themightypenguin200
New Here
I've been looking online for people with similar triggers and experiences but I can't really find many posts/resources on this so I wanted to ask on here.
I wanted to know if anyone has studying/academics as a trigger for their CPTSD? I'm asking because for me academics/studying have been the largest most common triggers for me so far in my life and the majority of time ive spent triggered, atleast in the worst of those times, I can trace it back to being reminded of academics/studying/university first. I've also spent the last 3 months triggered and I'm sure I can trace it back to flashing back to certain memories/feelings as a result of thinking about studying.
For context: I've been getting depressed on and off since 14/15 (now 22) and it's taken a long time and alot of research/therapy to come to terms with it being CPTSD. I had a very chaotic time growing up, particularly at home with family members and parents in an unstable marriage. Cut a long story, I basically have been going through these periods of depression, lasting anywhere from weeks to months, that really just tear through my life. When im in these depressions, my actions become more erratic, I've often skipped days at high school/university, missed assignments, gone days without showering, let my room and routine turn into a mess, get into arguments with people - basically just stumbling through life until the depressive period ended. Around a couple years ago I read the book 'How to deal with emotionally immature parents for mature adults by Lindsay Gibson' and alongside therapy for a couple years, it really helped me realise how much my parents/family were triggering me alot and when I reduced contact with them, I really got better at navigating my triggers and having an 'Inner adult' that could step up in times of stress, stabilise me and even become more anticipatory and pre-emptive with alot of my triggers.
The last 3 months though I feel like i've metaphorically fallen off a cliff when it comes to stability. I live each day on survival mode, I've gone through bouts of su* ideation (I'm safe now), I can't think straight, my accomodation and routine is a total mess, I sleep very little, I'm basically very dysregulated. I've found with other triggers, doing something to occupy myself in the moment (i.e: Video games, exercise, seeing friends/partner) for a few days or weeks at a max, and reflecting/journalling intermittently throughout this time, helps me to get to the bottom of the trigger and make the neccessary changes to my lifestyle or challenge certain thoughts that allow me to come out of the trigger. But for the last 3 months, I've been attempting to do this and although I guess it's allowed me to stop doing certain further destructive actions (more than I already am), it hasn't helped me detrigger.
I know the trigger I'm in is studying related, and I know it's making me go back to a certain time in my childhood but I basically don't know what to do about it. I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and how they navigate it. Or if anyone has any insights as to why this happens, particularly midway through an academic year as oppose to at the start of it. And why I feel a sense of relief and easier to detrigger when I think about the academic year finishing.
Sorry if this post is a bit disorganised and unclear, I tried to express everything as clearly as I could.
I wanted to know if anyone has studying/academics as a trigger for their CPTSD? I'm asking because for me academics/studying have been the largest most common triggers for me so far in my life and the majority of time ive spent triggered, atleast in the worst of those times, I can trace it back to being reminded of academics/studying/university first. I've also spent the last 3 months triggered and I'm sure I can trace it back to flashing back to certain memories/feelings as a result of thinking about studying.
For context: I've been getting depressed on and off since 14/15 (now 22) and it's taken a long time and alot of research/therapy to come to terms with it being CPTSD. I had a very chaotic time growing up, particularly at home with family members and parents in an unstable marriage. Cut a long story, I basically have been going through these periods of depression, lasting anywhere from weeks to months, that really just tear through my life. When im in these depressions, my actions become more erratic, I've often skipped days at high school/university, missed assignments, gone days without showering, let my room and routine turn into a mess, get into arguments with people - basically just stumbling through life until the depressive period ended. Around a couple years ago I read the book 'How to deal with emotionally immature parents for mature adults by Lindsay Gibson' and alongside therapy for a couple years, it really helped me realise how much my parents/family were triggering me alot and when I reduced contact with them, I really got better at navigating my triggers and having an 'Inner adult' that could step up in times of stress, stabilise me and even become more anticipatory and pre-emptive with alot of my triggers.
The last 3 months though I feel like i've metaphorically fallen off a cliff when it comes to stability. I live each day on survival mode, I've gone through bouts of su* ideation (I'm safe now), I can't think straight, my accomodation and routine is a total mess, I sleep very little, I'm basically very dysregulated. I've found with other triggers, doing something to occupy myself in the moment (i.e: Video games, exercise, seeing friends/partner) for a few days or weeks at a max, and reflecting/journalling intermittently throughout this time, helps me to get to the bottom of the trigger and make the neccessary changes to my lifestyle or challenge certain thoughts that allow me to come out of the trigger. But for the last 3 months, I've been attempting to do this and although I guess it's allowed me to stop doing certain further destructive actions (more than I already am), it hasn't helped me detrigger.
I know the trigger I'm in is studying related, and I know it's making me go back to a certain time in my childhood but I basically don't know what to do about it. I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and how they navigate it. Or if anyone has any insights as to why this happens, particularly midway through an academic year as oppose to at the start of it. And why I feel a sense of relief and easier to detrigger when I think about the academic year finishing.
Sorry if this post is a bit disorganised and unclear, I tried to express everything as clearly as I could.