Thoughts About Being Bisexual.

[Lady of Longbourn]

We also talked about my babysitter when I was about 6 or 7 years old. She was about 17 years old and it was the first time I remember feeling sexually excited. We touched each other.

Therapist and I have sort of talked about this before with my therapist saying that often he notices that people's first sexual experience can shape their future ones. He asked me again yesterday if I found that to be horrifying as a child. No...I wanted her to keep touching me.

But the thought now as an adult alarms me. A almost-adult-teenager touching a little girl! As an adult I feel, it's wrong, it's wrong.

But I really wanted her to keep touching me and I often feel like I sort of pushed myself on her in some way and she didn't know what to do.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

your male T he understands the 'onion effect' us females have.

being female has many influences and emotions.

Can you explain what you mean? I have no idea what a onion effect is.

I agree about all the influences and emotions; he has asked me about all the different things I do find attractive. Is that what you mean?

The above stuff with my therapist was just a quick summary of only bits I could remember (which isn't much).

 

[billie]

The onion effect is maybe explained by which females have many layers to them. One could be the loving mother, the faithful wife, the caring freind, etc. Then there are the deep seeded emotions such as `I feel this emotion when I am in this situation' and so on. Many females have stated in research that a lot of their emotional states in certian situations confict with other emotional states or even their values. A genetic concept could be related to the fact that XX contains many more `active or switched on' genes than XY as Y is usually switched on in refrence to gonads and repoductive coding sequences. The conflict experianced by us XX can be quite confusing at times... all I can say is maybe try mindfulness. Allow your body to experiance the emotion, where in your body can you feel it?, are the emotions bring up any deeper `onion effect' thoughts that are not necessarily related to the emotion in question. What is your body trying to tell you? Hope that helps :)

 

[anonymous]

I used to wonder if I wasn't quite straight.
One test I ran on myself was trying to think of an older woman and an older man (70+) and imagine if I could find either attractive.Turns out I can not imagine finding a 70+ year old woman attractive but a 70+ male I can. This is probably because I am straight? I am guessing a lesbian can easily imagine a 70+ woman attractive.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I really do disagree with your reasoning. And I don't understand why your testing subjects are in their 70's?

I don't find every woman attractive that I meet. I would say that 90% of them I don't. It's not just looks but body movements, the way they dress and their intelligence.

I met a girl in one of my college classes the other day, she is very psychically beautiful but during class she doesn't pay any attention to the teacher. I found that to be unattractive.

Not every straight woman is going to find every straight man attractive.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Husband and I talked about this Saturday night. He didn't seem repulsed or upset. He asked some questions; Was I ever in a relationship with a woman? What do I find attractive?

I can't remember much of what was said but neither one of us got angry. And I don't think he found any of this threatening. I do find that a new window has opened. A part of me is more free. We even got into a discussion about which actress in what scene is hotter (Kate Winslet in Titanic for example). He didn't seem worried when I listed mine and we compared lists. :p

I know this isn't something I want to talk about all the time with him. I know if I do, he will think that he is not good enough which is not true at all.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am also thinking of giving the supports groups another chance. I never did go. I think there are meetings in about 2 weeks.

Another discussion for Husband and myself.

 

[billie]

Kate Winslet was pretty good in that! So happy for you :) what a wonderful relationship!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Okay I did it! :D

I had emailed a LGBT support group months ago and they never answered. That put me off and I lost courage. So just now I tried another group, closer to my home. The first one might not have been a good idea anyway because of travel time.

But I emailed just now. 12:30am and that is normally when I do stupid or courageous things. Impulse online shopping for example...:sneaky:

"Hello, My name is Ayesha and I have a few questions.

I am interested in your LGBT group but is it also for the actual gay/bisexual people or is there some other group you might be able to point me towards? Mostly the website talks about friends and family and that through me off.

I have been to one or two support groups before. Can you give me a brief summary of what happens during your groups? Around how many people show up?

Thank you for your time. Ayesha"

I didn't know what else to say so I left it at that. Husband and I talked about this group. He just looked at me, with me backtracking really fast, saying how I still have no decided if I even want to go (so please don't get mad at me!). He just sort of...grinned at me. This email will help me chose if I should give it a try.

 

[SMC_1987]

Is anyone else bisexual? Do you think it helps or hinders your relationships? Do you think maybe PTSD played a part in your own sexuality...

Though I don't really identify as "bisexual," if I were to put a lable on it, yes I most certainly am.

I think it really depends on who your partner is in terms of how it affects your relationship. My boyfriend knows that I have been with women in the past, but sexually and not in terms of a relationship. He knows, for example, that I wouldn't leave him for a woman. For me personally, I prefer men, but definitely find women very beautiful and attractive. We are incredible creatures :)

Some men may be be intimidated of the idea of their partner being attracted to a woman. We possess physical, psychological, and emotional attributes that are so different from their own, and therefore may be afraid of losing you to a woman because they just can't compete with the opposite sex in that way. We are wired so differently!

I don't think the PTSD had a part to play in my sexuality, its just the way I am!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

The group replied. I forwarded the questions and their reply to my husband. Because I want him to know, want to talk about this with him and I think this is good communication. My therapist once texted me in regards to my sexuality: "You are not responsible for feeling attracted only for whether you cross boundaries or are dishonest." I had to make sure my husband was okay with me going and okay with me.

He was supportive! He just said that he thinks it might be a good balanced fit. It's actually for 'friends and family of...' but they also have LGBT people too. I think I would actually prefer that becasue it reminds me of this forum. Both the sufferer and supporters help is good and often the supporters advice as helped me see something I would not have otherwise seen. I don't want to make my husband upset by crossing a boundary I haven't thought of. I have never done anything like this before so I feel pretty blind. And maybe one day my husband would like to join me and I know this group would make him feel more comfortable.

He also said that I should decided what I want from the group before I get there. People will take me more seriously then.

Lots to think about but progress! A hurtle I have been afraid to cross.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

The support group meets tomorrow. I am still unsure if I am going. I admit the thought makes me nervous.