I believe in God and most of my life when things have been out of control I could give things to him and pick myself up and move forward. I have been divorced a couple times and for some reason picked two men very abusive. In 2004 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had many surgeries and had a permanent IV line sen into my Jugular vein. After so many years of fighting this disease my husband couldn't take it anymore and obtained drugs from other sources and pushed them through mu IV as I slept almost killing me, We went through attempted murder investigation for nine months with him walking free with the DA saying their wasn't enough evidence that proved he was the one pushing the drugs in the IV lines. I went through counseling but this affected me and my three children greatly.
You would think this would be enough but as I try to improve my life and get off SSI and still handle the brain tumor I have encountered 3 severe accidents one I broke my L4 the next I broke my neck in my C1 and damaged my brain stem ending up for about a half of year in assisted living and much rehabilitation and then last year caught in a weird avalanche and I wasn't out playing in the snow. I just recently tried to go back to college to try and better myself and things just keep going wrong, maybe I haven't really dealt with things as well as I thought, my mind processes don't work so well, etc.
Well this past Friday I was driving and the car in front of me was swerving everywhere finally leaving the road when it over-corrected and a young girls body was thrown from the car as the car began rolling and ending up back on the road. I ran to her side yet she was dead, I felt for a pulse and there was nothing, soon after I was able to assess what injuries I could two men showed up and helped roll her over and I began chest compressions. The girl never came back and died technically at the scene but we continued CPR until the ambulance got there 15 minutes later and she was pronounced dead at the hospital.
So you would think with all I have been through I could handle this, wrong, I can't sleep, and when I do drift I see the accident and the CPR over and over again and keep wondering what I could have done differently. I do not know what I could have done differently for this 19 year old sweet beautiful little lady. I feel numb. I am getting tired, life doesn't seem to let up.
I was a single mother for 14 years, now I am an empty nester on SSDI and it feels the harder I try the farther I get behind and now numbness for life is setting in and I feel to young for this to be the way I feel.
You would think this would be enough but as I try to improve my life and get off SSI and still handle the brain tumor I have encountered 3 severe accidents one I broke my L4 the next I broke my neck in my C1 and damaged my brain stem ending up for about a half of year in assisted living and much rehabilitation and then last year caught in a weird avalanche and I wasn't out playing in the snow. I just recently tried to go back to college to try and better myself and things just keep going wrong, maybe I haven't really dealt with things as well as I thought, my mind processes don't work so well, etc.
Well this past Friday I was driving and the car in front of me was swerving everywhere finally leaving the road when it over-corrected and a young girls body was thrown from the car as the car began rolling and ending up back on the road. I ran to her side yet she was dead, I felt for a pulse and there was nothing, soon after I was able to assess what injuries I could two men showed up and helped roll her over and I began chest compressions. The girl never came back and died technically at the scene but we continued CPR until the ambulance got there 15 minutes later and she was pronounced dead at the hospital.
So you would think with all I have been through I could handle this, wrong, I can't sleep, and when I do drift I see the accident and the CPR over and over again and keep wondering what I could have done differently. I do not know what I could have done differently for this 19 year old sweet beautiful little lady. I feel numb. I am getting tired, life doesn't seem to let up.
I was a single mother for 14 years, now I am an empty nester on SSDI and it feels the harder I try the farther I get behind and now numbness for life is setting in and I feel to young for this to be the way I feel.
