Triggered All Day

[Deleted member 34328]

You are forced to slow down and focus on you

thanks for the suggestion. I would imagine that would likely help. I have one trusted friend who's been helping me through this. She was a nurse for many years and then a midwife, so she knows quite well the areas best massaged for releasing tension. Sometimes I find it helps. Being tense all the time is exhausting.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

just "be" with my cats

that I can relate to. One of my grounding tools is my pet bunny. He just seems to know when anxiety is high. He's much quieter yet seems to want attention. I also have Canaries that sing quite well. I enjoy watching them. Animal therapy is awesome!

 

[Blurred]

Yup, animals are totally awesome therapy!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'll be so glad when this is all done. Our house badly needed work. I asked my husband if we could put it off until next year - hoping that by then I'd have a firmer hold of this particular problem. I can't go back in time and change his decision so it was just move forward as best I can and try to get through one day at a time. Now I need to try and rebuild my safe places, but the house feels completely invaded and just overall wrong. I feel so badly that with all the improvements done, I can't find enjoyment. All I see and feel is invaded space and areas that have been taken away. The presence of the workers are all around and very frightening. I can't handle strange men for very long anywhere, but especially in close places. I managed for as long as I could, but eventually the anxiety just got to be too much and now every trigger around that hasn't been an issue for a long time has become active. I'm starting to relive flashbacks again. I see the imagery of past trauma as though it were yesterday. I guess I'm at a loss. I went with my support person to her house today just to take a shower since I can't do that here. The house isn't safe to be in any type of vulnerable position. I find myself looking over my shoulder all the time.

I just haven't been this triggered for a long time. I've learned coping tools - very well, but this is like going backwards to day 1. Maybe it'll just take time... I don't know. I'm just very emotional all the time. it's a battle just to not break down all the time. The kids need me to be strong and safe for them. That's a hard request, yet needed for their sakes.

I just want it to go away. I want my home back.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Also, thank you all for answering this thread. I don't feel so alone when there is a response. I appreciate each of you soooo much!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You are forced to slow down and focus on you.

I would imagine that would likely help.

It does. I dont know if this is the same thing as you're speaking of but ive been in a constant state of panic and ive had to stop, calm a bit (talking about it on here helped a ton) and then focus myself. And that helped a lot. Im more "keyed up" then usual still but not the absolute insane "the world is going to end" panic.

So if its like that, slowing down some, taking some time, even a few mins, unintrupted (in the bathroom), slow your breathing making each breath deep, i imagine myself floating on my back on water (but whatever relaxing image works for you...or a picture of a very relaxing place to look at), say some happy words like "bunny", "puppy", or say "peter piper picked peck of pickled peppers" until you laugh (I can say that VERY fast so id have to use another) or watch a sort funny youtube vid on your mobile device.

Well you get the idea. Sorry, didnt mean to ramble. Shutting up now.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

didnt mean to ramble

You're not rambling at all. That describes me exactly. I am tense and keyed up way too tight. I've tried, but rarely find any time for me while at home. I try to stay away from the house while the workers are here... McD's or my supporter's place. She's actually had to step in and take over for me a couple of times this week. I'm so thankful that she does. I just follow her instructions since I can't seem to function on my own at all. So I do get down time - often fall asleep at her place. it's coming back home that gets everything going again.

I guess it's just taken more of a toll on me than I thought. Yes, sometimes youtube videos are very helpful. Especially in the evenings. Relaxing video music helps. Also changes some of the imagery that seems so active. The peter pepper idea is funny. I can say that pretty fast too...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yeah, ive found that ive had to get rather creative to sort of loosen my insides from being wound so tight, so panicked. My body shuts down on me too if i dont have to go to work. So much so that ive not gotten stuff done that NEED to get done but i get why. Its hella exhausting to be that keyed up 24/7.

Try to find a little bit of relaxing here and there throughout the day. Deep breathing while driving. Relaxing sounds. A few mins of something proactively relaxing several times the days.

Make sense?

ETA: The more you can relax yourself just a tiny bit, the less wound tight you will be in the end.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Make sense

Yes.

If I don't slow down, this will just spiral. You're right. I do need to take a breath. Sleep when I can and move at my own pace. That's exactly it. Thank you for the reminders