Thread: money, therapy, anxiety, panic...omg

[Deleted member 37474]

My chest hurts. Simmering stress. Stomach in a knot. Feel desperate, like my upcoming Therapy is life or death for me to be a contributing member to my family or really just to stay human. So the money I keep in my business account... trying to save just enough to be able to pay $60 copays for the rest of the summer til school starts and my income rises. Both cars, major work. Mine.. a new engine, his, major brakes repair. $4000. He asks me to use my account to pay. The $700 brakes bill. I can't breathe. I feel like I have no control. I gave up a contracted job this summer that pays $800 because they wanted to meet with me after 4 years because there was a "problem" and my answers would determine whether I keep it. I was too scared to meet alone with this man and possibly be reprimanded for who knows what. They never said anything all year, so why the meeting now, in summer when I would be alone? I feel like I need someone to slap me across the face and say, "calm the f*ck down!" Have at it. Anything to help dig me out of this mental hole.

 

[ladee]

Calm the f*ck down !!!! Ok, did it sound different coming from someone else...??? I feel where you are in your healing, your reactions are normal... and just because he asked, does not mean you have to say yes... that money is for you to become the member of the family your heart desires you to be... you CAN say NO... with legitimate reasons.....

Find some ways to ground yourself.... take this situation to your T, it is not the end of life as we know it... it is an obstacle, you are going to face these the rest of your life... and you are going to learn to calm yourself down, think things thru, and make good choices.... have a tiny bit of faith in yourself,, even if it doesn't feel real... we all have to start somewhere.....

Don't know how to link you to Distorted Cognition's here, but look them up... that will help you to see what you are doing to yourself.... and find a loving and caring way to calm yourself.... we do it, we learn how... just as you are doing..... you can do this... yes, you really can !!

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Calm the f*ck down !!!! Ok, did it sound different coming from someone else...??? I feel where you are in...

New therapist in 2 weeks. I don't know why mine thought that it was okay for me to see her every week for 10 weeks and then tell me to switch, but give me no transition and just stop cold turkey for a month. Whatever... we really only have "one money" in my family. My business account is just where I get paid from my customers. So it is not unreasonable for my husband to request us to use that money, he is the giver. I am the one that needs to feel like I have control over something. He keeps telling me that therapy and car repair are not linked, but I can't stop hearing something he doesn't remember saying in the spring. We were talking about finances while drinking and he said that to pay for our daughters car, my therapy may have to go on the back burner for awhile. He swears he didn't say that, but he did, and my mind panics anytime I think about our money shortage. I also keep reminding him how important this is, he has no clue the depth of this (my last t told me that.) I think he is catching on. Thank you for your support. It actually helped to have someone say "calm the f*ck down" to me. I really don't know why.

 

[ladee]

Because it meant you were heard... you had a legitimate request, and I answered....

And with out trying to sound hard and uncaring here, it really doesn't matter if your husband 'gets' it or not.... you KNOW you need therapy. And he didn't make an 'unreasonable request'.... but you still have the right to say NO, I need that money for thereapy.... you don't need anyones permission to get healthy.... no need to revictimize yourself simply because he hasn't caught on yet... just my two cents... take what you need and leave the rest.... said with care and support tho a bit blunt...