Bees Are Awesome
Silver Member
I live in the US but thousands of miles away from most of my family. My grandma is very ill and the doctor has said he expects her to live no more than 6-8 weeks as things are now. This means I need to fly out there (by myself, my husband can't get time off) and visit as soon as I can. I really want to see her again before she passes as it has been several years since I saw her last. Even if I don't make it there before she passes I need to fly back for the funeral.
For any average person this is very simple: Go to the airport, fly out there, visit Grandma, go to the airport, fly back afterwards. For me, well, I can't imagine being in an airport with hundreds of other people and then being crammed in an airplane for 3 hours with strangers and having to deal with people touching and bumping into me. I'm on the verge of panic just thinking about it to type this. I have flown a few times before, a few years back, but that was pre-PTSD and I didn't have to travel solo.
I can't even go into a grocery store, much less go into an airport! I fear that I will not be able to handle being there and will have panic attacks or completely dissociate. Or what if I see someone or something that triggers a flashback? If I make it through the wait at the airport, I still have to get on the plane. There will be too many people sitting too close to me and will likely come into contact with me at some point. I will have no way to escape if I need to. I don't want to feel unsafe and I don't want to lose it in front of a bunch of strangers.
The situation is compounded because none of my family knows I have PTSD and the symptoms that I deal with daily. It has been easy enough to hide as I don't see them more than about once a year. They know I have depression and anxiety but they don't know the full extent of it. I don't want to tell them any more as it is none of their business. My relationship with my family is...complicated. It is only within the past two years that I was able to set boundaries with them by learning how in therapy.
Am I being overdramatic? Can anyone relate? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gotten through it? How? Any suggestions about what I can do to go through with all of this?
For any average person this is very simple: Go to the airport, fly out there, visit Grandma, go to the airport, fly back afterwards. For me, well, I can't imagine being in an airport with hundreds of other people and then being crammed in an airplane for 3 hours with strangers and having to deal with people touching and bumping into me. I'm on the verge of panic just thinking about it to type this. I have flown a few times before, a few years back, but that was pre-PTSD and I didn't have to travel solo.
I can't even go into a grocery store, much less go into an airport! I fear that I will not be able to handle being there and will have panic attacks or completely dissociate. Or what if I see someone or something that triggers a flashback? If I make it through the wait at the airport, I still have to get on the plane. There will be too many people sitting too close to me and will likely come into contact with me at some point. I will have no way to escape if I need to. I don't want to feel unsafe and I don't want to lose it in front of a bunch of strangers.
The situation is compounded because none of my family knows I have PTSD and the symptoms that I deal with daily. It has been easy enough to hide as I don't see them more than about once a year. They know I have depression and anxiety but they don't know the full extent of it. I don't want to tell them any more as it is none of their business. My relationship with my family is...complicated. It is only within the past two years that I was able to set boundaries with them by learning how in therapy.
Am I being overdramatic? Can anyone relate? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gotten through it? How? Any suggestions about what I can do to go through with all of this?
