Tomorrow Is The Last One

[Nicolette]

Since a triggering traumatic event in a small country town in 2009 I have been on medication.

While initially it helped I found that when more and more things went pear-shaped like being sick last year and all its consequences, nothing much changed. Yes, I think the medication assisted in stopping me from throwing up and not being able to walk out the door to go to work but my ability to think like I initially could was affected. I thought it was my state from the event and didn't attribute it to the medication.

After more life hiccups I was prescribed a higher dosage earlier this year. I got a huge shock after taking the increased dosage when, one day, for the life of me, despite being great with figures and accuracy, I could not see a mistake I had made as the numbers and words on the screen looked like what I had to copy off the paper but they weren't.:eek: Then and there I decided enough was enough...... so I started cutting back my medication slowly as it was the only other factor I could identify as being a problem.

As I missed my 6 weekly medical appointment I just kept working towards my goal of weaning myself off the medication, suffering the withdrawal symptoms. I went for my re-booked medical appointment on Wednesday (4 weeks down the track from the missed one)and I was then given support with my decision. It was finally recognised that the medication was actually making me more depressed. Yes I'm still stressed and suffering anxiety at times but I can get out that door now without the medication and it feels like my brain works like it used to. I am back dealing with many issues and with my mind coping, not being a fuzz with the inability to make a decision or concentrate.

Yes I have sought help during this time and have made some decisions I haven't like making but it's great having my mind back even if stressed out.

Tomorrow morning I talk my last half of a half tablet after just over 3 years of being medicated as prescribed - not choice...... I did it! :tup:

The moral of my story - is a doctor knows so much but you know your own body and need listen to it. Medication may assist but you have to do the work to fix the problem, which I did, however it becomes easy to become trapped in the system of believing the medication is the solution and it isn't always.

 

[Red Feather]

Thank you Nicolette for sharing this. I am having side effects issues with some of my medication. I sincerely wish I could get off of my meds. I am taking Amitryptilin which helps with my anxiety and Risperidon which should help with my Dissocations. One day I didn't take the Amitryptilin and the next I was so unwell. So I had to convince myself to keep on taking it. My doctor precribed me Risperidon several weeks ago, but I have hated taking it. It seemed to be reducing my appetite aside from other side effects, and last night I had such a terrible stomach flu.

I thought it might be due to the meds and called my doctor if I could get off the Risperidon. Although it did help me reduce my dissociative episodes, I just don't like it. But now my doctor wants to send me another prescription for another medicine. I feel trapped in a way. I have only been taking medication since March, so maybe I should keep on taking them. But I have the impression I am unconsciously rebelling against the meds, and I just wish I go med-free soon. Can I ask you what you were taking?

 

[Nicolette]

Nadia I was given a variety of SSRI's at the start and I found with most I was sick within 24 hours and, despite being insistent that I continue to take for a longer period of time to allow for adjustment, I just knew they were bad for me and refused to take them. They then tried a different family - Moclobemide and it was fine as I built up my dosage but I only ever reached just over half of what was prescribed taking 175mg of a 300mg amount. I found the minute I went passed 175mg my mind couldn't function. Stupidly this time I persisted longer with less side effects from the increase but lasted 2 weeks at the most on the higher dosage.

One thing I have learned from all my rare allergic reactions last year is that doctors prescribe based on normal tolerance and an average - my constitution doesn't cope and I now listen to it despite what the doctors say and will disagree with them if my body tells me otherwise.

 

[Red Feather]

I guess I don't feel strong enough to disagree with my doctor. He is a good doctor and takes his time. I feel a little guilty for not wanting to take the med's he prescribed. He is now on vacation for a whole month. Already I took less then what was prescribed to me, and lied to him about it. :oops: I don't think it is a good idea to lie. I am not going to do it again. Because he has different information now.

But I told him on the phone today that I didn't want to keep taking the Risperidon, so he agreed to take me off of it completely. I think the biggest stress factor is that I have to stay medicated so to get more stable, and be able to see my kids regularly. It is always triggering when I have to say goodbye to them. I would rather do breathing excercises and yoga etc, to help deal with the anxiety, but because I have to be so fit regularly to see them I feel it is too much of a risk to go off of them altogether. Thanks again for sharing this. I hope it is possible to do the same too!

 

[Srain]

Great job Nicolette!! :tup::)

 

[Nicolette]

Pity it took 3 years Rain but I guess you can't help life hitting you time after time... onwards and upwards, time for some good luck :)

 

[intothelight]

Nicolette,

Great job for knowing your own body, and trusting yourself enough to listen to it and doing what is best for you!

I hope you continue to feel better as the residuals wear off.

Deb

 

[piratelady]

That's great that you were able to realize the cause and that you are doing what you need to :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Glad you are feeling better Nicolette! (((((Nicolette)))))

Maybe that's what people mean- as you described- about posts and grammar etc, sometimes they ('we') just can't see the mistakes.

 

[Nicolette]

Just throwing the remainder of the medication in the bin!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

So happy for you Nicolette. I am glad you trusted your body to do the right thing. I am on meds to stabalize me and I have no side affects. Since I am a caregiver for my husband I need to be stable so I will take what help is offered to me. When I am in therapy after I am done with my emdr, I will revisit getting off some of the meds. I do not know if I am ready yet. I will have to wait and see.

I continually read about people having bad side affects to their medication. I do not have any. So I stay on them for now. I guess I am lucky. I am afraid to go off my medication. It is helping me. Before she wanted to hospitalize me. I cannot do that being a caregiver. So I just count my blessings that my meds work to help me out for now. Hope this makes sense. Sorry to digress. Congratulations on going without your meds.

 

[Nicolette]

I've been on a bit of a roller coaster emotionally since taking the last tablet - I was told there would be side effects to still go through even going off the small dose. Anthony has been great as I know I've been a pain in the butt some days. :whistling: