Tips for Building In-Person Community?

Just wondering. I'm feeling really lonely these days, because I'm in a new country without my usual support system. I work, but most of that work is independent and doesn't bring me in contact with others. I'm also feeling at a loss of how to build a new community in middle-age. I'm making progress but it is slow and I know that I won't be best friends with people overnight.

I'm curious if anyone has any really concrete tips here. The country I'm in isn't very friendly, so even if I go to a coffee shop/library/etc no one will actually speak to me and it is very weird for me to try to speak to others. So I need other strategies. I recently joined a class at the gym and that's been some nice and benign social interaction and who knows, maybe something will blossom there. But I need more than just two hours of interaction with others a week. Any advice? I can't just spend all my time and money on trying out different types of classes on the off chance I might meet a friend, but that also has seemed to be the only way I DO meet friends .... help please?
 
I'm curious if anyone has any really concrete tips here.
Passion, curiosity, inclusion… energy that excites.

The country I'm in isn't very friendly, so even if I go to a coffee shop/library/etc no one will actually speak to me and it is very weird for me to try to speak to others.
The UK (for example), is SUPER “clubby”. Talking to someone on the street? Gets met with “Why the f*ck is this person talking to me?!?” But join a club? And everyone is talking with everyone else, not JUST about what the club is about, but other interests. And finding points of commonality, and inviting people home for meals, days, weekends, weeks, vacations abroad, etc.

Italy, meanwhile, is almost the reverse… Not quite, but almost.

Where are you? Where are you from?
 
empathy, rainbow. i am 5 years into a similar position, starting at age 65. i don't have the immigrant factor to deal with, but my age often feels like a visa is required for me to participate in local communities. i moved to my current location in order to rescue 3 young orphans (currently 11, 8 and 5). the children feel like a visa of sorts, but? ? ? WTF is a playdate? how do i get a QR Code for THAT? ironically, my 3 orphans effectively ban me from my age peer communities. children are filthy little germ bags, doncha know?
I'm making progress but it is slow and I know that I won't be best friends with people overnight.
i couldn't have described my own approach more eloquently. at 70, i still don't understand the mysteries of friendship, but being friendly keeps me engaged. still. . . i wouldn't mind a few shortcuts, if you happen across any.
 
The UK (for example), is SUPER “clubby”. Talking to someone on the street? Gets met with “Why the f*ck is this person talking to me?!?”
Too true 🤣🤣 the only time it’s acceptable to talk to a random stranger is if you are both in the pub and commiserating about how utterly crap your shared team is playing!


I would say in the UK join things you like doing, because you are starting on a shared interest for conversation.
 
The UK (for example), is SUPER “clubby”. Talking to someone on the street? Gets met with “Why the f*ck is this person talking to me?!?”
Only in the South of England! My partner is northern and my ex partner from northern Ireland and both speak to random strangers!
join a club?
But yes, clubs are great ways.
Book club? Running club? Any other exercise club? Crafts? Etc etc.

Also, is there a self employed network you can join? When I was fully self employed I took myself out for 'work dos' with other friends who were also solo working.
 
We had some luck meeting new friends on the app Bumble
I might check this out, although I tend to be frightened of apps like this ...
Also, is there a self employed network you can join?
I will look into this. This might be a good start. I tried to get a remote-work group together through my job, but it just fizzled out and was mostly young people complaining, which just added to my stress instead of diminishing it.

I'm working towards being fit enough to join a run club. I think that would be a good thing for me, but right now the one in my neighborhood runs about 5 miles, and I'm only up to running 2. So, I think that's a bit of a longer goal as I continue to build fitness.

Where are you? Where are you from?
I'm from the US, but .... not in the US. Part of what I struggle with is that I am not 100% fluent in the local language, plus the cultural codes are different, so this, combined with the isolation of my job, makes for a very lonely Rainbow.
 
I'm working towards being fit enough to join a run club. I think that would be a good thing for me, but right now the one in my neighborhood runs about 5 miles, and I'm only up to running 2. So, I think that's a bit of a longer goal as I continue to build fitness.
If running is your thing, would you consider volunteering on race aid stations or start/finish? Lots of people to meet and chat to there.
 
I recommend volunteering -for events, community festivals, even things like cleaning a beach with a group of locals for example. Volunteers tend to talk to each other and involve each other in other events. Also, it gives you common topics you can talk about with other volunteers. For me this is the best way to make friends in a new place and it attracts other newcomers or people who actively want to befriend others. In a coffee shop maybe most people already have a lot of social contacts - volunteering attracts a different crowd.
 
If running is your thing,
I'm not sure if running is my thing. It is a thing I do, because I was tired of being out of shape. And the only time I ran a race was 24 years ago! So I'm not even sure how races work, haha.
I recommend volunteering
I looked into this a while back but the only places I could find wanted people fluent in the local language. I'm still working on that -- I speak at a high B2 level, but still only speak English fluently, which apparently disqualifies me from most volunteer jobs here which is super frustrating.

PS thank you all for your brilliant advice so far!
 
I’m in the same boat. My wife and I moved to a different state and then she decided we needed to live apart. In the past in such situations I would look for drop in hiking groups. I met several people because you walk and talk for hours. I have also volunteered to different organizations.
 
I’m in the same boat. My wife and I moved to a different state and then she decided we needed to live apart. In the past in such situations I would look for drop in hiking groups. I met several people because you walk and talk for hours. I have also volunteered to different organizations.
Hiking and day trip groups in nature would probably introduce you to variety of people
 

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