Trying To Be In The World Again

[Pusuwe]

ive hidden away for years now. I made a brave move - returned to study. I know it's going to pay off in the long run but it's so scary.
I'm so disconnected in real life, I'm not connected anywhere.
I keep thinking - resilience, it's all about resilience, that's thd only way forward because I've been stuck for so long.
The few friends I have do not inspire confidence or belief in myself. I wonder now if I've served some kind of role for others too, being the hopeless struggling one.
I'm stepping out regardless but it's scary being in the world with such insecurity and self doubt. And yet I know I don't want to hide and feel shame for events I had no control over.
I don't talk about my stuff, even here. I never expect to be understood.
Is anyone else here in the same boat?
Don't want to live my whole life feeling like a victim but it's so hard to break that!
Does it get easier?

 

[Soboli]

Easier? I'm not sure that's the right word. Stronger? Very much so.

I've cut myself off from the world... A few times. I needed it, quite frankly. Returning to the world is much like returning to sports or exercise after a long time off, or an injury. There are parts which are surprisingly easy. But they don't make up for the omfg I'm dyin' here! of starting back into training. But muscles get stronger. Endurance goes longer. New skills are acquired, and old ones relearned or replaced. The world? The world very much stays the same. But my ability to deal with the world? That changes drastically. The more I do it? Just like exercise, the stronger I get. Until it feels easy. Because I'm strong and fit, again. Which takes time. And patience. Because, again, just like coming back from an injury or time off? If I push too hard, I injure myself and have to take more time off. :wtf: Start slow. Little bit here, little bit there, though? I can't just dive in & think I'll be able to do everything I used to do. I can do everything I used to... In time. By training and retraining, and being patient with myself. ((I suck at that ;)))

 

[Pusuwe]

Stronger sounds good! I think I too can do everything I used to..... In time.
Please God!
I so want to be functional...

 

[Pusuwe]

“…and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Anais Nin