Patience my dear
New Here
my boyfriend of a year and a half has PTSD. He did seek treatment about 8 years ago when he first got home, but he was prescribed Xanax by the bucket loads which he took in excess and began drinking a lot. I didn't not know him back then, but know that during that time he isolated to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. The quit all meds, alcohol and moved to a different town. Unfortunately he quit therapy back then too and now, thinks the VA and its treatment is a joke. I met him almost 2 years ago, and it's so hard to imagine him where he was. It breaks my heart to think he has been in such a dark place like that. We've been together over a year and a half and I love him dearly. He's such a good man, father, son, and a hard worker. He told me early on that he has PTSD, although I had picked up on a lot of it before he mentioned it, as I am a psych nurse. He really doesn't see his self like I do. The negative thought patterns towards his self, others, and situations are probably the hardest to deal with. I've always wished he Could see himself through my eyes. It is rare that he is totally relaxed and it's usually sort lived. Although he has said I love you a few times, he finds it extremely hard to label his caring as such. The words aren't too important to me...his actions have made me feel loved and respected by him in a way unlike anything else that I've ever experienced. Sleeping is hard for him...nightmares, cold sweats, very active sleeper. Lacking restful sleep. Simple differences in opinion turn into full on arguments with him often. We can have a wonderful day together and one small misstep on my part can irritate him to the point where he gets so angry at me. Winning arguments isn't something I have ever placed much importance on, but I do speak my opinion and theraputically encourage him to agree to disagree. His anxiety is constant, to the point where he started having heart palpitations and is having to wear an event monitor. Even in our most heated disagreements we have always ended up back to that loving place of mutual respect. He has his own place, but basically lived with me for over a year until a month ago. He had been increasingly irritated and distant, and after a fight told me he is going to stay at his house more bc he needs room to breathe. I understand that... my life is a lot to deal with for anyone. I'm a single mom of 2 children (6 & 8) and work 12 hour shifts. My kids are having some emotional and behavioral issues as of late stemming from their father dropping out of lives, and we are working with a therapist to help them work all this out. The kids fight and argue and my house can be pretty intense at times, and I understand that it makes his anxiety skyrocket. My issue is that over the last month we have only seen each other 3 times, been intimate once and will go all day without even texting if I don't initiate. He always has some excuse as to why he isn't coming over. He isn't interested in looking elsewhere and does not want to break up. It's so hard for the amount of contact to change over night like that. I miss him so much...and it's hard. At first I cried a lot bc I really felt like a part of myself was missing...especially at night after the kids are in bed bc that was our time to just be together and connect talking about our day and laugh and joke around. I miss that so so much still. Even yesterday he told me he is having a hard time keeping it together. He's not sleeping well. His anger is really getting to him. He says he's irritated at everybody all the time at work or driving whatever. Idk what to do. I've always been his soft place to land after a rough day. There hasn't been one time that me rubbing his back, gently talking to him, or running my fingers through his hair in his active sleep didn't relax him back into a more restful sleep. But he's not here. He doesn't want to be. It still doesn't stop my heart from breaking knowing he is having a difficult time. Any advice from anyone who might have had similar experiences?
