I have been thinking about posting here for a while now, but since my abuse certainly didn't seem nearly as bad as most people I just didn't want to bother believing it was worth talking about. Anyhow things are certainly coming to a head or so it seems, so now I know I have to get some feedback on what others think about my situation and what I should do or not do.
Anyhow, I am a 48 year old male with 3 older sisters and one older brother. Ever since I can remember I have had memories of my dad washing my genitals in the bath when I was very young probably around 6-7 years old. I certainly don't remember being aroused by it, so I didn't have any guilt issues or sexual orientation issues surrounding it. However I would certainly question my dads orientation at times, and often would wonder whether he was enjoying it somehow, since he didn't just do it for a few seconds, or was more like a few minutes what I remember.
Anyway I have had a history of serious problems throughout my life, problems at school when I was young, and ended up getting involved with drinking and drugs at a young age, and had addiction issues most of my life, but am doing much better now.
I also had some sexual issues myself, and became a voyeur for several years, then got into exhibitionism after that became too risky and tiring. For some reason I didn't feel too badly about exposing myself most of the time, since I honestly thought many of my flashees seemd to enjoy it. I am heterosexual by the way so all my flashees were women.
Anyhow at one point soon after I was arrested for voyeurism I believe about 20 years ago, while I was talking to my sister on the phone and trying to defend myself from her verbal attacks, I just threw out the fact that I had memories of my dad washing my genitals in the shower. Well that made her even more upset, and she called me a liar it didn't happen to her, and nobody else in the family said anything like that she said. Well the next day when I saw my dad he gave me the look of death and told me I would pay a very heavy price for this one day. I think I told him then that I wasn't sure he molested me, I just said I had these memories, but I don't think that helped much. I wanted to believe he didn't do anything wrong but his absolute defiance has made me question him even more.
Anyhow fast forward 20 years later, I now have an invention which people who try it are so impressed they are giving some really super positive testimonials so I have good reason to believe I am going to be quite wealthy and famous soon. It is a health related device so I feel quite proud of it, since I think it will help many people deal with their pain in a very substantial way.
However my fathers reaction to it has been quite mixed it seems. He has told me on a few occasions he would be happy if I have some major success with it, yet when I send him emails which I also address to my mom thinking he would show her, apparently he hasn't been showing them to her at all. I can hardly believe this since a few of these testimonials have been incredibly strong suggesting this device is going to be huge and able to help "vast numbers of people" reduce the pain they have. I sent him an email saying I wasn't too happy to hear he wasn't showing my mom these emails, since that is what she told me the other night. I had also asked for my aunts' address a few times since she has a bad shoulder and could really benefit from this device, but he never even bothered responding to my email.
One of my sisters visited them last week, and apparently he only showed her one of the video testimonials I sent, and since the guy in the video was named Paul, and I used to have a friend named Paul, they thought maybe it was him. She said he never showed her the super positive written testimonials that I had sent though. I'm not sure I believe anything she says though.
Anyhow it is so incredibly difficult to feel so abandoned by my family when I honestly thought they might finally realize that I'm not as useless as they once thought, and they would suddenly be very proud of me for my achievements, but instead I just get the feeling I will never be forgiven for the things I have done, and perhaps even more for the accusation I made against my father.
It is getting to the point where I am ready to say that when I get wealthy or make any substantial amount of money the first thing I want to do is get a lie detector test to show that I was not making this story up. I really did not want it to come to this, I was willing to just forget about it all, and hope they would forgive me for the things I did myself, but I don't see things going that way. By the way my mother seems to kind of be sitting on the fence, since she is sort of supporting him but still wants to keep her relationship with me wand we talk on the phone almost every day. My father on the other hand is nearly deaf, and can barely carry on a conversation on the phone, perhaps it is best like this anyhow considering the circumstances.
