I would like to know if others experience this, as it interferes with relationships in my life often. I have had so many close people in my life that sabatoged any success that I may have had in life. Growing up, I could not trust my mother, she was a depressed alcoholic. So I lived with sisters, and treated poorly. I married young, and he abused me. I remarried and had kids, and I felt safe for years. In marraige counseling, the therapist said my husband was passive aggressive and undermined me. We seperated. A couple yrs later, I dated the counselor when I was in grad school. I was exploited in that relationship. As a single parent of two teen daughters, they did things accidently or deliberately to sabatoge me for sure. Deleting papers off my computer that were due so I had to stay up all night and redo them. Taking my things. My husband undermined me in parenting although he does not believe or admit it. I feel like I was gaslighted. Once I could not find my skirt and my 17 yr old daughter watched me go from the basement to the attic searching for it for a couple of weeks. Finally I said it must have got mixed up with her clothes and she panicked, she had cut it up and it was in her closet.
Years later, she stopped payment on a check and made up a story that it was accidental and a bank misunderstanding. When I got proof, she had to admit. One daughter married a mormon, and they accused me of being abusive-I was not, and had the patience of a saint in dealing with this teen with a disability. She is now brainwashed.
In between the incidents I describe, there is just too much to tell, but it was daily lies from someone. I handled it for many years. Then I was assaulted and full ptsd kicked in. Now I cant really trust anyone. I just had a new lock installed on my back door. It has a 4 digit combo, and tonight it would not work. I became almost panicked and considered my husband did it or changed the combo to screw with my head. Thats what people have done, they have screwed with my head and I am defensive alot. It turned out that it needed a new battery. But it brought a panic attack on before this was discovered. My life seems consumed with doing everything at least twice. I almost feel paranoid.
I just cant have full trust in anyone. It is awful. But when something comes up that I get a feeling I might be being toyed with, it sometimes brings on a panic attack. I even jump to conclusions, then my head spins trying to figure out if there is another explaination (attempt to give other benefit of doubt). When I cant reason it out, I panic.
I just wonder if lack of trust triggers panic for others? And if so, what do you do?
It is horrible that there are so many deceptive people that can leave us in such a position, but since that wont change, I want to learn how to.
Years later, she stopped payment on a check and made up a story that it was accidental and a bank misunderstanding. When I got proof, she had to admit. One daughter married a mormon, and they accused me of being abusive-I was not, and had the patience of a saint in dealing with this teen with a disability. She is now brainwashed.
In between the incidents I describe, there is just too much to tell, but it was daily lies from someone. I handled it for many years. Then I was assaulted and full ptsd kicked in. Now I cant really trust anyone. I just had a new lock installed on my back door. It has a 4 digit combo, and tonight it would not work. I became almost panicked and considered my husband did it or changed the combo to screw with my head. Thats what people have done, they have screwed with my head and I am defensive alot. It turned out that it needed a new battery. But it brought a panic attack on before this was discovered. My life seems consumed with doing everything at least twice. I almost feel paranoid.
I just cant have full trust in anyone. It is awful. But when something comes up that I get a feeling I might be being toyed with, it sometimes brings on a panic attack. I even jump to conclusions, then my head spins trying to figure out if there is another explaination (attempt to give other benefit of doubt). When I cant reason it out, I panic.
I just wonder if lack of trust triggers panic for others? And if so, what do you do?
It is horrible that there are so many deceptive people that can leave us in such a position, but since that wont change, I want to learn how to.
