Thought I Was Going To Combust!

[Blondie362]

A few days ago, I visited my Mums house with my little dog , who is no problem whatsoever I was with my sister at the time, which I was glad so I could ask her after the fact " was that me overreacting?"

Anyway Mum made it clear that she really didn't want us in the house and shuffled us out into the garden, my dog was playing and barking ( mum has two dogs the same breed) and she said to my dog whom I adore " why don't you go and play in the traffic" ???

I was that angry, I confronted her there and then and said " don't say such a sick thing like that " she told me me to stop being so defensive and to loosen up, and basically said it was a joke just as she would say if a child was being naughty!! ??

I swear I was so close to getting up grabbing her and throwing her through the wall!!


I doubt she would say that to the mother of the child who visits often from next door, and expect the Mum would let her child visit again !!! - its just not funny.

I am currently in art therapy because I am struggling to talk about certain images in my head and I'm sure she thinks I paint pictures to stick on fridge !! and has no concept of what I am doing this for.... to tell a person with PTSD to loosen up who is actively in therapy is the worst thing she could have said.

I just grabbed my little dog, told my sister we were leaving and drove down the road and had to pull over as I cried with anger, that was a few days ago and I am reeling as it made me see how just one comment from her ignited the fuse, I am disgusted in her.

Even my sister said you could feel that we weren't welcome, she was too busy playing as she now says " surrogate grandma" to the little girl who lives next door... ( neither of us have children)- made me see how she can be fake as F**k with the people next door and almost reinvent herself again, after all the damage she has done to myself and my sister.

Thanks
Kate

 

[Srain]

Been there and it can be tough. I know how my mother can put the face on especially with other people around and talk like I'm not getting "it" while I fume inside. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's hurtful deep inside and can bring up some old issues or fester those that are already in the mix.

I try to remind myself that it really has nothing to do with me, these are her issues that she directs towards me when she has something going on. Take care of yourself and know that you matter.

Peace and healing thoughts,
Rain

 

[Blondie362]

Thanks Rain... just reread my post I did it early morning after tossing and turning with anger and upset, and I can see my emotion in the post !!

At this stage I don't even want to speak to her, as I know it will not become about the other day, and alot will come out about issues from way past, and I don't want to go down that route too much water under the bridge to fix it now.:(

 

[nimkekaa]

Everyone should have a place that feels like home and where they are always welcomed. I'm sorry your mom can't do that for you.

My parents are the same. I am determined to always make my kids feel like they are welcome and loved. I want them to come home and visit.

I'm glad your sister was there to help validate what you were feeling. I hope it helped a bit.

 

[Blondie362]

Thank you nimkekaa:)

I have step sons and always wanted to give them what I didn't have, I love having them here when they and having sit down meals & chatting and laughing, ( which nowadays in families doesn't happen that much)

Even now we give big hugs, even though they are big adult men both me and their Dad & always say " we love you " when they are going and when we are on the phone, and they say it back.

Me and my sister were both made to feel like we were an inconvenience in my family. its just important to let your kids know they are loved and wanted, as if its not felt at a young age, it can really cause abandonment issues through teenage/adult years.

I also have step grandchidlren and just wouldn't dream of saying " go play in the traffic" .. which is how it felt when my Mother came out with that trite, crude ,stupid comment, my dogs are like my children to me, and it hurt, but equally so did her cold comment about being defensive and to loosen up.

It will be a long time before I go to her house again, I need to cool off, I can't bare fakery - I wear my heart on my sleeve so playing pretend isn't my thing.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sad that happened to you. Comments like that make me cringe. I usually do not like people who talk like that. I am sorry this happened to you.

It sounds like you were not welcomed. That is a shame. I know I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and it caused alot of problems for me. it is hard. I now keep my opinions to myself and set boundries and limts. If that had happened to me I would have left too soon after the comment was made.

I would have said well it is time for me to take off now. I would have gathered my dog and left. I like to try to remember to consider the source. Now you are aware that your mom is going to make inappropriate comments and you will have to have short visits with her.

I have a sister that makes alot of inappropriate comments that really rock my boat. I have to have phone only contact with her. I am not willing to go and see her. I have to do this. I wish you the best in whatever You decide to deal with this situation.

You are not going to change your mom. The best thing you can do is to limit the time you spend with her and take the best care of you that you can. Good luck.

 

[Blondie362]

Gizmo I agree, my time is limited with my Mum, because I don't take what she says I come back at her- she's quite a forceful dominant character, but I set her straight which I don't think she likes , I know she's not going to change , so I have to be aware that I need to limit the time with people that push my buttons, as we all know its very hard to let go of the emotions when people don't think before they engage their mouth!

Thank you all for your support, I feel so comfortable posting on here as I know people understand, unless you know about PTSD sometimes you actually question is it them or me ?? and thats frustrating, but I also think the condition also gives us a radar that others may not have, we pick up very quickly on vibes in enviroments and with people.
Kate