Triggers Ruining Our Time Together

[cherrysweets89]

I've been with my boyfriend since May now, I've never felt this way about anyone before, we spend a lot of time at each others' houses, met family and friends, he has met my kids and is fantastic with them, he understands my CPTSD and triggers and is wonderfully supportive, but recently my triggers have gotten so bad it's ruined whole days.

My triggers are nudity, sex and porn, on tv ads, films, bus stop advertisements, I have BDD and compare myself constantly. My boyfriend used to be addicted to porn, he has stopped as he tells me he's fulfilled, though at the beginning there was some dishonesty, which I've struggled to come to terms with. It's not all on his shoulders, I've dated some really horrible people who each left their mark, they were all addicted to porn and went as far as berating me for not looking like a porn star. My self confidence is just shattered.

Now when we watch anything on TV together and an explicit scene comes on I go to pieces, not always on the outside, but inside I'm falling apart. He sees me hating myself, knowing he contributed, the atmosphere couldn't be more horrible. We do well to avoid alot of triggers but earlier today, we were watching a programme and there was a scene that triggered me badly, he did switch it off, made sure I was ok, but now it's all I can think about and how different I look, and with 4 more episodes to watch I'm filled with absolute dread. I referred myself for therapy today, I'm anxious. I don't know what else to do, society acts like I'm abnormal for not wanting to see that stuff, I feel incredibly lost right now.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have BDD

What is this? Bipolar Disorder? Oh. Googled it. Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@cherrysweets89 I definitely identify with you. I have those triggers too. Society has very loose boundaries these days. Sex sells. Children are sexualized, women get Brazilian waxing which creeps me out of my mind. Pornographic photos were taken of me by my abuser and I do not allow anyone to take my picture now.

I can't think of any advice for you. There certainly are normal parameters but only time will tell if your boyfriend is on the up and up. Meanwhile, isn't it ok to not watch the other four episodes?

 

[Springer80]

My boyfriend used to be addicted to porn, he has stopped as he tells me he's fulfilled, though at the beginning there was some dishonesty, which I've struggled to come to terms with. It's not all on his shoulders, I've dated some really horrible people who each left their mark, they were all addicted to porn

I am going to say something you may not like. But personally I don't think I would trust someone who was/had been addicted to porn. It would creep me out too much.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There are a lot of coping skills that you can learn to get you through those moments. Are you seeking public care with the NHS or are you seeking private care? I know very little about care in the UK, but I'm sure others will be able to help you more if you're going the NHS route, as it may take some time before you get an actual therapist.

I don't even know the standard modality of treatment for BDD. I am guessing that CBT skills would help you greatly as they oftentimes involve a lot of self talk and redirection of thoughts. I can't recommend "CBT for Dummies" enough....(there is also a workbook and a journal to go along with the original book).