General Treading Lightly? Hubby Moody

[Jen]

Me again sorry but I am not sure what to do! Should I stay here over the weekend with him but just try to avoid him I just have a feeling he needs to be by himself well he gives me that impression!
I dont know whats going through his head he just hates me at the moment yep I know he is fragile because of his dad passing away. Or do I go away and give him space for a couple of days he is quite depressed I feel! Because I really dont want all this stress thats going on as it is not helping with my recovery?
Jen

 

[Jim]

What does he want Jen? Has he told you? Long as your not worried about him being suicidal, a break might be in order. Two days isn't long. He can have space, you can have a nice weekend rest. Kill two birds with one stone. Sounds good to me.

Jim.

 

[Jen]

Thanks Jim I just rang him and said if he needs space I will go away for a couple of days he said he needs me here!
He said he is struggling with his Dads death it has hit him hard as I knew it would he said he is realising that now he has no parents.
I said I am there if he needs comfort he said he just wants me to get of his back I have no idea what that is about maybe me trying to get him to get out of bed!
He is very abusive ( emotionally)the last couple of days really putting me down I usually just walk away maybe I should start yelling back!
Jen

 

[jods]

Hi Jen
Does he have a mate that he feels close enough to so he can talk to them? If so, see if he is up to having him over for a blokey bonding session.
As harsh as it sounds if you are feeling pissed off at him going off at you just remind him that you are still here with him & if he doesn't get his shit together then he will know what it is like to be alone. (even just for the weekend) As much as he is hurting at the moment he needs to know that this isn't easy for you either as you are still recovering.

I really think you are amazing & I'm sending you big hugs!

 

[Jen]

Thanks Jods for that he does have a really good mate who he can talk to but he is overseas with the Army until Feb which is a real bugger!
Jen

 

[Kathy]

I agree with Jodee, he cannot have his cake and eat it too, so to speak. If he wishes to have you with him this weekend, in spite of having a bad time now, he should endeavour to treat you respectfully. If you are giving him space and not provoking him there is no reason to be getting so very upset with you. Emotional abuse is never called for. Perhaps you should tell him if he can't be respectful you will go off for a couple of days, as Jodee suggests. He mustn't believe he can walk all over you. Such behaviour would never be tolerated in my home.

That is unfortunate about his mate. Are they able to communicate by phone, email or chat? We have some communication with our son Travis over the internet. Evie has chatted to him on several occasions.

 

[Jen]

I spoke to his mates wife last night she is going to try to get him to ring Hubby?
Kathy I am not talking to him unless I really have to so we are not communicating. He has so much anger in his voice I am going to give him a wide berth until he is ready. I will keep living my life and do what needs to be done lucky we have a big house hey!
Jen

 

[jods]

Hi Jen
Would your hubby speak to your son or is hubby to proud to off load to him? I know your son isn't up there with you but maybe he could chat to him on the phone? Just until he heard from his mate overseas?
Just trying to think of different things to try to take some pressure off you.
If your hubby is in anger mode, the last thing you need is to go back to the eggshell dance that we know & love. Maybe you should just have a day or two away for your sanity!

 

[Jen]

Na Jods he wont talk to ouy kids about his feelings he wont even talk to me about them. I am avoiding him as much as I can until I feel he is ready. I am going over to have a walk around the golf course soon. Not playing yet but just walking and enjoying company!
Thanks Jen

 

[jods]

Hope you enjoy your walk, take your time & have a good day. Make it all about you!

 

[Jen]

He seems a bit better over the weekend he even mowed the lawn on Fathers Day he never mows the lawn it was to keep himself busy I suppose!
I still feel like he is very fragile I just have to watch what I say and do! Thanks for your support through these last few days!
Jen

 

[jods]

Thats what friends are for Jen, to walk the journey with you!