Any opinions are greatly appreciated, but I think I should add that I really have changed my behaviours in the last few years, and now I just want to live a normal life. I even have a lady who I haven't been out with yet, but I think she has some feelings for me too, and I think we just might get together sometime very soon.
Anyhow, I am a 48 year old male with 3 older sisters and one older brother. Ever since I can remember I have had memories of my dad washing my genitals in the bath when I was very young probably around 6-7 years old. I certainly don't remember being aroused by it, so I didn't have any guilt issues or sexual orientation issues surrounding it. However I would certainly question my dads orientation at times, and often would wonder whether he was enjoying it somehow, since he didn't just do it for a few seconds, or was more like a few minutes what I remember.
Anyway I have had a history of serious problems throughout my life, problems at school when I was young, and ended up getting involved with drinking and drugs at a young age, and had addiction issues most of my life, but am doing much better now.
I also had some sexual issues myself, and became a voyeur for several years, then got into exhibitionism after that became too risky and tiring. For some reason I didn't feel too badly about exposing myself most of the time, since I honestly thought many of my flashees seemd to enjoy it. I am heterosexual by the way so all my flashees were women.
Anyhow at one point soon after I was arrested for voyeurism I believe about 20 years ago, while I was talking to my sister on the phone and trying to defend myself from her verbal attacks, I just threw out the fact that I had memories of my dad washing my genitals in the shower. Well that made her even more upset, and she called me a liar it didn't happen to her, and nobody else in the family said anything like that she said. Well the next day when I saw my dad he gave me the look of death and told me I would pay a very heavy price for this one day. I think I told him then that I wasn't sure he molested me, I just said I had these memories, but I don't think that helped much. I wanted to believe he didn't do anything wrong but his absolute defiance has made me question him even more.
Anyhow fast forward 20 years later, I now have an invention which people who try it are so impressed they are giving some really super positive testimonials so I have good reason to believe I am going to be quite wealthy and famous soon. It is a health related device so I feel quite proud of it, since I think it will help many people deal with their pain in a very substantial way.
However my fathers reaction to it has been quite mixed it seems. He has told me on a few occasions he would be happy if I have some major success with it, yet when I send him emails which I also address to my mom thinking he would show her, apparently he hasn't been showing them to her at all. I can hardly believe this since a few of these testimonials have been incredibly strong suggesting this device is going to be huge and able to help "vast numbers of people" reduce the pain they have. I sent him an email saying I wasn't too happy to hear he wasn't showing my mom these emails, since that is what she told me the other night. I had also asked for my aunts' address a few times since she has a bad shoulder and could really benefit from this device, but he never even bothered responding to my email.
One of my sisters visited them last week, and apparently he only showed her one of the video testimonials I sent, and since the guy in the video was named Paul, and I used to have a friend named Paul, they thought maybe it was him. She said he never showed her the super positive written testimonials that I had sent though. I'm not sure I believe anything she says though.
Anyhow it is so incredibly difficult to feel so abandoned by my family when I honestly thought they might finally realize that I'm not as useless as they once thought, and they would suddenly be very proud of me for my achievements, but instead I just get the feeling I will never be forgiven for the things I have done, and perhaps even more for the accusation I made against my father.
It is getting to the point where I am ready to say that when I get wealthy or make any substantial amount of money the first thing I want to do is get a lie detector test to show that I was not making this story up. I really did not want it to come to this, I was willing to just forget about it all, and hope they would forgive me for the things I did myself, but I don't see things going that way. By the way my mother seems to kind of be sitting on the fence, since she is sort of supporting him but still wants to keep her relationship with me wand we talk on the phone almost every day. My father on the other hand is nearly deaf, and can barely carry on a conversation on the phone, perhaps it is best like this anyhow considering the circumstances.
Any opinions are greatly appreciated, but I think I should add that I really have changed my behaviours in the last few years, and now I just want to live a normal life. I even have a lady who I haven't been out with yet, but I think she has some feelings for me too, and I think we just might get together sometime very soon.
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