Trying To Get Past A Sense Of Feeling Lesser Than

[Newtoptsd]

As a supporter I would just like to put a few cents in .... yes we miss you when you're absent from us but we wouldn't be without you.

Someone once asked me 'Can you live without .....' I said 'Yes' then they replied with 'do you want to?' I said 'No'. Relationships are hard, whether that be with or without PTSD, you are worthy of being in love you just have to find the right person to be in love with. That person will understand and have the patience to give you the space when needed and to cherish the moments when you're at your very best.

Trust me I have dated many a men without PTSD and I can honestly say they haven't fulfilled me in the way that my sufferer does, when he is not symptomatic he is bloody hilarious, goofy, super intelligent and so so so caring and then yes when he is symptomatic he withdraws and is quiet and vacant, I don't mind giving him the space as I know it's what will help and make him better - that's part of being in love.

You can do it. You just need to believe it and work on it, it takes time and you might not yet be at that stage but it is achievable :)

 

[Friday]

Yet the panic and tears are still here. Ugh. I'm frustrated. Anyone else feel like this? Have success getting past this?

I turn things around.

- It doesn't matter if I'm inferior to everyone on the planet, because no one has inherent rights over me. I have to grant those. No one owns me. So our relative status, in any area, is a complete non-starter. It doesn't mean I'm completely unaware of it, but all it actually means in my head is the amount of trouble they're likely to cause me. Kings have more body guards than beggars. Usually. Not always. But pick any kind of sphere of influence, and people are both going to move around in their relative positions on them, and the consequences for crossing people will be different. The mechanic may be king in his shop, but the worst he can easily do is fire & blackball, not pitch you over the side of the gunwale in international water. Somewhat more complicated: Most people never choose to exercise whatever power they possess. Which is a difficult concept for me, having come from places where powers aren't simply used to their fullest extent, but abused, as a matter of course. Most of the time, if I run over someone's dog? They're going to cry. Not shoot me, or kill everyone I love and then burn my house down. Most of the time, if I'm crap at my job -or just generally disliked- I'm going to get fired, not thrown over the gunwale. Most of the time, I'll be broken up with, not beaten/raped/punished in whatever other fashion, if I'm dating someone & they decide they don't like my behavior. I very much have to pair being hyper aware of why people could do, with the logical awareness of what they're willing to do, and then come to a decision about how much I give a f*ck.

- Trusting myself. Before I can grant anyone powers over me, first I have to trust my own assessment of people (could vs willing), then I have to trust my assessment of how much I care about that (how much a f*ck do I give?), trust that I'm willing to take what steps I deem necessary (will I stay when I don't want to? As just one example of hundreds), and then trust my capability in executing those steps. I don't put it on how much I trust them. I turn it around. How much do I trust myself?

- What are my decisions to make? Again, turned around. It's not about how much someone else likes me (acceptance), or not (rejection). It's about how much I like them. It's not about whether or not I'm good for them. Or if I'll make them happy (or crazy, etc.). What someone else likes or wants is their lookout. Not my decision to make. Theirs. My decisions to make are whether or not I want them in my life, who & what I want in my life, etc. I have a really hard time with this one, as I'm prone to making other people's decisions for them. When I catch myself? I have to physically stop & ask myself 2 questions; 1 Whose decision is this? & 2 What do I want? :wtf: Not shifting responsibility onto them. What I want in my responsibility. What they want is theirs. Both are sovereign. They don't have the right to make choices for me, and I don't have the right to make choices for them.

 

[J'qel]

On my good days, I remind myself that I can do a lot of things well. Many others may be good at one thing-much better than me, but they won't do all the things I can. I admit it, I'm a dabbler. I can write, draw, paint, sketch, cook, sew, design, invest, etc all well, but I'm not a champion at any of them.

We're all different. I don't believe (for example) that anyone is stupid. We're all skilled at different things. Someone who may not have done well academically may be a whiz hands on and vice versa. Maybe you can't cook without burning the water, but maybe you can claculate quadratic equations in your head.

We don't have enough time in our lives to be perfect at everything, or really, anything. That's not a personal failing, that's just plain truth. We can choose to do better, or to ignore and move on, but we should never *ever* feel bad about the things we did achieve.

And, on some of my other days I remind myself of who it was that the statement came from and just mentally tell them off. They have no idea what they're talking about and were just using me to make themselves feel better. They're miserable selfish jerks and I shouldn't listen to them because they're not worth my time of day.

Dunno if it'll help, but it's at least an experience from someone who has been told "you're not good enough to do that" from the age of 6.

 

[ninja]

I have a hard time with this also.
When I can't see past it, usually I either need to face the anxiety and take the risk or I need to give myself some rest before conquering it. These issues have to be conquered. I remove the grey area.

If you don't pick up the phone and call, you don't pick up the phone and call. It doesn't mean that you are proving them right. It just means that right now you need to work on other needs. If now is not a good time to take on school that is okay. You can take risks elsewhere and work up to it.

I talk to myself a fair bit so, I try to think to myself: Yes, I hear very loudly that you see my faults and I appreciate that you are wanting me to continue working to become the person I would like to be. Thanks (usually it is a somewhat spiteful thanks). I understand I am inferior (there is possibly some truth to what you say) but where I disagree with you is in your assessment that inferior is all I am. I am also powerful and decently moral and kind and beautiful. Then I try to focus on how I can act now in accordance with the kind of person I would like to become. And if the "you can't do anything" voice comes up again I remind myself that I need to break out and try new things and I need to listen to how other people perceive me also. This does not mean I have to accept their perceptions, but I do need to at least listen, and to decide whether I can use them to move towards becoming the person I want to be. If it is still there, I just tell it to f*ck off. And then I do something to make a fool out of myself. I draw something and then scribble a line through it. I do the opposite of what the voice wants me to do, when the decisions are benign enough, just so I can see that it will not and cannot boss me around. It is a bully. F*cking punk.

I came across this also. Against Self-Criticism: Adam Phillips on How Our Internal Critics Enslave Us, the Stockholm Syndrome of the Superego, and the Power of Multiple Interpretations

Take great care.

 

[Msbliz62]

I'm trying to get past a sense of feeling lesser than everyone else on planet earth, or at least unw...

Check out Adult Children of Alcoholics or Dysfunctional Families. I've recently started going and have found the most incredible, unconditional support! Please try it-you will appreciate the connection and healing. I am.
There are mtgs in person AND online!

 

[Rani G2]

@Ninja

Thanks for posting that link, interesting.

 

[Dawn Blizzard]

I'm trying to get past a sense of feeling lesser than everyone else on planet earth, or at least unw...

I feel for you. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD. Have you tried meditation for starters? It helps me "observe" my thoughts, therefore I'm not held hostage by them. Exercise is also helpful for anxiety. These are fundamental necessities for a stronger body and mind. From there, there's special therapy-EMDR (which I've done) and CBT. Art therapy is also very helpful. Taking care of ourselves is not an easy thing due to wired messages, which seem to be hardwired in our cell system. Therefore, we need to do these things like we would go to a job. Eventually, habits can form but it is not easy. Meditation helps with the mindfulness, which is needed for self awareness and staying in top of patterned behavior. I wish you all the best!

 

[NinjaDani]

I turn things around.

- It doesn't matter if I'm inferior to everyone on the planet, because no one has...

Thank you so much for posting this outlook. Though it felt like a bit of a slap in the face over why I'm putting so much pressure and judgement on myself for things out of my control, it helped a lot to ground and reassure me in myself. <3