Trauma Regarding My Daughter

[willow158]

Hello. I’m currently experiencing major trauma and PTSD. Six years ago, I fled with my daughter, who is now 15, from her abusive father (and his abusive wife), and the corrupt and abusive court system. My daughter was trafficked and taken away from me illegally to begin with. I was arrested in May, and my daughter witnessed this. She is back to living with her abusive father and his wife. We are back in court. I haven’t talked to, or seen, my daughter since then. We are very close and have a strong special bond. She is terrified of her father, and I know is being traumatized. I heard that she is consistently telling her therapist she wants to see me. But they are ignoring her.

I have just seen recent photos of her that her father’s wife posted on social media. She looks dissociated and traumatized. I kind of wish I didn’t see these.

I have been struggling with health issues - heavy metal toxicity, and other issues, which have been causing a lot of memory and emotional issues. Along with brain inflammation. I’m working with a practitioner to address these.

So with the trauma of not being able to talk to, or see, my daughter, or being able to protect her from harm, and my health issues.. I feel like I’m falling apart. I have bad insomnia and intense anxiety. I can’t stop worrying about her. Periodically I have panic attacks. My headaches are intense. I can’t function throughout the day. All of my close friends are in another state. I’m seeing a therapist, weekly, but she can only do so much. My criminal charge is going to be resolved soon, and that part is looking very good for me. But that’s low on my mind and priority - My daughter is Number 1.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t know how I can go on like this, without being able to have contact with my daughter. There’s no resolution in the near future because of the corrupt court system. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world, and would do anything for her.

 

[Friday]

You gave your daughter 6 years of freedom. She’s old enough now she could go the legal route to emancipation.

I went the opposite route. My son was old enough I figured I had maaaaaybe 6mo before he forgave and reached out to his father, at which point I’d be in prison & he’d be abused 24/7/365.

You’re probably one of the very few people who can understand how much I REGRET that choice.

Nearly 7 years of handing him over, week in and week out, to be abused. Powerless to do anything about it. Even if my ex put him in the hospital, hooked up to machines in the PICU, guaranteed by the courts his “parenting time”. With police escort. As the hospital kept wanting him (my ex) thrown out. The police hating it. CPS hating it. Me hating it. My child blaming himself. The courts insisting. Wealthy dad/lawyers gaming an already broken system. (All he had to do was confess each attack or attempted murder, in family court & criminal court wouldn’t prosecute; as the DA lost one double jeopardy case repeated in criminal court from the family courts, he wouldn’t take on another. Unless he could try for murder… as my city voted ALL domestic violence cases involving children must be seen FIRST in family court… who have no power to imprison. Only to order counseling. Or pay fines. Or supervison. Have an adult with no criminal record in the house? Check. Unlimited funds? Check. Already in counseling? Check. Okay! You’re already doing everyhing we would ask. .) CPS tried for YEARS to get custody revoked, but all my ex’s continued attacks on our child did? Was to prove “willingness to comply” with court mandates. Broken fawking system.

The ONLY upside were the police, who hated being used in intimidation games (ex kept trying to get me or our son arrested) but we became so well known to them, that they’d come over and “Heya lady! Hi sport! How y’all doing?” at mine, and refuse to file charges on a bloody/bruised kid whose dad wanted him arrested for assault (fighting back), and bring him to my house, instead. And then passed the word to other jurisdictions when my ex moved, and kid had grown 2 feet & 100lbs, that this wasn’t an outta control teenager, but brutal dad playing the same games on them he’d tried to play elsewhere. As kind, frustrated, and near powerless as the police were?. I STILL get lightning bolts up my spine every time that slow roll of tires pass. Just waiting on the notification of death. Even though it’s been years, now. Even then, when my son was with me. Even if it’s just the mail truck, or Uber driver.

Waking up, every day, having to decide all over again whether or not to just go kill my ex to stop it. The only thing -truly- stopping me, the stats on abused kids are sooooo much better than kids who have one parent in prison for killing the other. And how f*cked up is that?

You made the right choice.

I regret, every day of my life, that I didn’t take my kid and run.

The only thing that kept me halfway sane during those years?

“He will come back to me, or I will unleash hell.”

She will come back to you.

 

[Bamma]

Hello. I’m currently experiencing major trauma and PTSD. Six years ago, I fled with my daughter, who is now 15, from her abusive father (and his abusive wife), and the corrupt and abusive court system. My daughter was trafficked and taken away from me illegally to begin with. I was arrested in May, and my daughter witnessed this. She is back to living with her abusive father and his wife. We are back in court. I haven’t talked to, or seen, my daughter since then. We are very close and have a strong special bond. She is terrified of her father, and I know is being traumatized. I heard that she is consistently telling her therapist she wants to see me. But they are ignoring her.

I have just seen recent photos of her that her father’s wife posted on social media. She looks dissociated and traumatized. I kind of wish I didn’t see these.

I have been struggling with health issues - heavy metal toxicity, and other issues, which have been causing a lot of memory and emotional issues. Along with brain inflammation. I’m working with a practitioner to address these.

So with the trauma of not being able to talk to, or see, my daughter, or being able to protect her from harm, and my health issues.. I feel like I’m falling apart. I have bad insomnia and intense anxiety. I can’t stop worrying about her. Periodically I have panic attacks. My headaches are intense. I can’t function throughout the day. All of my close friends are in another state. I’m seeing a therapist, weekly, but she can only do so much. My criminal charge is going to be resolved soon, and that part is looking very good for me. But that’s low on my mind and priority - My daughter is Number 1.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t know how I can go on like this, without being able to have contact with my daughter. There’s no resolution in the near future because of the corrupt court system. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world, and would do anything for her.

Hi. My heart breaks for you. There are online support groups for alienated parents. Maybe can offer a tiny bit of comfort? I'm concerned that it sounds like you don't have a support system nearby.

 

[glittermoon28]

Hello. I’m currently experiencing major trauma and PTSD. Six years ago, I fled with my daughter, who is now 15, from her abusive father (and his abusive wife), and the corrupt and abusive court system. My daughter was trafficked and taken away from me illegally to begin with. I was arrested in May, and my daughter witnessed this. She is back to living with her abusive father and his wife. We are back in court. I haven’t talked to, or seen, my daughter since then. We are very close and have a strong special bond. She is terrified of her father, and I know is being traumatized. I heard that she is consistently telling her therapist she wants to see me. But they are ignoring her.

I have just seen recent photos of her that her father’s wife posted on social media. She looks dissociated and traumatized. I kind of wish I didn’t see these.

I have been struggling with health issues - heavy metal toxicity, and other issues, which have been causing a lot of memory and emotional issues. Along with brain inflammation. I’m working with a practitioner to address these.

So with the trauma of not being able to talk to, or see, my daughter, or being able to protect her from harm, and my health issues.. I feel like I’m falling apart. I have bad insomnia and intense anxiety. I can’t stop worrying about her. Periodically I have panic attacks. My headaches are intense. I can’t function throughout the day. All of my close friends are in another state. I’m seeing a therapist, weekly, but she can only do so much. My criminal charge is going to be resolved soon, and that part is looking very good for me. But that’s low on my mind and priority - My daughter is Number 1.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t know how I can go on like this, without being able to have contact with my daughter. There’s no resolution in the near future because of the corrupt court system. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world, and would do anything for her.

What were you arrested for?