To those who've been here over five years

[Sandstone]

Why aren't you better?

Serious question - plenty of people apply all the tools and get better.

 

[somerandomguy]

That's probably a very good question asked very rudely.

In my case, I didn't start seriously working on my trauma until years and years after I was diagnosed.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am better. PTSD is managed, not cured. Why do you assume we aren't better than we were? I come here to offer help, to find better management tools, to connect with others who understand my illness, and visit friends. Why aren't you better? Did you mean to sound so rude?

 

[Sandstone]

I wasn't being rude, I was asking the same question I ask myself, in the same way. There is no word of criticism in what I wrote, so you may be being oversensitive.

I suspect that most of the honest answers will fall into one of the two categories you have identified - those who didn't do the work, or those who have and stay for social connections. I'm in the first group.

 

[barefoot]

I haven’t been here quite that long - just over four years - but will answer anyway!

I think I have got in my own way a lot. I was terrified in therapy for ages - frightened, untrusting, shutdown, avoidant and dissociative. If I’d have been able to be more open and more present there, I think I’d have been further along than I am.

That said, I think I am quite a bit better than when I first joined here. I now have a much better understanding of what’s going on with me; I’m no longer in such denial (most of the time!) about PTSD and my traumas; I don’t dissociate as frequently or as severely; when I get triggered I can now more easily recognise that’s what’s going on and do something about it; I can generally ground/regulate myself more quickly and effectively; I am more able to communicate with my partner about some of this stuff; I have got better at managing some triggering situations/environments eg medical procedures/settings...

My first traumas were when I was a child. I didn’t breathe a word about them to anyone until I told my therapist around about the time I joined here. 25 plus years it was my secret. I don’t know if that makes a difference - the amount of time you have suppressed things/not spoken of them/been in denial? The amount of time therefore before you realise there is something to work on and then actually start that work?

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, Ido think the reasons for not doing the work can be complex and often related to the experiences that got us here in the first place.

I don’t know if that makes a difference - the amount of time you have suppressed things/not spoken of them/been in denial?

Perhaps being able to suppress things so efficiently reduces the sense of urgency? I can conceal most of my symptoms, so I'm not bothering anybody

 

[Justmehere]

I suspect that most of the honest answers will fall into one of the two categories you have identified those who didn't do the work, or those who have and stay for social connections. I'm in the first group.

Looking at if one is doing work to recovery is important. But I caution against assuming someone else still has PTSD because they didn't try hard enough or do enough work.

Serious question - plenty of people apply all the tools and get better.

Getting better is sometimes more complex than "apply tools = recover from PTSD." Sometimes it works that way, sometimes it doesn't. Recovery isn't always a straight line. PTSD is often cyclical. Sometimes it's about increasing the good days and times. Personally, for me, I can and do apply tools all day long, and I still have PTSD. For others, they recover without application of lots of tools.

Maybe a more useful question: What is holding you back from doing what you have identified you need to do to get better?

 

[Tinyflame]

I suspect that most of the honest answers will fall into one of the two categories you have identified - those who didn't do the work, or those who have and stay for social connections.

Are there any options other than 2 extremes of willfully (or because of denial) avoiding the truth or not doing any thing about it, and not progressing ('failure'), (and social connection being deemed 'progress'?)

I can conceal most of my symptoms, so I'm not bothering anybody

But that's faking being healthy, not getting healthy. ^^ Healthy counts for you, too, no matter who sees.

 

[Sandstone]

Are there any options other than 2 extremes

I don't know - that's why I'm asking. On my part it is mainly lack of effort, but surely there can't be that many lazy people?

Healthy counts for you, too,

But I was more motivated when i could see I was doing harm to my family. Now that I don't bother them, it is easy to sit in stasis

 

[Druidcat]

Because everyone's definition of "better" is different. Just because one person achieves a certain level of life does not mean everyone should be expected to. Wellness and becoming better are both journeys, not destinations. And journeys are not linear, either. Sometimes we have setbacks, sometimes we gain ground quickly. It's easy to view our own journeys and judge other peoples by that standard, but there really isn't such a thing. We each get "better" in our own time. Even the term, better, is not a final term. There is worse and best. :) Also, we each have a different starting point. No one knows where we have been, how far we have come.

 

[Tinyflame]

but surely there can't be that many lazy people

Can you think of any explanations that aren't an attack on someone or your own's character? Because the term lazy is a judgmental one, meant to infer consciously or unconsciously a moral choice in the matter. And failure. Can you find a term maybe more accurate, and less putting down of yourself, or less critical, of self or others?

I can only say, in 'my' estimation I have failed. In other's feedback to me (Thank God), neither I nor my efforts have been a failure. That I shall choose to hold on to, and keep trying, because it beats my own or others abusive talk to me.

 

[Muttly]

Well, I have only been here for 3 years but been doing the work, sincerely, for over 5. I guess there are two ways to interpret "better". One is that you are cured and symptom free. The other is that you have improved.

For me, I am much better in many ways than I was. I have made so many changes in my life. I have cut ties with my crazy, abusive bio family. I have stopped dating people who treat me like dirt. I have transitioned my gender. I have left my old job that was making me miserable and burning me out, and started the career I always wanted. I have also had two surgeries, had some other injuries and health problems and encountered significant financial challenges. I'm sure if you read my posts right now, I don't seem better. I am very symptomatic... and thinking about that, there is a time in the past when I was have been deep into an eating disorder, self-injuring like mad and chronically suicidal. So again, I am better, but there's room for improvement.

As far as you not doing the work, what would motivate you to do it?