by my roommates when I'm going about my own business. I do my share of the chores only when no one else is home, or late at night when everyone else is asleep, because if they can see me I can't help but think they're judging me / the quality of my cleaning. I will opt for a dinner of fruit and crackers in my room rather than cooking something in the kitchen if they're studying at the kitchen table, because I'm only okay with being seen cooking if the other people are also cooking.

- I'm a peacekeeper. I can't stand to see/hear others fighting, and I'll always try to stop the fight. I compromise in order to avoid fights. Sometimes this means I give in to things I disagree with just to keep the peace.

- I fear being drunk, because I don't know how it would affect my PTSD symptoms. I can handle a crowded club when I'm sober and keep my PTSD in check, but I've never tested that drunk, and I'm terrified to try it. As a result, I either don't drink at all, or I'll order myself a single rum & cola just so no one can say I'm not drinking and then refuse everything else all night. I feel comfortable with a rum & cola because it's familiar. (It's been my Mom's go-to evening drink at home for as long as I can remember, and for some reason that makes it different than other drinks.) Sometimes my friends get annoyed that I'll buy myself a rum & cola, but I won't accept the x, y or z they wanted to buy for me.

- I hate being too close to strangers in public places. People getting too close to me in the check-out line at the store makes me angry. People squeezing between me and another passenger on the bus so that our thighs are pressed together makes my skin crawl. (It also pisses me off if they're wet. Seriously people, if I can manage to stay dry on my walk to the bus, so can you! If you're wet, consider not making others wet as well.)

- I hate being touched. I have put such an effort into not reacting when a friend places a hand on my shoulder that I rarely have a visible startle response to that sort of thing anymore, but I always still feel like I've just jumped out of my skin, and if I'm having a particularly bad day to begin with then that is enough to trigger major anxiety. If I can't go away and hide after that, I pretty much stop all unnecessary interactions for the next hour or so just in order to cope. Something like this actually happened on Friday. I hadn't got more than about 5 hours of sleep a night all week, I had just written a midterm that I had not felt prepared for at all, and I was eating lunch with two of my friends & classmates. One happens to be in the "too early to find out" stage of a pregnancy scare, so that was the topic of conversation. Eventually that lead to a "when was your first time?" sort of discussion. Let's call my friends A.M. and I.T. (initials). A.M. thinks she knows more about my life than she does. She know that I was engaged before, but apparently she thinks I was a virgin before Chris. After discussing I.T.'s first time, A.M. specially asked "how old were you when you first did it with Chris?" - which I answered honestly. I hadn't been thinking she would ask that, though. I was thinking she would simply ask at what age I lost my virginity, since that's what she asked I.T. I was thinking I would have to then ask for her definition of virginity. Then she made an assumption. The fact that I was raped repeatedly between ages 13-15 and yet everyone assumes I was a virgin until I was 21 was all I could think about. A little later in conversation (no idea what we were talking about by then), A.M. randomly reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I felt like bursting into tears, and I probably looked like it. I think she noticed, because I got a weird look from her. I have absolutely no idea what we discussed beyond our physics lab and working on our programming assignments, but I was with her for 6 hours after that.

 

[intothelight]

PTSD does affect the way that I operate in society, but only to the degree that I am willing to allow it. There were symptoms that were so crippling they limited my ability to work, interact with others, and to maintain healthy meaningful relationships. Those are the symptoms that I focused my efforts on and learned to manage. Other things really don't matter that much in the overall scheme of things. (e.g. I will never enjoy shopping in a crowded store, so I just patronize smaller establishments.)

 

[Raj]

PTSD effects me for sure I only go out with my wife and teenager's or usually not at all. For a few years I actually was able to function as a part time Animal control Officer/Reserve Deputy. Then my Epilepsy and Flash backs came back almost together after a guy threatened to to end myself and my wife who was " riding along" to see what my job entailed. Said guy only got disturbing the peace since he did not draw the pistol only rested hand on it. Prosecutor tried for more serious charges which judge rejected.

I have to be hyper-vigilant because other criminals have messed with my door and not been apprehended also related to that part time job.

I like to hide at home under lock down!

 

['91 Girl]

300 yes, 2 no. I think that tells the tale.

I feel so socially inhibited because of it. I am naturally introverted, but you add the insecurity and fear that PTSD brings to the table, and I am nearly a recluse. I barely talk to anyone about anything. I don't feel like I can really get to know anyone or let them get to know me because they will see it. I feel like people can see through me to my insecurities and then spend their time talking behind my back to each other about me. I feel clumsy and I don't know how to have a casual conversation anymore.