Trying to meet new people in-person and fight the loneliness

[PlayHamburgers]

Hey all new here.

I’m trying to learn how to find new friends as an adult.

Tried looking for board game groups via Meetup.com in my area.

What I find is that there’s always someone who’s curt with others or controlling and it’s just a bummer to be around, you know?

Part of me says, “work with your kindness and work with your compassion and be the levity you wish was present.” Another part of me says, “Geez I just wanted to sit back, chill, and play some games and not work so hard.”

A third part of me knows that you don’t exactly skew high emotional intelligence with the board game crowd so am I being too judgey too sensitive?

I dunno. Do I show up again or look for a different local activity? I’m leaning towards the latter.

 

[Chris-duck]

I dunno. Do I show up again or look for a different local activity? I’m leaning towards the latter

Can you do both? Maybe stay with the board game group if you can manage to deal with the people you clash with? And find another group thats different so might help you meet other social stuff you're looking for?

 

[scout86]

Maybe you can find other people at the groups who share your feelings about the bossy people and you can start your own group?

 

[Justmehere]

You’ll find bossy people everywhere. You might find different personalities in a volunteer group... and also maybe not.

Try different groups and find the people you want to be friends with and focus your time and attention on them. The bossy people won’t seem like such a big deal.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I have found all my friends (actually all of them) in educational settings. Some in degree courses, others in low-key adult ed type classes. It's really worked for me to meet people that way because it provides a structure. Typically, courses run for ten weeks or so, so I am able to take my time in assessing who I might want to see outside of class, and start chatting during / before / after class. if it feels like a good fit, I can then offer to exchange emails for study purposes, or maybe offer meeting up to study, or something of the sort .... a way to take things super slowly and have the crutch of a conversation topic already selected, if things feel weird or awkward.

Just a thought. I've never been to a meetup group, but the idea of them seems terrifying to me.

 

[RVA21]

I don't really have advice, just here to say I get it and am struggling with it too. I even tried a board game (and other sorts) meetup a while back but later found one of the organisers had some real insane beliefs about the world generally. She was also a little bossy boots, she took charge a lot and it made it hard to connect with the quieter members of the group. I'm still looking for something good with decent (and sane!) people. I have considered something educational but not sure what. The thing with that is, many years ago I tried that but the others on the course were not really there to meet anyone. It's hard. :(

 

[Friday]

A third part of me knows that you don’t exactly skew high emotional intelligence with the board game crowd so am I being too judgey too sensitive?

I ran in academic circles for awhile... and there were 2 constants no matter which university was involved
- Papers are graded in bars to make reading them less painful
- Weekly potluckers nearly always had a monthly game night

It’s super easy to fall in with this crowd because of the weekly potlucks. The potlucks tend to be fairly raucous (hail fellow well met, rather than fraternity level) events involving about 1/8th each of professors, grad students, neighbors, spousal coworkers, random interesting people, travelling interesting people, kids & their friends, kids friends parents.

I was triple/quad majoring as an older/youngish married student with kids (meaning even as an undergrad I ran more in the grad student & professor crowd)... so it meant my weekends could get insanely busy as I got more dialed in to these groups. As each department had a small cohort of professors who fell in love with potlucking when they were students attending their professors weekly open house / potluck. Eventually I just said f*ck it and started hosting my own, and a half dozen of us -for several years- simply rotated between houses, different house each week.

Meanwhile

- My husband was running in tech circles, which have their own social calendar, largely electronic game & movie related... but also had monthly board game nights.

- My bestie was in judicial circles, which was a bit more swing dancing and scavenger hunts and sporting events and scotch bars.... but also had monthly game nights.

- I was also in snowboarding & boating circles, ditto, the long nights brought out boggle, dominos, poker, monopoly, settlers of catan, after hottubs and beer. Far more often than monthly, most nights would find groups of strangers (snow people and boat people rarely consider themselves “true” strangers) sitting around tables by the fire, or off the cabana, playing games with each other.

Notice the trend? 5 very different groups of people, all with monthly (if not more often) game nights.

People are social creatures, most people like games, and they’re a way to socialize. If you can find a circle or 3 of people you like in other settings? Break out a board and you’ll usually find people willing to talk/play.